Of Horses and Men

Yea for slow appy's!

2010-04-16T06:51:00.000-07:00

The pic above is from last week riding outside. It was very windy and the campra caught us in an awkward position, but I guess any picture is better than none.

Just as the title implies, my little jumping speed demon is really starting to slooooooow down and look more like a hunter than a jumper. We have had a couple of very good rides in the outdoor arena which totally makes me happy. Our outdoor is not completely flat, it has a a noticeable downhill grade from top to bottom. My horse is also built downhill, so down-hill plus down-hill equals running around on the forehand. Well he has been staying more collected and listening to my aids and in the lines he is listening to my half halts and really sitting back on those high haunches of his to maintain a consistent and rhythmical pace. He has been so good that our schooling rides have become much shorter, around 40 minutes or so. When he gets something right consistently, I move on and don't dwell on it so that he knows that he did a good job. He has also been rally listening to me in terms of changes of direction. Possum is notorious for charging down lines and not being prepared for tight rollbacks or broken lines. Well that has also changed. I was really challenging him and myself the other day with doind some seemingly impossible tight turns and broken lines. He was soft and responsive and did not buldge and run through his shoulder, and was even turning almost in mid air to prepare for the turn that I was looking towards. I was pleasantly suprised and was praying that this was not just some fluke, but it seems to be consistent as of lately. One of the things that I have changed about myself is to relax more. I try not to be so tense or workman like, because that gets him keyed up and ready for anything. There is a fine balance in jumping of being too tight or too loosey goosey. Legs are always tight, calf and thigh, back is always straight with head up, so finding a relaxation zone in all of that can be hard. But I think I'm mastering it and it's filtering through to my horse. I have also had so much confidence in my horse lately that I have switched him out of the rubber mouth pelham and put him back in the D-ring which in the past he has just blown through. He is going comfortable and respecting this bit so I will keep it until things change down the line. Plus I really likes the D-ring and it is the "in" bit in the hunter ring, sad I know.

So with all that being said I'm really just enjoying my horse lately. Our jumping sessions are relaxed and fun and easy. Three words I didn't think I would ever say in conjunction with Possum jumping. I'm anxious to show off all the work we have done throughout the winter in some summer shows. Unfortunately with my financial situation it will only be a couple, but still it will be nice to go out there and show with the big dogs. I have also been hanging out with a new boy. Not going to jinx it or anything because it is still very very new, but he is a county comissioner and also the director of a non profit organization that manages one of the largest rivers in Maine and the surrounding watersheds. he is 29, no kids, never been married and he's kinda cute. He is however, very busy and may be kind of a player, still trying to establish that. But we get along well and have a good time together, so who knows what this will bring, but not holding my breath. At the very least I made a new good friend.

Rain is in the forecast for literally the next week! Possum has spring shots this afternoon so I'm flying over to the barn after I get out of work early to hold him for the vet and help out with other horses. Because of the nasty weather he may get a few days off which won't hurt him at all, I'm sure he will be very content eating from his roundbale outside all day and going under his shelter. He has such a rough life now! Well have a great weekend. I have a 3 day weekend because here in New England we have a holiday on Monday, Patriots Day yippeee

Plugging Away

2010-04-09T08:16:00.000-07:00

Well just as soon as I posted about summer temps here in Maine, things have cooled down considerably and it is now a steady drizzle outside. But before it started raining and was just overcast, I got in a pretty good ride last night on Possum. The barn was pretty quiet since I didn't get there until after five and I quickly went and got Possum before they fed his paddock. He wasn't really happy with me, but I gave him a couple carrots to tide him over. He was flithy! Because it had been so warm out lately he has been naked and got completely covered in dirt and mud. It took me a good thirty minutes of grooming to get him as clean as I could. For some reason he seemed taller to me last night, like I couldn't even look over his wither on my tip toes. I asked my friend who was also there if he seemed taller today or if it was just me, she said that he looked big too. I thought maybe it was the mud caked in his shoes before I picked them out, but not really. Just one of those weird things, or maybe I was shrinking, who knows.

I tacked him up and decided that we would try and have a semi serious ride. We went about our normal warm-up. He was very stretchy for some reason, he kept stretching his head and neck down and stretching out his back. Ofcourse thing is a good thing, but it was odd how much he was really enjoying it last night. Even as we were cantering he would blow out his nose and stretch down and low. It was nice to have him so relaxed and feeling good. We then hopped over a few jumps at the trot in both directions and then cantered some low fences. None of the jumps were over 2'6" which was fine with me because I was going to work on shortening stride and lots of changes of direction. As we were cantering some simple lines I felt the bored Possum come out. He's smart in teh fact that he ahs this gamem figured out, but when he has something figured out, it usually means that he charges to the next obstacle with complete disregard for the rider. If he could talk he would be saying; "Just leave me alone, I know what I'm doing!" So that's when I really started asking for crazy turns and broken lines and such. I wanted to keep him on his toes and not anticipating where he was going. We did manage to execute some pretty tight roll backs and I was impressed that he stayed with it and didn't fight me too much. Then because he was still a little quick for my liking I asked for a halt in some lines, so that he would really listen to my aids and focus on me qand not always on the next jump. Then I would randomly let him canter down the line, but ask for a half halt to collect himself and he was listening much better, so much so that he sat right back on his haunches and was rpeparing for a halt when I gave him the gas to keep going, but in a smaller frame. That was when I knew it was working. I love it when things work out like I want them too.

After a good 30 minutes of working steady I let him end on a good note. He did knock one of the fences down from getting in a little too deep to it, which I had asked him to do, so that was no fault of his own. I would rather have him listening to me and hit the fence then ignore me and fly over it. He was fairly sweaty and so was I, so I walked him for a bit. He seemed pleased with himself. He had a spring in his step and a swing in his belly as his head was bobbing up and down (not in a lame way). So I brought him back in the barn and untacked him and brushed him and then gave him his grain for dinner which he was more than eager to eat. As he was eating, I just stood back and examined him. I'm kinda anal like that. I am always looking him over and feeling him for bumps or scrapes or anything new. His topline was nice and strong. His neck was developing nicely and his hind end had some good definition. When he was finished I put a rain sheet on, for the expected rain storm and threw him out and hayed them. When I left he was happily munching on a huge pile of hay, life is good!

As for the guy side of this blog, which I have not talked much about, nothing really big is going on. I still talk to Steve from R5 Sons Alaska as much as he is online. Our schedules can never seem to coincide for a visit, but I havn't crossed it off the list yet, just trying not to push things. I think it will happen, but not sure when yet. Bacisally I've just been doing my own thing lately. I've been really happy with myself and not "needing" a guy around. I feel like I'm really starting to come into my own and be comfortable with myself. That's not to say that some days I get kinda down about it, but the majority of the time, things are good in that department. The dogs are wonderful and as always are the best companions. Possum is going well and is healthy and we have such a great relationship. My job is going well and I'm happy with the progress that is being made this year. I am also participating in The Vagina Monologues at out local theater to help raise money for our center and I really believe in the project. If any of you are familiar with The Vagina Monologues, I am performing in the "My Vagina Was My Village" The story of a Bosnian girl who was raped repeatedly by military personel in the 90's It's a pretty powerful monologue. In my heart I really wanted to do "The Angry Vagina" but there must be a reason they choose me for the other one, so I'm going to do my best. The performance will be April 24th and 25th. Well I think that's about all. I also really want to work Aragon this weekend, the TB astud at the barn. He has had the entire winter off and everytime I see him I promise him that it will be soon that he goes back to work. His first few rides should be interesting since he can be quite a character and a studly boy at times, but I love him. Well have a great weekend everyone and hopefully I will have some more pics soon.

Did I miss spring??

2010-04-06T09:21:00.001-07:00

This past weekend and the week days following have seemed more like summer than spring for sure, especially since this is Maine! I wore shorts on Easter and it reached 80 degrees. Saturday it was in the mid seventies and Friday was also in the 70's. It has been an incredible "spring" so far. It seems that we have skipped "mud season" all together which is usually a messy and yucky season here in Maine for when the snow melts and the ground is frozen and therefore the melting snow has no where to go but mix with mud and stuff. It is not a fun time of the year. But since we have relatively small snow totals this winter, thing have dried up nicely.

On Saturday I took Possum out and he was already slightly sweaty just standing in his paddock. He is slowely but surely shedding out his winter coat, but it doesn't seem like it's happening fast enough. So because he as naked he was flithy from laying in the mud and such. Three quarters of his paddock has been fenced off so that the grass can gross and the rest of the paddock can completely dry and not get all tracked up by the horses. So it's pretty muddy in their little section. I spent over half an hr grooming him and using the shedding blade and making him as pretty as he can be this time of the year. I tacked him up and headed down the road since it was my mission to go out on the trail on such a beautifuul day. Both of us were happy to be outside and moving in the breeze. We did our warm-up and trotted for a bit and then walked since it was so warm, and then we started cantering. It was so nice in a light seat just cantering along and we worked on our flying changes. We cantered for probably a good four minutes before I pulled him up and we walked the rest of the way to out next dirt road. I made myself look around at the pretty scenery and take big breaths of the fresh air and just soak it all in. Listening to his hoofs hitting the ground, feeling the swing of his belly and watching his ears pricked twitching in one direction or the other listening to the sounds of the outdoors.

He definately knew where he was and swung onto the other dirt road. A road that we are famous for galloping up. It goes gradually up hill the entire way and is about a mile long with sweeping turns and grades. I made him trot for a bit and then canter. He was grabbing at the bit telling me he wanted to just go. I was nervous because we hadn't been on this road since the late fall and I havn't inspected it for soft ground or added rocks and such. So I let him out, but kept a firm contact on him. His strides ate up the ground and his hindquarters powered him up the hills. Just to feel such power is amazing, it takes your breath away. The trees were whipping by and with each bob of his head it seemed like we were going faster and faster. I kept a sharp look out on the road for rocks and soft spots and piloted him around the hazards. Pretty soon the road was coming to an end so I pulled him up and let him trot a few before finally walking. He was pretty wet and breathing hard. I let out the reins and let himm walk out until the dirt road ended. The trail then becomes pretty steep and very rocky and was especially wet this trip. I let him pick his way around the rocks and take his time while he also caught his breath. When we got to eh top and the barn was in sight across a large field I let him trop a bit before the ground got too wet and soggy and I made him walk. We walked the rest of the way home and he was thoroughly soaked fromt eh heat and his still long coat. I stripped him down and decided that since it was stilla round 75 out that he would get his first official bath with soap and everything today. I tied him to the wash rack, dug out my horse shampoo and a bucket and sponge and a curry and got to work. He put up minimal protest so I think it felt good for him. When I was done I scraped the water off as much as I could and let him loose in the sun to eat scraps of hay and dry out.

I watched poeple riding for about an hour and then caught him and put him back in his paddock. It was just so nice to be outside in the warm air, with no bugs yet and enjoy my horse. SO Sunday I didn't ride since it was Easter and I had laundry to wash and family members to visit. Yesteday I didn't get to the barn and not sure if Iwill tonight since it's kinda rainy. But I might go up just to clean him up again since he's still naked since the weather has been so mild. But that's about it for rides lately. All the other rides have just been mediocre rides in the ring outside with nothing really exciting to post about. have a great day everyone, and hopefully i'll have more exciting thigngs to post about and hepefully some more pics as well.

Wow, what a weekend!

2010-03-29T12:56:00.001-07:00

Casey (the roomies horse) and Possum

Just have to share that Possum and I had one of the most amazing weekends in terms of schooling that I think we have ever had. Let me start from the beginning. Last week my roomate and I have been taking videos of some of your rides, just lines and approaches and stuff. One of the biggest things that stuck out at me was how busy I was about 4 strides from the jump or line. We would have a nice even canter going in and then all of a sudden I would micro manage everything, tweak things that didn't need to be messed with. I would use pulsing half halts with my reins, and sitting back. It's one thing to ride it with a million things on your mind, but it's another to be able to see it and critiqu and put everything into slow motion. SO I made the decision that I need to do LESS. Yup, you heard it right folks, I'm doing too much! I need to maintain that steady rhythmn and ride it to the base of the jumps. From looking at it ont he video, Possum has such a nice and rhythmical canter, almost rocking horse like, so why inthe hell am I trying to make it more than what it is???

So my next ride schooling I tried to simply do nothing, I know it sounds so weird to even say it, never mind do it. But it worked like magic. My horse didn't get keyed up cause I was fixing so much and we had nice smooth collected and perfect approach to jumps. It was like the lightbulb turned on in my head. Sometimes instead of always thinking I need to do more, I really need to do less. I need to rely on my horses training and ability and not think I need to do everything for him, not micro manage! His canter was easy and manageable, I could shorten and lengthen without any drastic measures, he was less hyper and took my relaxation as a cue for him to relax as well.

So yesterday the roomate and I decided to do some schooling in the indoor. Possum right from the start was soft and supple and relaxed, he felt like butter in my hands. There was no leaning on my hands, no gaping of the mouth, which is very typical of him at any kinds of annoyance, physical or mental. I actually even got compliments from people stopping to watch for a few minutes. I might also add that my roomates horse was incredibly well behaved that day as well and both equines seemed totally in tune with us riders. First we did the usual flat warm-up. Possum and I also briefly worked on some flying changes, but he was great and I didn't want him to get bored. Then we trotted some small fences and turned them into roll backs at the trot. Then we progressed to the canter and so on. By the time we were nearing the end of our ride we had worked up to full courses with some funky striding to really keep us on our toes. He was WONDERFUL and I have videos to prove it. Nothing was really over 2'6" except for a middle diagonal jump, but he was soft, had great rhythmn, was responsive and listening and the whole thing looked like a round of figure skating; graceful, smooth and easy, just like a hunter or eq round should look. I decided not to press him anymore and ended the ride with that. I wanted him to know that he did great and that just drilling him more would sour him to the whole process. I have to admit that I had a smile on my face the rest of the day and woke up with one this morning despite the heavy rains we're getting currently. I will post videos when I can figure out how haha, but until then your stuck with some goofy pics from the other day. We were taking turns riding the course so we were hanging out int he middle of the arena just fooling around. The one of Possum's ears is because he kept putting his ears back everytime we wanted a picture so I mad him put his ears forward lol. He's so good to put with with my nonsense.

just some flatting pics

2010-03-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

Please excuse the gaping mouth. Possum has a busy mouth and always has. He also just had his teeth floated two days prior.

We've Come A Long Way Baby

2010-03-14T17:37:00.000-07:00

Some pics that my friend at the barn took from this Friday. My roomie decided to set up a spread to work on her horses jumping form and I decided to take a stab at it. I was more than thrilled with Possum's jumping effort and form over this 4 and a half foot spread. I also think I don't look half bad myself, my lower leg looks a little weak and ofcourse my left leg is the weaker of the two, but it was nice to see some pictures on what I need to work on. Possum was a star and I was able to see my spots every single jumping effort. For those who may be new to my blog and not know the whole history of Possum, he was a rescue case that I acquired for the price of meat 6 years ago. He was starved, abused and was an unbroke 8yo when I got him. Due to finances I am not able to take regular lessons, in fact I have had only a handful since I graduated college over 5 years ago. All of the training has been on my own for the most part and it's been a long uphill battle with not having a regular trainer and help; other than the occasional person I can use for a pair of eyes on the ground. Sometimes it's nice to take a step back and see all that we have accomplished instead of always looking ahead and on what we havn't done yet. The progress has been slow with lots of steps backwards in the past 6 years, but there has been improvement. I'm really proud of my throw away appy that no one wanted to take a chance on other than to have him wind up on a plate at a fancy restaurant in Europe or Asia. He's my buddy and best friend and I wouldn't trade him for the world. Enjoy the pics!

Getting Back To The Basics Bareback Style

2010-03-09T19:38:00.000-08:00

Since I was kinda feeling down about our past poor performances undersaddle lately so I decided to take the saddle off and just have fun with my horse and see what happened. It was earlier last week that I didn't feel like getting all tacked up and decided to ride bareback in the indoor. Did our normal warm-up routine and my thighs were screaming at me. If there is one thing I hate about my horse it's his trot. It is teeth jarring and bouncy, a sure sign of a shoulder with a straight shoulder, curses to whoever decided to make him. But I bit the bullet and pushed on. There was a lesson going on so basically I was just putzing along. We moved up to the canter and my body was thankful for the nice big sweeping motion as opposed to the yucky trot. Then we set up a small 2ft vertical and trotted over it a few times. I was able to take it in stride and it felt great. After doing it a few times in both directions I upped it to about 2'6" and cantered from both directions. It was amazing how easy it was and how our timing and rhythmn were right on, much different from the past ride. I was feeling brave and upped it over 3ft and again no big deal. I was seriously consiering riding my next show bareback, that's how easy it felt and how comfortable it was. He didn't try and rush, his rhythmn was great and I could feel more of what was going on without the saddle. So I called it a day.

This week I decided to ride bareback again after a few flat rides under saddle. Basically I was kinda in a hurry and wanted to get down to the arena and ride with everyone else who were already in there. We did our warm-up the same and then cantered around and laughed and joked. Then we started popping over some small jumps and a one stride line. When we started cantering them Possum was great again. No rushing, and took each one in stride an even in the one stride he really half halted on the landing and made it a nice one stride. It was so warm in there that the horses were sweating already. My roomie decided to put one diagonal fence to about a 3'6" vertical. I have to admit that I kinda gulped hard but decided to go for it. How am I going to get any better if I'm not going to try new challenges. To mu suprise, I saw my spot about 4 strides out and we took the jump in style and it seemed almost effortless. I think everyone watching was a little suprised how easy it looked. SO I did it a couple more times with the same results. Then I decided to really challenge up and take it from the long approach, an approach that Possum is infamous for rushing. Because I was sucking back I made his canter stride too small and we didn't have enough impulsion and ended up getting a close spot and going up and over, not terrible by any means, but not that "perfect" take off. So I did it again and made myself relax more and trust myself to let his stride out. He was perfect and took it in stride. I was so proud of him, but it also made me really sit back and evaluate our rushing problems under saddle, will have to look more into that for sure.

Riding and jumping bareback did increase my confidence after a few lack luster performances which was good. I need to remember that not everyone can canter a 3'6" fence bareback and make it look so easy and also keep a good position, and give myself credit when credit is due. So tomorrow I will put the saddle back on, but try and have the same mind set and feeling as I did bareback and shoot for the same results. Wish I had some pics to show you, because it did look really nice and my position felt really strong as well, maybe next time.

Checking In

2010-03-05T08:38:00.000-08:00

Hi all. Things have been going pretty good lately. I've been riding Possum on a consistent basis of about 3 days a week. We have almost no snow left up here in Maine which is just crazy, and the temps have been in the 40's!! It's like a heat wave for the end of February and the beginning of March so far. But this also means long periods of cooling out due to the horses sweating in the warmer air in their winter coats. I opted not to trace clip Possum this year because I didn't want to play the whole blanket guessing game,with a different blanket for different temps and also wanted to save a little money. But I've been second guessing that decision as I'm sitting in the barn for over 2 hrs after a ride to wait for him to dry off to throw him back out. Welcome to the early days of spring, but I'm not complaining.

Mine and Possum's progress has taken a slight step back. It's not horrible or anything, but had a pretty yucky ride the other afternoon when I set a jump to about 3'3" and he raced towards it with the speed and determination of a freight train. Every time we got to about 4 strides away he would throw his head up to avoid contact and hollow out his back and race pell mell towards the large vertical. He would clear it with no issue, but the fact that he wasn't listening to my half halts and just charged forward with no resregard for his rider was frustrating to say the least. SO I did what everyone tells you not to do, I halted before the jump. I felt like there was nothing else I could do to get his attention. I needed him to listen to me and I wanted to keep him guessing of what was going to happen next and not just take the reins, literally and charge forward. There is also no chance of Possum refusing, since he basically loves to attack the jumps. After halting a few times, and nearly crashing into it a couple times I felt him start to lighten and listen. So then I gulped back my fear and decided to trot the 3'3" vertical. If there's one thing I hate doing it's trotting large fences. I have a terrible time with my take off and timing with trotting fences and so doesn't my horse so it makes for an interestering round. But Possum was good and trotted right to the base of it and then pushed off nice and even and hopped right over the jump with snappy knees and a rounded back over the crest. But once again we would have a nice and even light canter coming to the jump where he was on the aids and rounding and light as a feather, and then he would get the jump locked in his sights and just charge forward. I decided the best I could hope for was a mediocre jump. So after a few more times we finally got one that was almost in stride so I decided to call it a day. He was razor sharp and keyed up and we were both sweating and wide eyed. I figured that was the best we could get for the day and resume later on in the week. So this weekend I want to go back to that 3'3" vertical with the long approach and take it in stride, we'll see what happens.

However, Possum is getting really fit, with only 3 rides a week. His topline is nice a strong and he's moving with more quality to his gaits (as best as can be expected for this appy). We've been working a lot on flat work, striding, lengthening, shortening, becoming sharper and more responsive to the aids and especially downward transitions. Possum loves to dump on his front end and lean his whole weight on my hands, and I have somehow been sucked into this little game without knowing it. So my job on the downwardsm especially canter walk or halts is to keep a strong core, chin up, elbows bent but keep contact with my legs and just pulse the reins so as not to give him something to brace against. It's really hard because he is built downhill to keep him lifted through the front and rocking back onto his hind end. It actually takes a lot of leg in the downwards to keep that motor going in his butt but only in reverse and not become stiff legged through the transitions. As always it's a work in progress, but it's coming along.

Now onto the guy side of thing :) Alaska is not going to happen right off. Because Steve and I hemmed and hawed our way through February he is not busy with Iditarod, Ulstraport and and Iron Dog through the middle of March, and the end of March is far too busy for me with work right now, so I'm thinking maybe April will be the next chance I get to go out there. I'm not really holding my breath or anything, but it still would be nice to take a vacation to such a beautiful state and meet a really great guy. Stay tuned.

Well I think that's about all that is going on lately. Just lots of work, and riding Possum and wishing I was in Alaska ;) Like I said the weather is getting nice and inviting and I want to spend as much time outside as I can.

On a side note, I realize that the picture that I posted above again has me helmetless. Again, I will say that I am an adult and make my own decisions and am fully aware of the risks of riding horses. So please refrain from commenting on that subject if you can. I posted it because I like how I'm getting stronger and my position is pretty good here. I realize it looks like I'm jumping slightly ahead, but it's also a weird spot in the jump, he is still on his way up so therefore it was right before I fold my hips at the apex of the arc. Anyways, I thought it was pretty good.

Horse Filled Long Weekend

2010-02-16T06:23:00.000-08:00

Well, Happy late Valentines day. I did nothing romantic or even with a boy on Valentines Day. That night my mom called me up and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner with her and my dad. Since I obviously had no plans or a hot date I went. I then came home,watched TV and played on the computer and went to bed. I made sure to give each of my doggies a big hug and kiss and told them how much I love them, that is how I spent my Valentines Day.

Onto the good stuff... I had a totally horse filled weekend and it was awesome. My roomie and I scheduled a lesson with the barn owner. It will be my first official lesson in about 5 years, since I graduated college. I figured it was about time and since I had a little extra cash it was a perfect way to spend it. So Friday in preparation I wanted to give Possum just a tune up and get his muscles working again since he had about 5 days off since our last ride. I thought he might be a little hyper, but I was totally wrong. He was sluggish to start, was behind my leg which I HATE and rather pissy. By the end of the ride he had warmed up out of it, but what was going to be a 30 min ride turned into a 90 min ride, with jumping and turns and flying changes and circles etc... Since he is not clipped it took a couple hours for him to cool out to put his blankets on and throw him back outside. After taking care of our horses the roomie and I went to the movies to see Crazy heart. Really liked the movie, and want to buy the soundtrack, I liked almost all of the songs. It's a slower movie, no big action or anything, but I'm not a big action movie fan anyways, I like movies that make me think and feel, and this was a good one for that.

So Saturday I ate a big late breakfast and got dressed in breeches and tall boots and wore a vest that would match my saddle pad. I know it sounds crazy, but when I was taking lessons in school it was a serious business. You had to dress like you were showing, minus the jacket and shirt. Your boots and britches had to be clean and everything had to be perfect down to the horses grooming and leg protection. No joke, the riders and horses were both "inspected" when our trainer arrived to make sure everything was correct, and if it was not right you could be kicked out of the lesson for the morning or told to completely untack the horse and start over. Ypu didn't mess with the trainer, and since were were ridig horses who were worth more than us, we did what we were told, so that has just been ingrained in my head.

The lesson went really well. We worked on some lengthening and shortening of strides on a 20 m circle with poles set out, trying to get 4 strides, 5 strides and the 3 strides. We actually managed to get he 4 and 5 strides relatively easy but the 3 was a little crazy. I kept trying to throw him away and losing the contact and he would just speed up more and not necessarily lengthen his stride. I thinkn the exercise was a lot harder on a circle then it would have been like on the long side of the arena. It was a good lesson for both of us. I also worked on not throwing the contact away while jumping a fence. I tend to give him too much rein, and now that we are more advanced I need to use a following hand more often to keep the contact so that on the landing of the jumps he comes back to me sooner and that leaves more time to prepare for the next jump or turn. Lastly we worked on rhythmn and pace in a sinple 2'6' line working on my position and the overall picture. We ended the lesson on a good note and both Possum and I were puffing. It took a long time to cool him out since he had worked up such a good sweat, after walking our horses out and covering them with a cooler, we left them int eh barn with some hay while we went and grabbed dinner and by the time we got back they had cooled out, gave them a good curry and then threw them back out.

Sunday I managed to go to the barn again. I spent an extra long time on warm-up since I figured he would be pretty sore, but again he suprised me and wasbasically bouncing along to the indoor. He was full of energy and was really using his body during the short ride. I didn't want to do too much jumping since we had a hard ride the day before so we worked on lengthening and shortening trot and canter, and just the quality of the gaits. He was soft and responsive and I left the ride feeling really good.

Yesterday I had off from work due to the holiday so I wanted to have a "fun" ride on Possum. We went down in the indoor to warm-up. A bunch of people were riding so we did our usual flat and then hopped over some smaller jumps. Then I took Possum down the road to have a good gallop. The conditions were perfect, the temps were above freezing and that made the dirt road soft and slightly wet. As soon as I got up in my half seat he shot forward. I stayed as still as I could while his legs worked like pistons. His ears were pinned and his head kept reaching for more, like the finish lie was going to approach at any minute. I love that feeling of going so fact that it takes your breath away. Before I knew it we were running out of running room and I started to ease him up. I let him trot out for a bit and he snorted and blew through his nose. I think he was happy too to get out and stretch his legs, it has been a long time since we had a full out gallop. We walked the rest of the way home to cool out and just enjoy the scenery. When we got back I rubbed him down and then threw him back outside. I left the barn to go to my friends barn were we ended up going on a sunset trail ride. It was the perfect ending to a perfect weekend. The sky was so red and pink right before dark, and the air was still and cold with the only sounds being the crunching of the horses in the snow and their tense breaths. It was one of those riedes that you breath deep and am thankful just to be alive and enjoy this greatness. For a split second it made me forget that I didn't have a guy to share it with and was totally content in just being in the moment.

The Opposite of Sidetracked

2010-02-04T10:58:00.001-08:00

Things are going along smoothly I have to report. Had some bumpy patches and stressful times, but it looks like the skies are clear and ready for sailing. Possum has just been great lately, and I'm not the only one who is noticing it. Since it's in the heart of winter up here I usually only ride about 2-3 times a week, just enough to keep us in shape and keep Possum relatively conditioned and working part time. Possum has been really responding to the work we're been doing in terms of our flat work and jumping. He is more contistently keeping a steady rhythm during course work, and in the flat we have been working on more self carriage, something that he always hates due to is build. Have also been working on really engaging that hind end and lifting the shoulders to create a more balanced and powerful stride, be that walk, trot or canter. Because my little appy gelding is not build like a dressage star this has always been tough for him to perform, but he is trying his heart out and progress is being made which I am more than thrilled with.

I think having some time off from showing and just the stress from showing is really helping us to get back to the basics and keep us focused on not just improving, but enjoying being with each other. I have a horse for a reason, and it's not to take me to the big hunter or equitation finals, it's because I love riding and being with him and just getting into adventures that we so often fall into. I have gotten some really good feedback from other riders at the barn that have noticed our progress, I have to admit that it makes me feel really good, cause both Possum and I have worked hard at this.

Onto the boy side of this blog. I can say with about 99% certainty that I WILL BE GOING TO ALASKA!!! Both Steve and I got the green light and the plans are being put into motion. I will be either going about the 21st of this month, yikes! or the middle of March. I am beyond excited. I am so happy to finally meet him and talk horses, and the outdoors and just to see day to day life out there on their rustic lodge. I am also happy for a vacation and a break in the day to day norms. I havn't had an official vacation since I was about 18 and it is looooong overdue. I have to admit that I'm a little nervous, but the feeling of excitement is far outweighing that. This news couldn't have come at a better time. Everything also seems to be falling into place, I have some extra $ from my income tax return to get out there, I have my parents and G to watch the dogs, so they will be more than taken care of, and Possum will not mind having about 10 days off, a little vacation for him too so to speak. Anyways, as usualy I will keep you all updated on my plans and ofcourse if I go I will take pics and see the horses at the lodge. I am basically jumping up and down just thinking of it.

Below and above are some pics, semi horse related hahaha that the roomie and I took one night before going out. We were just being silly and had not had even a drop of acohol, this was all sober folks! Enjoy and laugh, cause we sure did.

Some pics

2010-01-27T09:46:00.000-08:00

My blog posts seem to get further and further apart, but I can assure you that I am still here and plugging along. I'm busy with work and yes, believe it or not a semi-social life haha. The weather here in the state of Maine has been off and on, first we will have sub zero temps and snow, and just this week it got up to 40 degrees and we got 2 inches of rain almost melting all of the snow we had on the ground, it's very weird. Possum and all the other animals have been doing great. Possum continues to get better with every ride we do, his pace is much slower and he is listening much better. Now I just need to work on my equitation which has been lacking as of late. Everyone is happy and healthy which is all you can ask for.

I have had some questions about MN guy. Due to his situation we have started to talk less and less, I just think that it is better for me. If and when his situation changes things may be different, but I can't out myself in a place to be set up for failure. However, on a good note I have just started casually chatting with someone from ALASKA, I know I'm crazy, I can almost see everyone's eyes roll. It's actually all quite innocent and we have really hit it off. The other crazy part to this story is that he and his family have a TV show!!! I know, it's crazy. They have a neat show on RFD-TV called R5 Sons Alaska. It's about a lodge they they run for tourists and hunters and such and they also have 17 horses out there. The only way to get to the lodge is by bush plane usually from Anchorage. I enjoy the show very much, and the one I am talking to is Steve, the oldest son. He seems so sweet, he's my age, he loves the outdoors and horses and dogs and has no kids and never been married :) We are actually in the process of figuring out a time and place to meet sometime, I would love to go and check out Alaska, but we'll see how that goes. I have been heisitant in telling people that we talk cause it sounds a little corny and all, but we have been talking for over 2 months now and we're still not sick of each other which is a plus. Anyways, check out the show R5 Sons Alaska, they have a website for the show and they also have a fan page on Facebook, their a great family and I like supporting their show.

Here are a few pics that someone at the barn took of Possum and I jumping the other day. We don't look that great but we were jumping around 3'6" and he was doing great so that's all that matters. And yes, I was not wearing a helmet, it was my choice.

We actually got a compliment!!

2010-01-11T10:59:00.000-08:00

Despite the fridgid temps and my car about to fall apart and being stressed about getting the money to fix it, I managed to get my bum to the barn yesterday and ride my pony. Ofcourse it was only about 15 degrees and the wind was whipping. Luckily it was about 10 degrees warmer in the indoor with no wind. I went about my usual routine. Since Possum's paddock is on the side of the driveway, I pull over and park and whistle to him and he comes over to the fence. I open the gate and let him out loose and then get back in my car and drive to the parking lot. This gives my horse time to pick up loose scraps of hay around the outside of the paddock while I go and set up the brushes, maybe visit with some people and then grab his halter and go get him. I always like to give him a few minutes of free time before I go and get him to ride, I think it just makes him happier, or maybe just me, who knows.

So I groomed and tacked him up in record time in the main barn since it was soooo cold. So e made our way to the indoor and refuge from the wind. I hopped right on and away we went at a walk. When I first get on my horse is the time of when I asess how he's feeling and his energy level, I can tell at once how the ride is going to be based on those factors. He had a spring in is step and was well in front of my leg so I was happy that this looked to be a promising ride. After our normal warm-up routine, walking for 10 min or so and then trotting in both directions for another 10 min and then cantering both directions for another 10 min or so. During the warm-up I worked on some shoulder in and leg yielding just to get his body warmed up and more pliable, as much as possum can be. We then trotted a few crossrails and went right into the meat of our work out. I asked him to trot some fences that were around 2'9 or 3ft, asking him to get in deep to them and really making an effort to snap his knees up and using his neck and back for a nice clean jump. Only once did he knock it down and I really think he just misjudged the height of the fence and knocked it a good one so much so that he tripped on the landing. No need to reprimand him on that one because I think he got the hint and the next time we jumped it he made sure to clear it by a large margin.

As were were cantering some fences and putting mini courses together, a boarder at our barn was riding her QH mare at the same time. On a walk break both Possum and I were puffing and the woman made the comment that it looked like I wasn't having to work as hard keeping him at a normal pace and put together. My eyes about bugged out of my head when she said that. You have no idea how much that means even for one person to say that. Possum is not an easy horse to ride and make it look pretty. He's hard to keep packaged together and moving in a balanced manner. I usually use the analogy that he's like driving a dump truck on a highway of sleek moving Mercedes and Audi's. Hearing that comment was nice because it meant that all the hard work we'er been putting in lately is starting to pay off, even if one person notices it, it's working. We finished up by jumping a small course of about 6 jumps and then cooled out. After a few walk laps around the arena I had the bright idea of walking around outside along the paddocks and making a loop back to the main barn to untack. Big mistake, when we made it back to the barn my feet were frozen, I couldn't feel my ears and my face was wind burnt. I untacked Possum and gave him a few treats for a job well done and then bundled him back up in his blankets and threw him outside.

So to conclude....it's rare that Possum and I get compliments of any kind, but when it happens around a specific area that I have been working so hard on, it feels like I just won the lottery. Even though this year it looks like we will be doing very few shows because of finances, it's nice to know that we are still working towards a goal and slowly taking small bites towards that goal. It was like a breath of fresh air blew on us and filled our tanks of otivation so that we can keep going in our education.

Snow and Horses = More Work= Less Ambition

2010-01-04T09:21:00.000-08:00

So I don't if any of you follow the weather here in Maine, but we are digging out from a fairly decent size snow storm that lasted for 3 days. We didn't get as much snow as they first predicted, but we got a fair amount. Basically the whole state was in a panic that it was going to be some huge super storm with feet upon feet of snow, and I have to say that the hysteria was a little contagious. Thursday which was New Year's Eve was great. The roomie and I went to a friends house to stay for the night since were were indulging in adult beverages. We left the doggies at home and promised them that no metter how much snow we got over night, we would be back in the morning to let them out, we kept our promise. But back to that night; I have never laughed so hard in my life, sure I was a little intoxicated but we were playing Mad Libs. That ame we have all played as kids on long car rides or rainy days. But oh my goodness when you put an adult spin on things, it gets downright hilarious!!! I was almost peeing in my pants.

So when we woke up early Friday morning it was snowing at a good clip and we rished to get home to let the dogs out. We also had all intentions of going to the barn that afternoon, but we were both so tired that we went back to bed and didn't wake up until it was nearly dark out and by then our motivation was shot. But my roomie did manage to sneak in my room when I had passed out and caught a pic of me spooning my dog Abby. I was out like a light.

So the roomie and I lounged around the house for most of the weekend expecting enormous amounts of snow which did not come, but it kept snowing so it scared us into staying home. Yesterday I woke up and was determined to make it to the barn. I look out my window and finally the blizzard has arrived! SO I pick the snowiest day to go to the barn. I got dressed in snow pants and jacket and mittens and hat and herded the dogs into the car. Away we went, down the road at a snails pace. We arrived at the barn a half hour later when it's usually a 15 min drive. It was snowing and blowing so hard that it was coming down sideways and pelting my face. I grabbed Possum's halter and headed for his paddock. It took about 10 minutes of digging out his gate so that I could open it enough for him to squeeze through. We were both squinting our eyes against the driving snow. I'm pretty sure both of us were happy to finally make it to the barn. I stripped off his blankets and gave him a good grooming, one to get the dirt out and two, to stimulate some blood flow in both of us. I tacked him up and we headed for the arena. I could tell he had some pent up enrgy since it had been just a eek since i ride him last, i felt like a bad horse mom.

We took a while warming up since it was cold and snowy and both of us were kinda stiff. He was moving nicely off my leg and I didn't even have spurs on. I worked a lot on stretching. Getting him to reach down and out and stretch his neck and back. Possum is a pretty stiff horse generally so it always takes a little to get him to stretch, but he was actually doing well. After we had warmed up in both directions at the walk, trot and canter I decided to refresh us by doing some flying changes across the diagonal. As usual, his good side was a piece of cake, but to my suprise his "bad" side was also really good. He didn't rush or twist his body and he did nice clean changes both front and back in unison each time. I was so happy!

We just fiddled around with jumping. There were some pretty big holes and soft sport in tne arena from having some slightly frozen ground and being chewed up. So my plan was to warm-up and then just put one jump up to around 2'9" or 3ft and just keep working over that one jump focusing on my position, rhythmn, pace and straightness. I noticed that going to the right he has a tendency to drft towards the rail over the jump, since the jmp was set about 8 ft off the rail. So we worked a lot on keeping him between my legs and straight and even. I also had to work on not leaning in on the corners especially in my "bad" direction which happens to be to the right. All in all it was a good work out and I think we were both happy with it. I cooled him out and brought him back to the barn. I kicked myelf in the ass for forgetting a whole bag of carrots that I has bought special just for him the last time I went shopping. I gave him his grain for dinner and then we made the long trek back to his paddock where I had to do some more digging to get the gate so that I could squeeze him through. I was all out of breath afterwards and my ears no longer had any feeling. I really don't mind the snow, it's actually very peaceful looking and sounding, but snow just makes everything 10 times harder to do. Harder to push a wheelbarrow, harder to drive, harder to ride at fast speeds etc... But the good news is that the snow has stopped and I'm waiting for the sun to shine. I hope to get out and ride my horse more this week, but again that depends on the temps and the weather. Unfortunately I don't get put of work until after 4 and it's waaay dark when I get to the barn so the temps have dropped a lot. Ohwell, suck it up, I live in Maine and I should be used to this by now.

Possum update

2009-12-29T09:29:00.000-08:00

Well it's now the post holiday let down hahaha. Actually my holiday was great. I got to visit with family that I don't get to see all the time and also got some nice things, nothing huge or anything, but many practical gifts. I, however did not get anything horsey. My parents are pretty much against getting me anything to do with horses. They have given me money before which I have spent on horse related things, but that's about as close as it gets. But on Christmas eve, well in the afternoon I stopped by the barn on my way to the parents house and gave Possum some treats and pats and attention inside his paddock. It was actuallya fairly warm and sunny day so it was nice just hanging with him and the other horses. I think Possum was a little confused that I wasn't taking him out to ride or anything, cause aftre I snuck under the gate he was leaning against it trying to get out. You would think the high heels and smell of perfume would have been his first hint that I wasn't riding, but he obviously didn't get it hehehe.

Saturday, teh day after Christmas I went out to the barn not dressed in heels and nice clothes, with the intention to get in a good ride. It was pretty cold, with temps just hovering around 20, but that didn't deter us. I got Possum dressed and walked down to the arena. I got on and we both were stiff and cold. I also hadn't ridden him since the jump-off so I took a long time walking and trotting to get those muscles warm and working. He had a good spring to his step which was good cause I really wanted to use that energy and do some dressage work at the begging of the work-out. After both he and I were thoroughly warmed up and I had finally shed my winter jacket to just a sweatshirt, we were ready for some real work. We worked on some shoulder in and haunches in. We did some lateral movements across the arena with a try at some half pass. We also did some lengthening down the long side in the trot and worked on coming back to collected trot but not losing the impulsion. We were actualy clicking quite well and he was listening and made good attempts at each movement. His poll started to become more elastic and longer. His shoulders weren't as stiff and he was really coming through his back. I was already pleased with the flat portion of our ride, but I knew that the next day was going to be stormy and gross so I really wanted to get in a good work.

We warmed up over some jumps at the trot, making sure to take them all in both directions. While we warmed up I focused on my position and keeping my heel lowered and thigh and calf contact. I am also finding that I'm focusing too much on the jump itself. Basically I'm over analyzing and feel like I need to make all these timy adjustments instead of just riding to the jump. SO I've really started to focus on looking past the jump and letting the pace and rhythmn take us to the base. It's going pretty good, but old habits die hard, especially when the jumps get higher. I also have noticed that I tend to shift most of my weight to the outside when going around corners or tight circles. I have really been after myself to keep equal weight in both stirrups, or just dropping my stirrups all together so that I'm not throwing my horse off balance.

I then got off and raised the jumps all to atleast 2'9" to about 3ft. I then had my friend make up some courses for us to do. It was good for Possum and I to start to put some courses back together since we have been focusing a lot on either single jumps or lines and working a lot on our rushing issues. I really wanted to put our training to the test. He did really good for the most part, and I tried to pull my weight as well. There was also a pretty tricky broken line which caught him off guard at first, but then when I gave him more clear and better directions he was very honest. We did about 4 or 5 courses. He didn't struggly at all with the height and his rushing issues have subsided ten fold. Ofcourse we have some polishing to do on both our parts, but the basics are firmly in place and I think we're both at a better place now then we were at the Medals in September.

Not really sure when I'm gonna go back up and ride. It's sooo cold and windy today that if I went up tonight after work he would hate me forever, and plus I would be miserable. I might try Wed night and Thursday night. Friday we're supposed to get dumped on with snow, but hopefully I can get in atleast one ride on him this weekend.

Also wanted to add that I was looking him over the other afternoon after our ride and his body is looking great. He's at a good weight, he's muscular and fit and his top line is nice and rounded and his neck is getting a nice shape to it too. I think all of the flat and dressage work is really helping his body and he's looking awesome. In the next couple weeks I hope to have his trace clipped so reduce his sweating after rides and so I can also put on his new winter blanket that I got last year. I love this blanket and have been saving it all summer. It's a Weatherbeeta heavy fill with hood and it's in an awesome color. When I tried it on him it looked so good and fit him like a glove. I havn't put it on yet since it would be too much blanket with all his hair, but I can't wait.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-22T10:36:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone!! Things have been busy as usual. Getting presents bought and wrapped before the big day. Taking care of the animals and riding Possum, plus trying to squeeze in running 3 times a week atleast and working. It's a lot on my plate now especially with juggling finances which is always a stressor. But on a good note we had our barn Christmas party this past weekend and it was a blast!!! Everyone had a great time and there was lots of yummy food and also games on horse back.

We had our famous jump-off competiton, or as many like to call it "jump till you die" contest hahaha. Possum and I did really well. I was so proud of my horse. We were one of the last horse and rider combos at the end and cleared 4'10". We attempted 5'1" twice and knocked it down. But Possum made a great effort and after reveiwing the tapes I believe that if we took off 6 inches before we had we might have squeaked over it. But he mad an enormous effort and didn't even bat an eye at the height. I was totally satisfied wiht our jumping efforts. The jump-off ended in a 3 way tie with three of us making it over 4'10" and nothing higher.

Below are some jumps and stuff from the competition. PLease note that I was not winning any points on style for this. I have a tendency on higher jumps to lift my horse up and over them which you will see in a few of the pics hahaha. I also did wear a helmet just in case which made me feel a little more secure. Enjoy.

Tis' The Season

2009-11-30T09:46:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I had the chance to go to Boston Mass. with my parents and visit some family there for the day. It's a 3 hr ride one way so I spent 6 hrs in the car with the rents which was interesting. I had a great time laughing with my cousins and telling stories with the rest of my family. The food was exellent and I was lucky enough to be able to bring home a plate. After dinner and before dessert we took a 2 mile walk around their neighborhood which was good because I was literally stuffed. It was nice to get away for the day but on the ride back home I was anxious to go home to my doggies.

Possum has also been doing pretty well lately. We had visiting hrs here on Friday for 5 hrs and I couldn't come back home until after 8p. It was a yucky and rainy day and the dogs and I spent most of it huddled in the tack room of the barn staying dry and warm. I did manage to run down to the indoor with Possum and just rode around bareback not working on anything in particular. Yesterday was a gorgeous late fall day with the temps maybe touching 50. It was bright and all the rain we got on Friday was starting to dry up. The barn was busy and I took my time getting Possum ready. I let him pick scraps of hay outside of his paddock while I brushed him. Because it was so busy in the outdoor ring I warmed up out there and then went down to the indoor to work. We started jumping in the indoor just trotting and then cantering low fences and gradually making them higher. Then I got down to the meat of the workout. I set up two fences at about 3 ft with two strides in between. My goal was to 1. get good distances to the first fence, and 2. get him so that right after he lands to then pick himself back up and prepare for the next fence. My goal for the next ride is to then turn it into a one stride.

Possum did pretty well and I was able to navigate him to pretty good spots for the most part. I did notice as we went to the right that he was drifting towards the rail and kind of twisting in mid air. The next time around I made sure to have a strong left leg and also making sure that I had equal weight in both stirrups since the left is my weaker leg. It got a lot better after that. Then we cooled down and went for a walk around the farm and watched the end of a jumping lesson that was going on in the outdoor ring. So my goal for the next ride is to turn that line into a one stride to get him to really lift himself up on the landing of the first jump and then get ready for the next, especially with it being of good height at 3ft.

I've still been running and walking. This past week obviously was hard because of the holiday weekend, but I did manage to ride my horse twice and then run/walk 3 times. This week I hope to get back in the swing of things again. The weather has turned rainy and raw again and I hope that by tonight it lets up so I can go for my run. I'm not really sure what I'm going to do in the winter. I've even thought of going to the barn and running in the indoor at night which could work. The college I work at obviously has a gym and fitness center and I'm hoping that I can talk to the dean and have access to the facilities so that I can continue to work out and stay in shape. The trust of the matter is that even though I hate running and working out, it does make me feel better after I do it so I just need to suck it up.

Well I think that's about it. Just trying to budget now and save money and pay bills and with Christmas seson coming. I've been saving money by cooking more and eating out less which is a huge savings, but it seems that whenever I seem to get ahead on bills other things come up, like our rent just increased by $100, I just paid car insurance, Possum gets his winter shoes on this week which is over $200 and I also need to get my winter tires and an oil change on my car. Again, these are all issues that everyone deals with, but man it just makes me want to be a kid again for a few days.... OK, promise, the next post will be the book review that I have been talking about for a while now. Have a great day!

P.S.- Minnesota dude is good. We still talk on a daily basis and he is also working on things in his own life. We hope to have a visit planned for January, I'm crossing my fingers, I really wanna see him!!!!

Quick Check-in

2009-11-23T09:42:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! Long time no chat. Things have been crazy busy for me lately. Work is going great but still very busy, but also rewarding. I have been teaching a lot more this year so far as opposed to last year so that's awesome. I have only been riding Possum about 3 days a week and for 6 days a week I have been running. That's right, you heard me right. I have decided to get fit and maybe lose a few lbs so I have been taking the two bigger dogs out for runs after dark at night. I find that when I ride after dark it seems like you go faster than in the day light, and plus I never get home until after dark most of the time anyways. I have been doing really well with keeping up with it and am up to running 4 miles at a time. I am toning up a lot but have only lose like 4 lbs. I have a feeling that once my muscles are more fit that they will start to burn more off.

Possum has been doing really for the most part. We have been taking this time to really get back to the basics andn work a lot on our flat. We do jump, but our focus has been on the dressage basics and really working on using less noticeable aids. We did have a kinda crappy ride last Friday. He was really stiff and not using his back hardly at all. I just chalked it up to a bad day and tried not to get frustrated with it.

Yesterday I had plans of going out on the trail since it's Sunday and there is no hunting on Sundays in Maine, but my roomie had set up some big jumps in the outdoor and they looked really fun. I decided to have a "goof off" day and not do anything really serious. I didn't even work on collection. I basically let him pick his frame and only asked that he be forward and not behind my leg. Even though he was a little strung out and flat, he felt comfortable and was not rushing and took everything in stride. We did a flat warm-up and then started jumping small jumps. When he felt stretched and warm we decided to approach a large 4ft vertical. I didn't worry about his head and just kept the steady rhythmn. He was even a little slow, but we got a great spot and he hopped right over it. I was thrilled!!! There was no rush to the jump or throwing his head up in anticipation. It was like it wasn't anything and just up and over and onto the next. SO played around with that jump and then there was another 4ft vertical on the diagonal and we hopped right over that one too. Then m,y roomie set up a stone wall (fake ofcourse) it's was about 2 and a half ft in length and 3ft high with no standards or anything, so really the epitome of a skinny. I thought Possum might look at it some because it was kinda strange looking. He cantered right up to it and popped over. He did give it a little look as he was going over it, but cleared it nicely. I really was on cloud 9. He was doing so perfectly. It also really made me proud because my roomie's horse had a hell of a time going over the stone wall. She would spook and stop short or jump off to the side. It just goes to show me that my horse and I have a great relationship based on trust and when I ask him to do something he rarely protests in terms of bravery. I need to remember this o nthe days he is really frustrating me.

SO it was a good boost to the day since I was kinda feeling down. Minnesota guy and I still talk a lot, and I'm really liking him, but I just don't know if anything will come of it and it's kinda making me sad. I've been hanging out with a couple other guys and their nice and all, but I just don't get that feeling. My mind always keeps wandering to MN guy. I guess I just need to have faith that if it' s supposed to happen that it will and I can't always make things happen the way I want them to in my life. Last night I was kinda bored and Nick texted me out of the blue. Yes, remember him, good ole Nick. He wanted to know if I wanted to come over and chill since I told him I was bored. I said what the hell and went to visit for about 2 hrs to pass the time. We laughed a lot as usual and things were cool, strictly on the friend level. I'm willing to let by gones be by gones and turn the page to a new chapter. Anyways, I think that's about all that's new. Staying busy as the weather turns colder and colder. Almost every morning I have a nice layer of frost on my car. That means Possum is in a mid weight blanket until he gets clipped which will then turn into a heavy weight with a hood in about a month.

Next time I post I promise I will have that book review. It's definately a good book to talk about and especially ponder the early stages of hunt seat riding and proper equitation.

Little of this Little of that

2009-11-06T08:15:00.001-08:00

Wednesday I managed to get out to the barn after getting out of work early and ride my horse. The weather has definately taken a deeper turn into fall and is now fast approaching winter. It was only in the 30's even in the dim sun light that was fading fast. I had high hopes of having a good ride out in the outdoor. But due to a minor crisis with a boarder that involved her dog and about 30 porcupine quills, my game plan was shot. Possum also knew that I was distracted and modeled his mood after mine. Basically the ride just turned into a leisure energy burning ride. We did manage to jump a few lines but he was heavy on my hands and slow to come back and collect himself. I then turned my focus to working on sicrles at both the trot and then the canter. I focused on keeping him soft and round and listening to my half halts. It is when I'm doing circle work that I really try and oay attention to my body. I was having a really hard time keeping equal weight in oth stirrups. I felt my weight tilting to the outside slightly. No matter how I tried and shifter my weight it just wasn't working. Plus with this uneven distribution of weight I could feel him tilting to the inside to overcompensate. I then decided to drop the stirrups completely. As we cantered aroung again I felt him become more even and balanced.

It's amazing what we learn from horses. When we think a lot of the problem lie with them, it turns out to be something that we're doing or not doing and didn't even know it. As we cantered around the 20m circle I really kept an inventory on what exactly my body was doing every stride. My upper body was good for the most part. My head was up and shoulders square. My elbows had a soft give to them every stride with thumbs up and hands about 5 in apart. I then focused on keeping my butt muscles soft and not flexed with more give to my hips. My legs were tight with toe slightly out and contact with both calf and thigh. It was a lot to think about, but it's something that I need to think more about.

I have to admit that I was browsing through RFD TV the other day but came across a great clinic by Lucinda Green, an olympic event rider for the British team. She had a lot of great things to say about body position and feeling the horse. Learning to listen to when they ask you questions. I also learned that your legs can also be TOO tight. That there is a time and place for tight legs and also a time to slightly relax them. Now I realize that eventing is not exactly equatition but it's great advice and good riding is universal and applicable I believe. I really liked her teaching style and everything she said made sense.

One of the other things I took away was her talking about the riders position and weight while jumping. She talked about the horse being like a teeter tooter and how when you jump ahead of the horse or are leaning too far forward it puts added weight on the horse therefore making it harder to lift their shoulders to jump. When a horse jumps they lift their shoulders and front end and are then propelled by their hind end. This got me thinking to the the now known "classic" hunter position of riders basically laying on the horses necks with a too long stirrup. See pics below:

This added weight can put the horse off balace and make it even harder to have a nice jump over a fence. Now, in hunters jumping the fences shouldn't be a huge strain for them since it is not about height but about manners and way of going, but still it makes the horses job that much harder. A lot of riders say that with a riding a hunter it's harder to keep proper equitation because the horse has such a big and rounded jump. I don't believe this is true. I think that too many riders in the hunt and even in the eq ring are trying too hard. I know I am also guilty of this. I find myself jumping for myself instead of just sitting "chilly" and letting the horses motion fold my hips and following with my hand. Many times I will force myself to ride fences as of late and just keep a steady rhythm and pace and let the jump come to me instead of calculating take offs etc. When you let go of many of the technical things it suprised me of how it just happends naturally.

Stay tuned, I am re-reading a good book that I wanted to do a post on , it's called Renegade Champion, the unlikely rise of Fizrada, written by Richard R. Rust. It's a wonderful book written about his mother Jane Pohl who rode on the show circuit with her runt of a TB gelding in the hunters and jumpers classes of the 40's and 50's and breaking gender barriers along the way. Stay tuned.

Ode to Dressage

2009-11-03T13:58:00.000-08:00

I thought I would do a little post about the benefits of dressage in all seats of riding. Before I started jumping and doing all that stuff I rode dressage for 8 years. Sometimes reluctantly because the barn I learned to ride at did not like jumping and it was rarely allowed, but it was very beneficial for me. I am not a huge fan of just riding in 20 meter circles and doing things like shoulder in and haunches in and blah blah blah, but I think dressage for me is like eating your vegetables, it's good for ya. My adrenaline junkie nature is always looking for the newest thrill and exciting death defying trick. Dressage makes me slow down and really focus on the details of my riding and getting the best out of my horse.

Through the eight years that I rode dressage I feel like I have gained a lot. I first learned to ride in a dressage saddle. I remember holding onto the grab strap when I trotted for the first time in the old County saddle. That was a thrill. I learned to have an independent seat. To not only figure out where my seat bones were but to use them as an aid as well. I learned how to make a horse soften to your hands and push up through the bridle and really engage their hind end while slowly shifting weight from their forehand to the hind. But most importantly I learned to feel. I was able to open the line of communication from horse to rider through just feeling.

My opinion is that dressage basics are the foundation of all kinds of riding; be that western pleasure, saddle seat, hunters and equitation, and any other kinds you can think of. Dressage is based on control and balance and strength. Being able to have the horse move in any direction at any speed at any moment. Isn't this the ultimate form of riding? I think so. If your moving cows or running barrels you need clean flying changes based on balance. If your jumping a course you certainly need the basics of dressage. The horse needs to be listening to all of your aids, you need to be able to shorten and lengthen strides, collect and just about everything else you can think of. Even if your just a trail rider it's important that your horse has proper balance and can move off your seat and legs. You need a horse that has good transitions, what if you are cantering along and all of a sudden the foot drops out and you need to stop short??

So I just wanted this post to pay tribute to the great art of riding that is dressage. I am super grateful for the fundamentals and basics that I have learned with having regular dressage lessons. I was showing first level and schooling second level movements when I decided that I really needed to either get serious about it or branch off into another area of riding. It was then that I went to college and was able to have my first instruction in jumping and all I can say is man I'm glad I had my dressage background! I think every rider should be able to ride a training or even first level test with their horse. Dressage is great for the horse. When done correctly it creates a nice top line, strengthens your horse, gets them used to using the powerhouse that is their hind end and increases communication between the rider. It's kinda like stretching every morning before you work out or even start your day, it's good for everyone involved. Remember, it's like eating your vegetables, It's good for you!!!

Fall Scene

2009-10-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

Here is a pic from last weekend. We were on your way to ride through the field and through the woods. Just wanted you all to see the leaves. It was a great day for a hack through the woods.

Showing the fruits of my labor

2009-10-28T14:58:00.000-07:00

It seems that after I make a decision to hold off on the showing for a while is when improvement seems to show. I had such an amazing ride on Possum last night it was crazy. As I have mentioned in my last post we're really working on length of stride, shortening and lengthening. Possum has never had any problem lengthening, but shortening is another story. He's been doing well lately so I decided to setp out of our comfort zone and really put our training to the test. I started out the ride just as any other ride, giving him a good warm-up and then trotting 2ft fences in both directions and then cantering. After that I focused on getting a certain number of strides in a line. It was set to a fairly large 4 stride. Possum easily got 5 strides and once we even squeaked in 6 strides. It wasn't pretty, but it as done. Then I took a deep breath, dismounted and eased the jumps to 3'3" verticals. They were big airy verticals with just a single pole and ground poles.

I just have to add that I hate verticals. Especially airy verticals. I find it hard to really find my spots. I did this on purpose to not rely on my eye and to focus on pace and rhythm. My goal for the exercise was to get 4 strides in the line, just the same as it was at 2ft. So both of us were really being challenged in this exercise. I bit the bullet and started him in a canter. I kept the same rhythm as we did for the 2ft fences and focused on maintaining his energy and having it be an active canter without it being fast. We got a perfect spot to the first fence. After we landed I et him have one forward stride and then eased him into a shorter canter stride. He responded well and we made it down the line in a perfect 4, with it even being a little long onthe take off. I was floored. We did it again and nearly the same result. Then I changed direction and we nailed it again. The one time we messed up, or I should say I messed up was when we were really getting short strides and instead of asking him fir a long spot to the second jump I thought I could sneak in another little stride. But I didn't prepare him enough ahead of time so we had to basically splant his front legs and then make a four footed leap over the jump, knocking the rail with his hind feet. I made sure to let him know what this was not his mistake and that it was me. He seemed to understand because after putting it back up we did it again and he was great.

I was so happy after the ride. I can;t even describe how good it feels for all the hard work to pay off. I felt like we could have done a whole course in a relaxed manner. For the end of the ride I worked for a few minutes on transisions, especially canter to walk.

So maybe I just wasn't working on the right things this summer. Maybe I was focusing too much on the big picture and stressing myself out on showing and everything else that I really didn't get a chance to tackle the real issues. Who knows, but we seem to be on the right track now. I know that there will be set backs and all, but it just feels good to finally get ahead of the game.

I also have to add that my finances are finally starting to look a little more bright. I've been scrimping and saving and paying off bills and trying to get ahead. I also have some money coming in from work that I didn't even think of. So that's def good news as well. I figure that by the end of November I will be all caught up, credit card all paid off and paying bills early instead of a week late.

Still been talking to Minnesota guy on a daily basis. Hoping to either go out for a visit or him to vome visit here sometime in the next month we'll see.

Alright, the roomie is begging my to go out for a walk. We're being lazy asses and sitting in our recliners with laptops on out legs and making silly stupid comments. So I better get back to acting 12. Check in later.

Due to popular demand....

2009-10-22T19:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, people keep pestering me to update my blog. Let me start by saying that work has been crazy busy lately, we have had funerals and or visiting hours every day of the week at the apartment and I have also been riding lots at night after work at the barn. This leaves little time for blogging, never mind even sleeping. But I'll try and give a little update. Possum has been GREAT lately. We have been riding lots this week. Worked on lots of flat stuff. Mainly been trying to really shorten his canter stride and also work on lengthenings. I have been setting up either a 4 or 5 stride line and trying to atleast add one or two strides in the line. I'm happy with his progress since it's been our pattern to leave out strides, so adding them is a huge thing for us. I have also really wanted to work on my position and his pace and rhythm. SO I've been setting up a 3"3' oxer and just cantering it over and over. I'm working on not even touching the reins and letting the even canter rhythm take us to the jump and it's working out pretty well. I'm concentrating on keeping my heels deep, legs tight and letting the horses jump close my hip angle and using an automatic release. It's a lot to think about at once but it's coming together nicely. We also went for an awesome trail ride last weekend with another boarder at the barn and it was fun to get out and stretch our legs in the fall air.

As for Minnesota cowboy, things are still the same. We talk all the time and it's good and I'm just trying to sit in the backseat and let the universe take it's course. That's about all for news in my life right now. Just going through the motions and really busy with work and stuff. I'm looking forward to hitting the trails at the barn this weekend before real deer hunting season begins and keeps us out of the woods for a while which really sucks. I don't even take a chance. There are so many stupid hunters out there that just shoot on sound and the thought of my horse or myself getting shot by some jack ass makes me shudder. Don't get me wrong, there are many responsible and great hunters out there, but it only takes one to ruin it for everyone.

Money has also been real tight as of late as well. I'm trying to catch up and get ahead on bills. Plus my car needs winter tires put on and it's also that time of year to pay car insurance. It seems that as soon as you feel like your caught up and doing well other bills come up to totally ruin it all. SO I'm on a super strict budget and it sucks! I really want to go out one night this weekend but lack of money may keep me home. We'll see. Well I think that's about it. I'll update more this weekend.

Helloooooo, is anybody there?

2009-10-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

This is basically what people are asking me as my posts are now a week apart. So to put everyone's mind at rest I am doing fine. I have been battling a nasty cold for over 8 days now. Last weekend I hung out with my parents and then sure enough on Monday I felt like shit. It was so bad that I either worked from home when I could so I could lay down and drink hot tea or called in sick most of last week. It literally wiped me out and I am still coughing a little with the sniffles, but am feeling much better comparitively. So due to this cold I havn't been riding much or if i have it's been pretty short just to stretch both of our legs. Yesterday I finally felt better enough to do an actual ride. We worked on some endurance on the trail with lots of cantering and trotting and then when we got back to the barn we jumped a few jumps and puttered around. After riding I gave hom a treat while I brushed him and then put on his rain sheet since the weather that night was calling for rain and yes even SNOW! I am so not ready for that stuff yet. After letting him back out in the paddock I snuck through the fence and just chilled with him in the grass. Wherever I walked he followed, it was kinda cool. I gave him lots of pats and hugs and just enjoyed spending time with him.

I got home and then showered and changed since a "friend" had asked me to dinner. I know I know, everyone's interest has just perked up, but it's not as great as it seems. This guy friend and I are simply just that and maybe a little more, but in terms of feelings it is strictly just friends. Basically we are just both a little lonely and not in relationships and enjoying each others company, Kapish? So it was kind of out of the blue that he would ask me to dinner since that's not usually our deal. And to be honest I have been kind of avoiding him lately because I am really starting to have feelings for the Minnesota guy. But I was kinda cornered yesterday and really had to say yes to dinner. Plus this guy friend and I really are friends so it wasn't that bad, plus we have known each other for many years so it was cool. But I couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of sadness. Like I was hoping it was my Minnesota guy that I was chillin with instead of this guy friend. My MN friend and I talk literally 5 times a day. We talk about anything and everything and we can talk for hours. He's sweet and nice and has his life together for the most part blah blah I know you guys have heard it all before. However he is not in a position to date anyone right now. He is in the process of a divorce after a seperation and has kids so I really don't want to be in the mix, and plus it's not my place to be either. (FYI he got married 10 yrs ago when his gf got pregnant and obviously it's not working out) But we talk all the time and it's great. He picks me up during the day and he tells me I do to him too. I really look forward to talking to him and we just seem to click. I know we're 1600 miles away with some obstacles to get through, but boy does this feel good. He's honest and up front, almost brutally honest. He hasn't been happy in a long time and was basically staying in the marriage just for show and then finally couldn't take it anymore. He then came to Maine just looking to get away for a while and get out of the situation and have fun and that's when we met. Neither one of us planned this at all and neither one of us were looking. I was just getting over the Summer of Molly and having fun and he was getting settled into the single life of just himself. He is by no means a player, it makes me laugh a little because of how little experience he has had, but it's cute all in the same hand. SO I really don't know what is going to happen. I have no expectations and we communicate effectively about it all the time so it's good to not have any secrets. Just taking this really slow and "holding my horses" so to speak hahaha. All I know is that as of this time I am not really interested in anyone and am just sitting in neutral seeing what the universe has to bring me. Patience is not a virtue of mine so this is good for me mentally and emotionally just to cool my heels.

Well I think that's about all. It's raining today and I'm not going to ride since I'm still not feeling 100%. I think it's gonna be a clean the apartment evening, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, folding clothes etc...real fun. Plus I need to catch up on everyone's blogs since I've been offline for a bit. Have a great day everyone.

Guess Who?

2009-10-05T15:12:00.000-07:00

Crazy work week with little time to ride

2009-10-04T16:19:00.000-07:00

Just as the title implies it was a crazy work week. I worked late 4 out of the 5 days in the work week and have been running around the county going to schools and colleges in a crazed frenzy. My poor horse only got ridden Wednesday and Friday nights. Wednesday I finally had a break in the action to ride my horse. I didn't ride long, only for about 30 minutes since it was yucky and rainy. Had to ride in the indoor and someone else was also riding a young horse so I didn't want to do any serious jumping. Possum was quite energetic which was cool, but he was well behaved. We flatted for the most part. Working on bending and transitions. I worked hard on my equitation and getting back into riding shape. It's crazy how when you don't ride so many times a week you lose so much muscle, especially in the legs. It was went OK for the most part and I just focused on enjoying my horse. We tried dodging the rain back up to the barn and I gave him a good grooming and put on his rain sheet.

Friday was a much nicer day. It was still cool, only in the low 50's, but I love that temp anyways. Possum came right up to the gate and was ready to ride. I stripped his blanket off and curried him for a while. Now that it's getting colder and the days are getting less and less light they are really starting to get in their winter coats and shedding their summer ones. We ended up having a pretty good ride despite my low energy levels. He warmed up good but was a little lazy so I had to work a little to get him in front of the leg. Once we started trotting some 2ft jumps he perked up some. We worked on being straight and not having him just fall on his forehand after a jump. This is always a challenge for him. He listened pretty well and I was happy. We cantered some small lines and he was nice and slow and collected. I still took it easy on tight turns still kind of babying that left hind. It seems to be doing good, but I don't want to push it. We worked on some canter circles and flying changes. To end the ride we worked on some collected and extended trot sessions. I have found that once Possum starts jumping some and using his back that he is more apt to lift his back in the flat work. So he was nice and collected and really through the bridle. My roomie and I walked around the farm to cool out and then put our horses away. I put his rain sheet back on since the weather was calling for a wet weekend.

Saturday was soaking wet. I had family in town so I went to my parents and did laundry and visited with them. I went to bed early Saturday night since I was going back in the am to meet my family and going to a local fair on Sunday. The fair was a lot of fun. It was good to see some people I havn't seen in a while and hang with the fam. Ofcourse the fair food is always delicious and totally fattening, but hey, we're allowed to indulge sometimes, right? The weather actually cleared in the morning and we even had breaks of sun in the afternoon which was nice. I did feel guilty not riding my horse, but I figure the break won't hurt either of us. Tomorrow I have to work late again but Tuesday I really want to get out to the barn at a decent time and hit the trails. This time of year is so nice with the leaves changing and the nice crisp clear air.

As for my "cowboy friend" we are still 1600 miles apart so it's kinda hard, but the roomie and I are still planning on going out there to visit and check things out, but it might have to wait until December or January because money is really tight right now and I just have no spare cash. Our plan is to go out to Minnesota in the worst part of the year weather wise so we can see it at it's worst because it will only get better from there and see if we can really handle it if we do decide to move next year. This is all just planning and talking for now, nothing is definite for sure, but I know we're both ready for a move and knowing people out there is a plus so we won't just be on our own. So stay tuned for that. However, my cowboy friend and I do talk on the phone every day which is nice, atleast we can talk if we can't see each other. Well I think that's all for now, kinda quiet around here other than the craziness at work which I hope will slow down a little in a few weeks.

What a Great Day!

2009-09-28T13:02:00.001-07:00

Pic above is a quick shot of the trail ride Possum and I went on on Saturday.

Yes, you heard me right from the title of this post, today is a great day. No particular reason other than the sun is shining and I hopped out of bed this morning with a feeling of purpose, strange I know. The air is warm and clear, and despite the fact that I work a looong day today it seems to be working out alright. I also get frequent calls from my special cowboy friend which also helps to make the day move along in a pleasant way.

Things have been pretty quiet since the show. I wanted to give Possum some time off and he just got a new round bale when we got back Sunday night, so I let him gorge on that most of the week. Saturday was a gorgeous day with a small bite to the air, perfect sweater weather! I slept in some, took a shower and decided to leave the dogs at home so I could thoroughly enjoy my ride on the pony. Possum came right to the gate and I led him into the barn. I spent a while grooming him and looking him over. He is starting to shed his summer coat for a thicker and more dense winter coat, aghhh!!! I'm not ready for winter. I saddled him up and led him over to the picnic table and hopped on. My plan for the ride was to have fun and enjoy the weather on the trail. The ride was great, it was just Possum and I and we were able to have some bonding time together. No stress, no agenda, it was great. When the footing allowed on the way out we trotted some. It felt good to feel the extra spring in his step from having the week off and he went forward willingly. About half way through our ride I couldn't resist and we took a detour to a large field and then I just let him fly. I forced myself to be aware of everything. The sound of his hooves thudding in the mowed grass, his rhythmical breathing, the up and down of his neck, the wind in my face and the sound it made as it screamed by my ears. I looked up to see bright blue sky and the sprawling field ahead, this is heaven I thought to myself. Forget the dusty arenas, the yelling of trainers on the sidelines, the nervous chomping on the bit by the horses and the scared and tense look of the riders. I was riding with a huge smile on my face that I couldn't hide if I tried.

All too soon the end of the field came into sight and I slowly pulled him up. He gave a toss of his head as a small protest to slowing, but he too saw that the woodline was approaching. We walked the rest of the way back until we hit the road. It was nice with my feet dangling out of the stirrups and the steady swing of his back as he walked with purpose. I have to confess that on the straight stretches I asked him for some collection and to reall work through his back as he trotted. Then when we cantered I would ask every few strides for a flying change just to make sure he wasn't rusty, he wasn't. He did everything I asked, I could tell that he too was feeling good. When we got back his neck had dried to a crusty sweat and we both felt better, like some satisfaction had been filled. I untacked and gave him a brushing and threw him back out.

I'm gonna be real busy with work this week, working late 4 nights this week until 8p. I hope one of those nights I can get out and ride before the sun sets. That's about all that is happening. Yesterday it rained all day. I went to the laundromat and then watched movies with the roomie most of the day and cleaned the apartment. I may be planning on a trip out to MN with the roomie sometime in November, but it's purely in the planning stages right now, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Hope you all have as great a day as I'm having.

Pic from the show

2009-09-23T11:07:00.000-07:00

Someone sent me a fairly decent pic from the show last weekend. Possum looks pretty good, but I'm jumping slightly ahead and my release could have been higher, but I can tell you that I had to be right on top of it on the landing so I'm guessing that's why I didn't release as much as normal. Not to say that's an excuse, but he was pretty strong on the landings. But on the plus side, Possum and I do look the part even though we couldn't walk the walk that day.

Weekend re-cap

2009-09-22T10:12:00.000-07:00

Well I finally have time to sit for a few minutes and check in with your guys. I apologize for not having any great stories or long accounts of the show, but I really just wasn't feeling it. I feel like I've been in a race since I came back from Virginia and really just wanted to do something fun and relaxing and the horse show was anything but. Thursday I got ready for the show most of the day because were were shipping out Friday late morning. I got all my tack cleaned and horse clean and everything packed. My back was killing me by the end of the day but it felt good to have it all done. I then went home and got all of my stuff together for the most part. That night I went to the local fair with a friend to hang out with some of the bull riding people that had come into town. I ended up having so much fun. They were primarily from Minnesota and Iowa and what a great bunch of people they are! I didn't want to leave. We were laughing and joking and just having a great time. I didn't go to bed until the wee hrs of the morning.

I had my roomie load Possum on the trailer the next morning so I could have an extra hr of sleep and then she came back to the house where I helped her hook up the camper. I then got ready and packed and had to drive the one hr in the opposite direction to drop off my dogs, then went to the barn and loaded my car with the stuff I had packed the day before and then hit the highway to meet up with the trailer and my roomie at the show. It was just about dinner time when I arrived. I checked in on Possum and put some mats in his stall and fed him and gave him a quick grooming. I got my stuff ready for the jumper portion of the show and hung for a little bit in the barn and then went to the camper to sleep, since I was beat. I got up early the next morning and cleaned his stall and fed him breakfast and then took a shower and got changed in my riding gear. The show Saturday was soooooo slow. It was about 1pm before I finally was able to ride in the first jumper class. Possum had a great warm-up and felt good on that hind leg, but I also didn't want to push it. We had some good rounds in the jumpers. I can't remember off the top of my head what we placed, but it was fairly good. By the end of the day I was tired and cranky because it had been a hurry up and wait situation. I took care of Possum and then decided that I would drive the hr and a half back home that night to meet up with the cowboys for the last time since they were shipping out Sunday morning and I had a little crush on one of them, the one I stayed up till 5am talking to. I really wanted to spend a few more hrs with him before he went home to Minnesota. I took care of Possum and then hit the road. I got home about 8p and took a quick shower to wash off the days dirt and headed to the fairgrounds. It felt nice to walk up to the large group and have everyone yell my name and give me big hugs and excited to see me, I have to admit it made me feel good.

We hung out and then went to a local bar. I didn't drink since I had the show in the morning to drive back to. My classes were last of the day so there was no huge rush, but I still wanted to feed and make sure everything was ready and I also had to polish my boots. So I was the DD at the bar, but I still had a blast. I danced basically the whole night, moving from one cowboy to the next. They were such great people and so respectful that it was a breath of fresh air to hang out with them. They definately stuck out like a sore thumb in our small town or locals but they just took it all in stride and if someone was ride to them they just brushed it off. I got home about 2am and slept till almost 7am. I packed up and took a shower and was back at the show a little after 9.

The day was just not that fun. Our barn for the most part did excellent and that was great and I was happy for everyone. I had a good warm up on Possum and then when it was my time to go in the ring for our first eq class it went fairly well. Not great but ok, but we still ended up 4th out of 4. The medal class was pretty much a wash. I was a little nervous and ofcourse Possum picked up on it and started to get strong. We got some bad spots, he was rushing in the corners and lost his hind end lead. I was so nervous that I wasn't blinking on course and my contacts were drying out and almost fell out of my eyes, so I basically did the second half of the course with my eyes shut. I tried my hardest. Tight legs, sitting back and using my body to try and slow him. It was so bad once that he lost his hind that I had to wrestle him to a trot to bring him back. I ended up with a score of 50 which is pretty crappy and placed 3rd out of 4 and didn't even get a call back to do the second test. I was pretty upset and had to fight back tears.

I've realized that I really need to sit and think about what it going to make me happy. I have never loved showing, but it's getting to the point that I'm starting to hate it. It's a lot of work and money and if you don;t like doing it, it's gonna make you miserable. I don't really know what is going to happen, but I feel like a break from showing is necessary. If I'm not into showing, my horse sure as hell is not going to be into showing. As it is is he puts up with it because I wanted to do it. I think this fall we're gonna take it easy. Hit up a lot of the trails and just have fun and spend time together. Get out heads and bodies straight and then maybe make a decision.

I'm kinda down today, not in a bad way but I kinda miss my new friends, especially the one that I had gotten close to. Just a real great guy who is a sweetheart and very genuine. He's not a super model or anything, but once you start talking it's just so easy and smooth. I'm glad that I got to be friends with them and have a lot of their numbers so if their up this way again we can hang out or something. SO I'm back at work adn the daily grind, sitting here thinking what it would be like in Minnesota hahaha. Everyone has horses and farms and all that good stuff. We stayed up late a few nights just talking about the west and how different it is from the east and the people. It makes me wonder sometimes.

Well I think that;s about it. I don't have any pics right now and to be honest they wouldn;t be that great anyways. I'm glad to be home and have some time to relax and settle back into the routine. I have a late presentation at the local college tomorrow night so I won't be able to go to the barn, but hopefully Thursday I will.

It's Already Wednesday!!!

2009-09-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

I have soooo much to do it's not even funny. Show is T minus 2 days away and I need to get a move on my packing. So this whole week has just been a balancing act of barn and work. AFter work last nite I literally raced to the barn to make sure I had enough daylight. I got Possum out and groomed him and gave him a once over. Ever since this funky left hind thing has been going on I've been hyper vigilent in checking everything over and making sure there are no changes or anything. Everything looked the same as it did before. I got him all dressed and took him in the outdoor arena. He was super lazy. I felt like I almost needed a crop to get him going. We spent a bit of time on his warm-up, lots of trotting and then cantering big circles so as not to put any early stress on that left hind. Basically my rides right now consist of really reading how he feels. My gut still told me that something wasn;t just right but I had nothing to base it off of. He was perfect and balanced cantering to the right, but still to the left I felt that slight compensation.

I decided to press on and trot some smaller jumps and really stay in tune with how he was feeling. He went right up to the jumps and did his job great. We started cantering smaller lines and he was steady and quiet and calm. After about 10 minutes I decided to throw a roll back in to the left. Right after the jump on the turn he lost his hind end lead. I cooled him out and decided to lunge him to see if I could see anything from the ground. I had asked everyone I could especially in the past few days to see if they could see anything going on with him. Even the barn owner and trainer couldn't see anything. I put him on the lunge and started to trot him out in a large circle. I could see that he wasn't striding up as much with the left hind and seemed to be picking it up slighter quicker than the right. Again, it's hard to see, especially when your trying to see something. Then I asked him to canter. This was the tell tale sign. With no rider to keep him balanced he was a mess. (Ok a mess in my mind, maybe not a mess to some people) He even started out cross cantering. ONce he did get the lead he quickly lost it. I ended the lunge session immediately. I went and talked to the trainer and he was to be given a gram of bute that night and put on MSM to help if there was any inflammation going on. She said that it definately did not look like stifle and she thought that it might be a slight muscle pull. We can't really know for sure, but it's really frustrating.

Possum isn't in any pain that I can tell. I know this horse inside and out and we communicate on a level that's kinda cool. He's not in pain, but it seems that it's more of a nuisance for him, like "c'mon leg, stop doing that" After untacking him I spent a good 10 minutes going over his entire body taking mental note of how everything felt and looked. Everything appeared to be fine. I touched his hind all over from rump to the bottoms of his feet and found nothing odd. I again washed his hind and legs down with liniment and popped him a gram of bute and started him on the MSM. I will not ride him the rest of the week until Saturday. Saturday morning before the show I'll lunge him and then ride him and make an asessment from that. We're only in 6 classes Saturday with nothing above 3ft. I just want to make sure my horse is 100% before we do anything. Keeping my fingers cross that it is just a sprained muscle or something and move on from there. I feel bad because he wants to keep riding and working, but I'd much rather be safe than sorry. As I let him back out in his paddok he trotted away and cantered, crazy horse, I told him not to do that, he looked back at me like "what's the big deal dummy?"

So with not riding my guy for the rest of the week I should have plenty of time to pack. Tonight we;re going to my parents to get the camper and for me to throw in a load of wash since our washer is dead. Tomorrow I will be cleaning tack and packing grain and hay and shavings. Getting all my equipment and supplies in their respectful totes and starting to make a list of all the clothes that I need for myself. I feel like I have a child and then some, having a horse is so much work, but I have to admit that I love it. I am psyched for a good time this weekend and I have faith that Possum will be 100% and rarin to go. Think good thought for us please!!

Well I think that's about it. It's a gorgeous day and the weather sounds good for the weekend!

Number 200

2009-09-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not this is my 200th post on this blog!! I can't believe how the time has flown by. As I look back on all of my posts I see some growth along with all the struggles, and even some really good things that have gone down. The blog to me is a place to reflect and get thoughts out of my head and share comments with others that my not necessarily know me. I started this blog at a very hard time in my life and it's been through all of the journeys that I have been for the past year and a half. With that said, I had a good time in Virginia. The days were kinda boring and the nights were made fun! Some of the work shops were good and useful and some of the other ones were boring and not something that I could use in my work. Ohwell.

I came back Friday night and raced to my parents to pick up the dogs. They were so happy to see me, and the feeling was mutual for me as well. I had to wash a load of laundry while I was there because our washer shit the bed, joy, more money to spend. So it's 4 days and counting until we leave for the Medals. We will be leaving Friday afternoon to head up there with the horses and stuff. I will be coming up a little after since I have to drop my dogs off at my parents again. I'm really excited but I know that it's a lot of work and a lot to prepare for. I know once we get there and can settle in and relax that it will be fun. I just dread the thought of packing and stuff beforehand. So much to remember and bring and store that it's kinda depressing. I do have Friday off from work thank God! I also took that Monday off as well to unpack and relax a little since I will be out straight the entire weekend. So Friday I will pack all that I need, give Possum a bath and do all trimming and prep work at the barn so that all that needs to be done at the show is braiding.

My scheduled is as follows for the show. Friday we unload and unpack and settle the horses in. Saturday moring I egt him ready because we are entered in 6 jumpers classes, heights 2'3"-3ft. Because I decided to only do the jumper classes I do not need to wear formail show attire. I will be wearing beeches and tall boots and a polo shirt. Possum will be wearing a square embroidered white pad with his sheepskin half pad and he will not be braided. That way we can go around the ring, jump some courses and get some of the energy out of him. My goal is to have him nice and quiet for the day of the medals. Saturday night the barn owner is going to braid Possum for the Medals the next day.

Sunday will be the day of the Medals. Everything is to be clean and polished and looking great. I have an equitation class and a Medal class. My classes start later in the afternoon so that will give me a chance to get ready and watch the others from the barn. Sunda night we will finish packing everything up and head back to the barn.

So with the Medals weekend only 4 days away my goal is to ride consistently this week. I rode Saturday and I could feel his right hind acting up again. I have asked a lot of people about this, but no one seems to have a good idea by looking and feeling it. It is also something that you can't see when he's going other then losing his hind end lead. But when I ride him I feelhim tip his rib cage in and over compensate with the outside hind, therefore making him not through his body. But on a good note he has been very quiet and listening really well in our rides. Because of his hind issue I am not doing tons of jumping, but what we do he is very nice. I have even gotten to the point of asking him to add strides in a line and he's doing it! Our changes are also going really well, over 80% of the time on his bad side and 100% on his good side. My roomie even rode Possum one day that I was gone so it was good for him to stay in shape and working. I did not ride yesterday after riding fairly hard Saturday. When I was done Saturday I gave him a liniment bath making sure to really rub any sore spots and checking him over thoroughly.

Tonight after work I'm headed to the barn and going to have an easy ride. I think I may even just flat him and maybe go for a little jaunt down the road to keep him fresh. My reasoning is this. It's not that Possum can't jump the jumps or the height. He's good on tight turns now because we have been working on them, and he's getting a lot quieter in the lines. Basically I just need to keep him maintained and fit and most importantly sound. I have a feeling Saturday will nock him down a peg with the jumpers. I don;t want him too tired and that's why we;re only doing 6 classes. And if he still feels good there is a race track on teh grounds that we can play around with too. Possum especially loves galloping on the track, and remembers it wellfrom our marshaling days.

SO that's the game plan. I have also been having a lot of fun in my personal life as well. I'm not going into details since there are way more people that read this blog then I realize! But the weather has been consistently great and I'm having fun with friends and hanging outside. No BF prospects, but just having fun with good friends.

Alright, think that's about it. I am so busy at work too with school starting and being in VA all last week and now with the Medals coming up and having Friday off I'm swamped. Checkin tomorrow, later.

Alright already

2009-09-06T07:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it's been brought to my attention that I havn;t updated my blog in a while. I think it's funny but also makes me feel just a teensy bit important to have people miss my posts, I'll take what I can get. So here goes....

I rode for most of last week. Had a couple of good serious ring rides and a couple of really fun trail rides. The weather here for the last week has been beautiful. We're so used to having it rain almost every day this summer, getting 7 days of sunshine in a row is like heaven. The temp is also perfect. 70's and80's during the day and nice and cool at night with no humidity. During one of my ring rides towards the end of our jumping session I felt that left hind acting up again in the turns. I cooled off quickly and then after untacking him inspected it. There was no heat or swelling, just those nasty looking lumps that have turned hard and calcified. I cold hosed it anyways for about 10 minutes and rubbed liniment on the whole leg and rump. If it's one thing about Possum, it's that he HATES liniment. I'm pretty sure it's the feeling he doesn't like, the tingling sensation. He dances around and stomps his feet and has even done little rears. He doesn't ast as bad if it's just his legs but if I scrub him down with a bucket of water and liniment he freaks. Just another little bit of info on my crazy appy.

It's actually been a good week for me and a restful holiday weekend. I've been hanging out with friends and having fun at night. Work has been crazy. Schools are back open again and I've been getting back into the schools and getting presentations ready for the year. After this weekend, Tuesday morning I fly down to Virginia for a conference for work for 4 days. I think I;ve said this before but I'm gonna miss my puppies like crazy!!!

I've also been running more this past week. I've been running down the old snowmobile trails and it's helping to keep my motivation up. But i have to admit that my meals have been less than healthy, I'm sipping on a can of Pepsi as I type this hahaha.

Last night was particularly nice. I got to the barn at around 6 and it was pretty quiet, just as I wanted it to be. The dogs ran around and and did their thing and I got Possum out and ready. He was pretty slow to warm-up. He usually doesn;t get his motor revved until we start cantering some and then he comes into himself. My goal was to work mostly on rhythm and pace. He did excellent. I was thrilled with him. His canter was absolutely perfect. I was able to just sit pretty and lift him up when he started to get a little heavy. He was nice and light for the most part and responsive, it felt really nice. I was still riding in the Happy Mouth Elevator. I've decided to keep riding in that right up until the medals since he is doing so well in it. I want him this light and responsive for the Medals rides. It also helps that we've been working a lot on the flat Bringing things back to basics and having him really listen to my seat aids more. Getting him to rock back on his hind for downward transitions. I'm actually pretty happy with our progress. SO when we got to the jumping part of the ride last night I was really sensitive to any heisitation on his left hind. He felt great and nice and strong. The rhythm and pace was right on! I was jumping for joy inside. Even with the jumps au around 2'6 and some close to 3ft he was still keeping that nice pace, and with that pace I was better able to get him to a good spot and not be fighting with him all the time to slow down. I only jumped serious for about 10 minutes, enough to get throigh every line and mix things up a bit, I didn;t want to push my luck.

After the ride I untacked him and gave him his dinner to eat in the yard. It was so nice just sitting in the grass watching him eat and playing with the dogs The sun was just setting and everything was pink and orange and a huge moon was hanging in the sky.

Today I really have no plans, I want to go to the barn and have a fun ride this afternoon since he was so good yesterday. The sky is such a bright blue with no clouds in sight, it's just beckoning me to ride. Tonight the roomie and I are going to her guy friends hous for a small cook out and he invited one of his single cop buddies over too to meet me. Who knows, I'm not expecting a love connection or anything, but can always use good friends. I've also been hanging with a few guys lately too. Nothing serious, just having a few drinks and chillin. It's nice to be in the company of guys again and chatting. I feel like I'm just starting to feel ok living the single life, doing my own thing and only taking care of myself. I'm looking forward to this fall andofcourse the medals are only 2 weeks away!!!! That's going to be the highlight for sure, everyone back together as a show team again and having the whole weekend dedicated to horses and showing, I can't wait.

Well I think that's about it for now. Sorry it's been so long between posts, I'll try and keep up, but when I'm in Virginia I'm not sure if I will have internet, so we'll see. Have a great holiday weekend!!!!!!

Getting There....

2009-08-31T06:17:00.001-07:00

I've been riding Possum on a fairly consistent basis. Friday I went to the barn and watched my roomie have a lesson and relaxed on the swing by the arena while munching on a roast beef sandwich (on wheat bread and light mayo). After her ride I was leisurely going to get Possum and then found out that the barn owner was taking a client out for a trail ride to the pond. I only had to think for 2 seconds and decided to forego a borning arena ride and hit the trails with them. They were ready before me, I still had to put britches on, tie Phin up and put on Possum's bridle so they went ahead. Note that Molly did not watch which way they went to the pond. There is a short way which is mucky and has a steep hill and then there is a longer way which is basically riding on the road. Possum and I geared up and then trotted through the field, walked down the mucky hill, cantered down the county trail, walked to cross the ditch and water and then cantered up a rocky hill to another field. I thought that it was funny that I hadn't caught up to them. I also wasn't noticing any fresh tracks in the trail, although both the other horses were barefoot so they blend in better with older tracks. When I finally got to the part where we cross the road and take the trail that heads to the pond I decided to follow back the longer way and see if I would meet up with them head on. Sure enough I meet up with them a few minutes later. Both the barn owner and I conceded that the extra mileage was good for Possum, I was also thinking in the back of my mind that it was also good for me to burn of a few extra calories. We had fun at the pond, didn't get too wet cause we had all our tack on, but enough to cool off and enjoy the scenery. When we got back to the farm I decided to have Possum go around some jump courses for a few minutes just to stay sharp. He was already plenty warmed up sp we trotted a few and then went right into cantering. The trail had taken him down a couple notches energy wise and he was pretty quiet and we ended on a good note.

Saturday I didn't ride. It was all rainy and yucky and cold so I opted to be lazy and stayed home for most of the day. Yesterday was perfect weather wise. The air was dry and the sun was shining but it wasn;t too hot. I got to the barn late afternoon, I had to watch the Red Sox game first ofcourse haha. It was too nice to just do work in the arena so we had a long warm-up and flatted some. We brushed up on some flying changes which he did well with and did lots of serpentines and softening work. He was doing so well, like butter in my hands. I literally had ounces of weight in each hand, even on his bad side. I decided not to push my luck so we turned for the trail. It was Beautiful! We just buzzed along. Trotted when the footing was iffy and cantered when it was good. SOmetimes I just really like trail riding by myself. It's when I do my best thinking and relaxing. I Don't even talk out loud but I feel like Possum is knowing all that I'm thinking. Either I'm really in tune with my horse, or I'm just a wackadoo, I'
ll leave that one up in the air for now. It was nice to just get out. But like most of my trail rides I do like to work on things, We worked on shortening andn lengthening strides at the canter. ALso worked on some flying changes which he did awesome with. He was soft and responsive and really working through his back at the trot. I was really happy with how he was going. We got back to the barn about dusk. I gave him a quick grooming and then he had his grain since his paddock had already been fed. I then turned him out and fed hay to the guys in his paddock. It was just starting to sprinkle when I left.

Not sure if I'm riding tonight. If I don't I'll atleast find the time to have 2-3 serious ring rides this week and then a trail ride or two as well. I Like to mix things up. Possum is a little like me and can get bored easy and when he gets bored he finds things to do that are fun, Like galloping around an entire jump course. I want to keep him on his toes and working on things, but also want him to think it's fun and stay in tune with me. I'm finding that it's a hard balance. As long as we have our regular trail rides and gallop sessions he seems to be pretty happy.

Didn;t do much socially this weekend like I said I stayed home most of Saturday and Sunday went to the barn. But I did manage to rustle up some fun on Friday night and ended up hanging with an ex......giggle giggle....and no it wasn't Nick. It was actually quite comical and trust me nothing came of it. I won't get into details since this blog has become quite popular as of late so I'll leave it up to your imaginations. Well that's about it for now. Work is getting real crazy again since school has just started and I've been moving my office to another room in the building. Now I need to make up some posters to hang in the schools. Have a great day!

Another really good ride

2009-08-26T16:22:00.000-07:00

Got to the barn after work tonight and the weather was almost perfect. It was cooling off and the air was a lot frier than it has been. Possum warmed up kinda slow but I took the time and we did lots of trotting and softening work. When we started to canter he was a lot softer and more responsive than usual. I was so excited and was able to just sit and try and equitate as best as I could.

After a good flat warm-up we started trotting jumps and he was really doing quite well. Then I had him canter one single jump. Cantering to the jump and then breaking to a halt about 8 strides away, turning him around and then cantering the jump the other way. After he did that decent we jumped a roll back. There was a lesson at the top half of the arena so we stayed towards the back. After doing that fairly well we did some diaginal lines and he was really listening and going nice and slow. I even tested him and we got 6 strides in a 5 stride line, I was thrilled that he was really coming back to me and shortening his stride when I asked. I put the roll back jumps up to 3ft and practiced just going back and forth over those working in both directions. I was really happy with the ride! When we were finished I could tell that he felt good too, his ears were up and he had a nice swing to his back andw as just looking around. I made sure to give him lots of praise.

Below are some pics. The first one is a pic of one of the new jumoes everyone has been painting, they look really spiffy!

I let Possum out loose to eat his grain and graze for a bit. Got a shot of his ugly appy eye hahaha.

This is a shot of the sun shining on him as he's grazing. It is so hard to keep him clean!

A close-up of him eating his dinner

Lastly a shot of all his muscles. He is quite fit and muscled. Look at that nice long appy tail, when I got him it was barely to his hocks and now it almost touches the ground. Also note that I do not touch his mane and that's all teh growth I can get. Luckily the barn owner is a whiz with braiding and make it look really nice for shows since I'm braiding challenged.

Great ride last night

2009-08-25T13:56:00.000-07:00

Got home form work last night and changed, grabbed the dogs and raced to the barn. Possum was out in his paddock haning out with a round bale. I went out and go him. I was happy to see that the farrier had done his back feet. He had done the fronts last week and didn't have time and it was getting late and said that he would come back Monday. I was psyched cause his shoes were wearing thin and starting to make that "clunk" sound out on the road, meaning that it could go at any moment.

The weather held off and after tacking up we headed to the outdoor arena. I had no real game plan and was going to play it by ear according to how he warmed up. I let him warm up slowely not asking him to collect and just kept the reins loose so he could criuse around. After a while I asked him to collect. One of Possum's infamous traits is to suck his neck in, disengage his hind and crawl around in a nice false frame. I had to use quite a bit of leg to get him moving forward. It was then that I cursed myself out for not grabbing a dressage whip. Finally he started to really work through his body. I still had the Happy Mouth three ring Elevator on for a bit. He was suprisingly light and it was nice to only have ounces in my hands. We did some lengthening and shortnings. His canter was nice and round. His stiffer side is to the left and I worked extra hard on softening him with some shoulder in and lateral work. I was really pleased with how nice he was moving and feeling. We did some flying changes across the diagonal and he didn;t rush them and was quiet. Towards the end of the ride he was really stratching into the bridle and I could really feel him push with his hind end. I quit on a good note.

After a nice flat we hit the trails. He was a little sluggish at first. I could tell that he thought he had done a good job and didn't want to work anymore because a roundbale was calling his name out int he paddock. After about a quarter mile he perked up and really got into the ride. When we got to the long dirt road part he started to dance. We hadn't galloped in a while because of the funky thing going on with his left hind. I got up out of the saddle and we started to fly. It felt good to be out galloping again. His strides ate up the ground and before I knew it we were reaching the end. We walked most of the way back to the barn and cantered along side of the hay fields. I was very happy with our ride. Even though we didn;t go over a single jump, a nice flat is definately the stepping block to a nice hunter round.

Might ride again tomorrow. Have plans Thursday night so won't ride then, we'll see how hot the weather gets tomorrow. Possibly a wet weekend is coming so that means riding in the indoor mostly. Either way we'll get in some solid rides and keep working towards the medals.

Getting the wheels of motion into working order

2009-08-24T07:18:00.001-07:00

OK, so The Downeast Medal Finals are slightly less than a month away. I rode Possum Thursday and Friday last week and both in the ring. Thursday was challenging but I could see some noticeable progress. I did switch to my bridle with the Happy Mouth Elevator for some added leverage. It did help some in getting him to halt in lines quicker and help to lift his shoulders instead of leaning on the Pelham. He can't lean on my hands as much with the elevator. Now some of you might be scratching your heads and wonder why I have to do all this bit switching and talking about heavy on my hands, because really a horse is only as heavy as you will let them. Let me start off by saying that Possum has some permanent nerve damage to his mouth from his past abuse. What Possum works best off of is poll pressure. He actually does great in a Hackamore, but unfortunately those are illegial in hunters and eq, I could use one in jumpers. So with added nerve damage, being naturally built downhill and riding like a 1929 dump truck; you can start to see where my problems are hahaha.

Hes a very good boy. He would never buck or rear or be dangerous in any way, but he is also not an easy ride. He has a very straight shoulder which makes his trot bone jarring. He has a neck that is on the shorter side and his withers and back are dead even, meaning that for him to lift his shoulder and the frontpart of his body and really push from behind makes it hard for him. What is easy for some horses like some dressage movements, or soft and collected downward transitions is hard for him. I realize this, but on the other hand it is possible and if we want to do well at shows we need to work on this lots.

I feel while I am pointing out the negatives of my horse I should also add in a few positives just to even it out. Possum is the best trail horse ever, hands down! I have talked about this before, but basically he will do anything that I ask on a trail. He has a wonderfully long canter stride and can eat up the ground easily. Conformationally he is not that bad. I mentioned the straight shoulder which could possible be trouble in the future, and the short-ish neck and the slightly downhill build, but nothing like you see on the Fugly blog or anything. But other than that he doesn't have an real faults that could make him unsound in the future. He just isn't built like those wonderfully large warmbloods who are up-hill with long sculpted necks who just naturally collect. The ones you see cantering in the field and it looks like their in a dressage test. When Posusm canters and gallops around the paddock he looks like an arab. Head up, tail up, back hollowed and usually cantering disunited and then tripping because he was off balance. Am I drawing an accurate picture here?

So Thursday's ride went fairly well. We continues to work on halts in the middle of lines, then trotting int he middle of lines and then after some success just a strong half halt in the middle of the line. I absolutely hate having to muscle my horse around, but sometimes to get through to him it takes very strong aids and then we just try to quiet them every time after that. I do have to give him credit though, he strides were more collected and he was rushing the second fences in the lines less which is plus. We also continue to have challenges in jumping lines on the downhill of the ring. Cantering and then jumping 3ft on a downhill adn then quicky gathering himself and getting off his forehand is very very very hard for him. We usually leave out a stride on the downhill lines but I was working hard to get those correct number of strides in and I could see some progress. I ended on a good note and let him cool out, we were both really tired.

Friday it was threatening rain all day. I did manage to get in a 40 min ride before the skies opened up. Not only was it pouring but the lightening was horrible. The next town over even had a tornado touch down. A tornado in Maine! It was crazy. So for our 40 min ride I warmed up fairly quickly. It was hot and muggy and I didn't want either of us to get too over heated. I just wanted to brush up on the jumping from the day before and see if any of it had sunk in. He actually did fairly decent. We rode a couple courses, nothing fantastic, but also nothing that would make people hold their breath.

This weekend was just a relaxing weekend for me. I literally stayed home all weekend. Saturday was another super humid day with temps in the mid 90's. I cleaned the apartment top to bottom. When I would get really hot I would go in my room and cool off in the ac and then go back to cleaning. The apartment really needed a good scrubbing and I was feeling motivated so it was a good combo. Yesterday I ran some errands and then watched some TV. We still havn't gotten ride of all of the fleas so we did all the carpet stuff again, bathed all 4 dogs and my roomie's cat in flea bath and washed all our bedding again. Those suckers are really hard to get rid of. The weather we're having isn't helping either. Hot and sticky exuals lots of fleas. Supposedly this is the worst year on record for fleas in Maine and we're not te only ones having issues. It was quite a project last night. My roomie and I in our bathing suits one washing the dog and one rinsing them. We scrubbed and scrubbed and rinsed and rinsed. It was so hot that the sweat was dripping off my face into the bath water, gross!! SO now the dogs are all squeaky clean, the rugs treated and the bedding washed. So keep your fingers crossed. Ok enough of my rambling. Hope to ride Possum tonight if the weather holds off. Probably going to do some flat and then a quick trail. Have a good day everyone

Dog Days of Summer

2009-08-19T08:20:00.001-07:00

Here is Phin guarding the front door to the funeral home (where I live). I thought he looked so cute just standing there and Abby went up to join him. Phin is definately like his mother, he sits and thinks and is kind of a reclouse at times. He's my big baby.

Close up of Phin on the front steps. He was less than impressed about having his picture taken, he was still on the look out.

So this is my excuse for not folding and putting away all my clean laundry. Jetta was enjoying the AC in my room and decided to curl up in my clean clothes. This little dog does anything she wants!

Went to the barn last night to ride. Braved the above 90 temps and got all dressed in breeches. I go and get Possum out of his paddock, put him in crossties and notice that he is missing a right front shoe. Crap!! No riding for me. I groomed him up and inspected the foot. He was almost due for a reset anyways, but I was really hoping to get in a ride. We have been totally slacking lately because of the heat and we really need to get a move on. The Medals are in a month! I called the farrier and he called me later in the evening. He's going to be at the barn today and hopefully he will have time to show Possum. It's another hot and sticky day and I can't wait for the slightly cooler temps for tomorrow. My roomie is gone for 2 days so I have the house to myself and her dog is at the kennel. I think if I don't ride tonight I'm gonna brave the humidity and go for a run or long walk. I need to stay in shape and keep in a routine. Have a great day, off to a teen group at work......

Just a Quick Update

2009-08-17T09:35:00.000-07:00

Wow, I just realized that it's been a while since I posted. I actually don't have much to resport on horse related. I did ride Possum Thursday last week. It was a long hard ride and we had to work through a lot of our challenges, like half halting in lines, not throwing his head up to avoid contact so that he can continue to the next jump. His hind end is almost completely better which is good. He is a lot stronger in corners to the left and keeping his hind lead nicely. By the end of the ride we were both hot and sweaty but atleast he was listening a little better and we had accomplished something, It may have only been a small something, but it was in the positive and that's all I care about.

Friday I went to the barn with every intention of riding. It was later in the evening, about 5:30p but it was still well into the high eighties for temps. I was all dressed in boots and breeches. Most everyone at the barn was sitting in the middle of the outdoor arena taking a break from painting jumps. They have been making and painting jumps lately and they look really nice! So I started chatting with them, and then someone else arrived. Then before I knew it I had a beer in my hand and was still shooting the shit. The sun was starting to slip below the tree line and it was then that I knew I wasn't going to get my ride in. Plus Possum was leisurely eating from a round bale and I don't think he minded not getting a ride in. It actually was a great night. I needed to laugh as much as I did. We sipped beers and told stories and before long it was 10p! I stopped drinking but continued chatting. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and you could see all of the stars. The temp was perfect and you could hear coyotes howling in the fields. It was after midnight when the last of us got in our cars and went home. The dogs were long asleep by this time and I had to wake them up to get in the car to go home. It was one of those summer nights that you get once or twice a year that everything was just really good about it and you get to hang with good people. It was one of this summer's highlights.

Saturday dawned hot and steamy, into the 90's. My roomie and I took the motorycle and went to lunch and then went to a friends house to swim in her popol for a few hours. Then it was game time! The big softball game that we have been practicing for, the police versus the fire department. I was playing for the police side. It was a charity game to benefit a local sexual assault center. I drank tons of water but still was sweating like crazy. The game was a blast and we ended up winning 12-5. I was a little disapointed with my hitting. I only got one really good clean hit and the last were little tings off the bat that resulted in pop-ups, one that was caught and one that was dropped on an error. After the game it was kinda bittersweet that we wouldn't have any more practices, I love practicing and doing drills, almost as much as playing in the games themselves. Afterwards we went to a local pub for some drinks and apps. Afterwards we then went to a friends house where there was 4 of us and we sat in the hot tub and sipped beers and basically stayed up all night talking and hanging out.

Sunday I was exhausted. I only got about 2 hrs of sleep and then my roomie and I grabbed lunch and then went home and showered and then went to my parents camp on a lake with the dogs and went swimming. We had a mini cookout and the water was so nice that no one wanted to get out. My dogs aren't much for swimmers, but my roomie's German Shepherd loves the water and she was even diving off the dock and going crazy. Here is a pic of the lake the camp is on.

After a few hrs we went home to chill. I took a 2 hr nap with the dogs in the ac and I have to admit that it was heaven to just relax. Later I went to a friends house to watch a move and then came home and went to bed. I don't think I could have packed anything else into this weekend if I even tried. Ofcourse I havn't heard from Nick and I don't expect to. I have erased his number from my phone and am hoping that after a while that it erases from my mind as well. I'm doing OK and just trying to move on. STaying busy helps and keeping myself surrounded with positive and good people is great. Am thinking of riding tonight after work, but as it stands right now the temp is 94 degrees and if it doesn't cool off significiently I might have to skip it again. It's supposed to aleast be less humid by Thursday so I should be able to get in a few days of good rides.

Finally something good to report on....

2009-08-12T08:11:00.000-07:00

I finally have a good thing to write about which is awesome. As you all know I have been trying to shed some lbs this summer, and especially of late. I have lost a little over 20 lbs since this last winter but I have just really started to notice. I have been trying to do something active every night after work, be that softball practice, riding Possum or even just running down the road. I do feel a difference in my fitness level and my tummy is getting flatter for sure, but it's those damn love handles that just stick around.

I don't know why they call them love handles, cause I sure as hell don't love them and I don't know who else would. Their the start of a bonified muffin top which I am deathly afraid of. When I woke up this morning I was just walking around in a bra and underwear after I took a shower. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirron and I nearly jumped at the person I saw. No I wasn't rail thin or anything like that, but I saw some clear definition. I started to see small outlines of pecks in my stomach area and my legs were toned and defined. My shoulders were becoming more defined and my collar bone was noticeable. I was such in awe that I kept turning and looking from every angle, like a music box I had as a kid with a ballerina that twirled when the music played. Granted I am also very tan right now so that is always slimming to the eye.

I decided to do a little test. Just over a month ago I tried on a pair of cargo pants that are size 6 with no stretch to them at all. I couldn't even button the button on the top because it would have popped right off and the legs and butt area were so tight that I don't think I could have sat down. I gingerly picked up the pants that I had thrown in the corner of the shelf over a month ago and took a good look at them. With the nervousness of jumping off a cliff I opened them up and slid both legs in and pulled them up. To my pleasant suprise they came right up and without heisitation buttoned them right up. The legs weren't snug and there was even a little room and the waist area was snug, but not tight and I could definately not have to worry about popping the button off. I was so happy with the results that I decided to dig out my Tailored Sportsman breeches and try those suckers on. Their a 30in waist with no stretch in the waist or pant at all! I had bought them by accident 3 or 4 years ago without trying them on. Their the high waisted ones and with no stretch there is no hiding any bulge in these things. I put one leg in and then the other and then it was the moment of truth. Their side zip with a clip and not a button. Side zip equals getting over the "love handles" Without so much as a tug or a grunt or a 1,2,3, suck it in I was able to zip them up and clip them!!!

I havn't been able to wear those britches since last summer when I lost all that weight when "G" and I spilt up and certainly not after I broke my back and gained all that weight. I was literally on cloud nine. It felt nice to see some results of my hard work. This is not to say that I don't eat crap occasionally and I still love my Pepsi once every few days, but whatever I'm doing is working. I feel healthy, and energized and my body is responding in a positive way. This is just what I needed to lift my spirits and keep me motivated. I've been feeling down lately with the whole Nick thing and we talk less and less and I'm the only one initiating conversation or texts and then last night after practicing with the roomie I drove by his apartment and there was a chick there getting out of the car. It should be no big deal, but it still stung a little. I texted him a few minutes later if he wanted to have a beer or two and all he wrote back was "can't sry" I then wrote back that "this sux, we never even talk or hang out anymore" Ofcourse I didn't get anything back. It's just so hard to let go sometimes. I'm trying, really I am. I'm doing all the right things, keeping busy, working out, hanging with friends etc... But it's still in my mind. So the fact that I am losing weight just makes me feel a little better today. I wanna feel good and look good. I want to wear whatever I want and walk with confidence.

So it is with great pleasure that I can say that I am offcially in a size 6 (for the most part, women's sizes are screwy anyways). Below is a pic of Mariska Hargitay who is a self acclaimed size 6. I will never be a 0 like Eva Longoria, or even a 2 like Jennifer Anniston, I don't think a 6 is too bad!

P.S. my boobs are nowhere near that big, so you can just take those out of the picture

Monday Musings

2009-08-10T06:24:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a weekend I've had. It was a busy one for sure, but I still can't help but feel very alone. I know that this will subside in time, but I'm just waiting for it to stop consuming my thoughts. Ok, moving on...

Friday night I had a great time. My roomie suprised me with dinner with my friends and then we went to the Old Port in Portland (Maine) and went to the clubs dancing and having a good time. There were 5 of us in total and we all had such a great time. We looked after each other and danced togther and all laughed. It was a great. We didn't get home till like 2am or something but I was still buzzing to I stayed up and chilled on the porch until I felt sleepy. I also got my hair cut Friday afternoon which desperately needed it and styled it with some curls for going out. This is a crappy camrea phone pic, but I was ready to hit the town in style hehehe.

Saturday I woke up bright and early (10am) and got ready and went to the barn with the dogs. It was a picture perfect day, a breeze, warm but totally dry air. I got Possum out and cleaned him up and tacked him and brought him to the arena. In some stroke of luck we were the only ones in the arena, score! I worked a long time on the flat still taking special care of that funkyness in his left hind. I could feel that he was getting stronger on it, but he still needed help from me to keep his lead in one corner, but otherwise he felt great. We then started jumping small courses after warming up and he was doing really well. Nothing was over 2'6" but he was taking his time for the most part and we were getting the right distances and striding. I was really happy with that and let him end. I took a long time walking him out to make sure to totally cool out that hind. I let him loose to eat grass while I just hung out. Then I took the dogs and went to my parents house to go to a local fire department for a chicken bbq. The chicken was awesome, the corn was sweet and ripe and the home made desserts were great. My parents and I sat on the picnic table outside near a pond and it was perfect and peaceful. You could see them flipping the chickens, hear the murmor of people talking and just the normal day to day activities.

It's times like these that I wish I had someone to share these moments with. Someone to just share a look with or hold their hand or even a small nudge from under the table. I'm such a sap, but it just sucks. When we got back to my parents house they gave me my present of toilitries, scratch tickets and $60. I was thrilled, I always can use shampoo, soap, contact solution, face lotion, conditioner and new razors! The dogs and I then all packed back in the car and drove home. I was pretty tired still from the night before and actually went to bed at 9P.

Sunday I got up at 5:30am to go watch a show that my barn was attending. They picked me up along the way and I took my small dog Jetta with me. It was 2 hrs away but the chatting in the truck makes it go by faster. It felt weird to be at a show and not showing, I should be used to that since I havn't been showing nearly as much this year, but it still kinda feels funny. Jetta and I set up the chairs along the ring and got to watch all the action all day. I worked on my tan while watching everyone else jump and flat around. I can't wait for the Medals in September, It's going to such a fun 2 day show. The weather was perfect for a horse show. Warm, but with a little breeze and the air was dry. The show didn't get over till about 5:30P and we still had to drive the 2 hrs home. We stopped for some quick food on the way home since we were all starving and told funny stories the whole way back. It felt good to laugh even if some of the jokes were at my expense, I should be used to that by now. The truck dropped Jetta and I off at the end of our road and we walked the short distance home. My roomie was gone to the house was quiet. I let the other 2 dogs out and we hung outside for a while. The cool air felt good on my crispy shoulders. I then went inside and played my Eli Mattson CD and put ina load of laundry. My roomie came home shortly after. I took a quick shower and went to bed fairly early.

I was plagued with bad dreams all night. I had a dream that Possum threw all of his shoes and took most of his hoof with it and I was running around trying to find a farrier to help. That was horrible. I had a dream that Nick was still in High School and I had just graduated and I was trying desperately to have him want to hang out with me by meeting him and dropping him off at school. It was so messed up that I woke up before my alarm and decided to stay up to make sure I didn't slip back into that dream. This day is just kinda blah for me. I'm feeling lonely. I'm trying really hard to be positive and look at all the great things I have going on, because I do. But sometimes you can't help that lump in your throat and the stinging in your eyes. I have softball practice tonight, but we also have visiting hrs at the funeral home so they might have to go with me annd hang in the car in the shade while I play. I hav't really figured that out yet. Well we have staff day here at work so that should be fun. Playing games and hanging out with co-workers all day with no work, how can I complain about that!

A Year in Review

2009-08-07T06:03:00.000-07:00

So it's my birthday today. I am fast approaching the big 30. I am turning 28 today. A lot of things happened in my 27th year and I have learned ALOT! I'm not gonna lie and say that I'm not atleast a little depressed at where my life is right now. But at the same time I really have nothing to worry about. My 27th year started out with getting back with "G" and trying to work things out. This obviously didn't happen and then I moved onto Greg. You all know how that panned out and then Nick and I started hanging out. There's been some happy times and a lot of down times with tears. When my parents were my age they were married, had built a house and had 2 kids already. They are still married, still live in the same house and still have two kids who are now grown. I wonder what path the universe has in store for me......

Some of the good things of my 27th year have definately been with my animals. All the dogs, my horse and even my cat are doing awesome. They are all healthy and happy. Possum and I are progressing in our riding. We did fairly well at the medals last fall and have been riding consistently throughout the year. We even got so bored and bold this winter that we hooked up a rope and a tube and hauled people around in the snow, that was fun!

Even though I havn't been able to attend as many shows this year as I have wanted due to lack of funds, we have been doing alright, especially with only competing in the 2'9-3' division. The Downeast in June was a good show for us, and luckily the Medals this year will be held at the same show grounds and the footing is great. Here is a pic from the show in June.

Last summer at around this time my roomie and I were settling into our new apartment above the funeral home. It has now been over a year and I still love where I live. It's huge and comfortable and most importantly their dog friendly. I also got my nose pierced this winter which is my first piercing ever.

This year was also the year that I broke my back which was really tough. Not only breaking it, but all of the stuff at the barn and just having it be one huge accident was horrible. This is something that I will never forget and I will also never forget to thank my lucky stars that both Possum and I made it through with only bumps and bruises and were able to make a full recovery.

This year has been one of growth and stretching my legs. Trying to be comfortable in my own skin and also recovering from broken relationships and a broken back. I'm connecting with friends and learning to just relax and have fun. The just relax part needs some work. As a person with high anxiety, relaxing is not always easy unless your sleeping hahaha.

So my goals for year 28 are as follows: Doing my own thing. Focusing on myself and not trying to force things to happen ie. boys. Fun Fun Fun. Not someone else's idea of fun, but what is fun for me. Be that going to the barn , or singing outside my house or doing cartwheels and handstands on the baseball field (what my roomie and I did last night after practice). I also want to focus on losing weight and being healthy. I'm doing well with toning up and being more physical and shedding some lbs. I hope to be fairly slim by Thanksgiving time if all goes well. When I feel better about myself physically, I also feel better mentally. I have more confidence, can wear the clothes that I want and feel healthier. Save some money. This is a hard one for me since I don't make a lot to begin with and usually after all my real life bills it all goes to the animals. I do want to put some away into retirement, even if it's onle a few bucks a week. Hanging with my friends, both barn and otherwise. But there is nothing like your barn friends. We all live breathe and speak horses. There's nohing better than a big group of horse people (who all get along) and having a good time.

The next big thing I'm looking forward to is the Medals in September. It's going to be a weekend filled with horses, friends and showing and I am bound and determined to have the time of my life. No boys or other stressors are going to get me down. There will be jumper classes and of course the medals. We will be camping out at the grounds and will have a blast. But until then, It's just a day at a time, an hr at a time and even a minute at a time.

Gone to the Dogs

2009-08-06T06:23:00.000-07:00

These are pics of the most important kids of mine. I don't have any really good ones other than random camera phone shots, but the first one is Jetta and I when I got her last year. The second one is Abby taken this summer at the barn. And the third is Phin. I love this pic cause it's just too funny. He was growling at my roommates dog and I got right up close and took his pic. He totally looks like Cujo.

My dogs are a big part of my life. We do almost everything together. Yes, they have even been to work on occasion with me. They go to the barn, they go to my parents house, they go with me to friends houses and they all sleep with me at night. We're best buds and they help me a lot especially when I'm feeling down. They can always make me smile and laugh and just being with them makes me feel better. I always joke that I would rather hang out with my dogs then most people.

This is not to say that they don't have their flaws or get into trouble. Phin, since he was a rescue has issues with little kids, especially little boys. He gets nervous and can snip at them if I'm not around. He has gotten better at this, but it's something that needs to be watched carefully, especially with kids at the barn. Abby and Jetta love to chase horses that are loose and running on the property. They won;t chase them if their not already running, and if their in a paddock, but if their loose grazing or anything, it's game on. We've had some stern talking too's about this chasing behavior and they've been getting better.

As I have previously mentioned in earlier posts I was never allowed to have a dog as a child so Phin is the first dog I have ever had. Then Abby and then Jetta. Dogs are the best because they are always happy to see you, they never hold a grudge and always want to hang out with you. My dogs would spend the whole day in the car just chilling if I let them. Their extremely well behaved in the house. No messes, no accidents and no chewing or destructive behavior. I have been really lucky in getting three dogs that are so well trained in the house and do not need to be crated or even started with crate training. I give Phin a lot of the credit for teaching the girls how to behave and act when no one is home. They don't have separation anxiety which is also a plus. I usually kiss and hug them each bye in the morning and they just sit there and watch me walk down the stairs.

Because my dogs are very important to me, it's also important that the guy I'm seeing (don't get excited, not happening right now) also get along with them. That was one of a list of reasons that I was totally bummed about the Nick thing. He really loved the dogs and they dogs loved him. My dogs can be hard critics so when they take a liking to someone it means something. So while I don't have a man in my life, I have my dogs and my horse to keep me busy and supported. Some might think I'm crazy for holding my dogs in such high esteem, but they really are like my children. I would give my animals anything that they needed. I even have a little nest egg set aside just for animal emergencies in case anything were to happen.

Now onto my pet peeves. I can't stand it when animals are neglected. Not from lack of food or water or health care. But from lack of attention. Animals, and especially dogs like children need nurturing and attention paid to them. Too many times I see people who are never home and just leave their dogs around or crated for hours on end. Dogs to some are seen as just some kind of ornament. I make sacrifices for my dogs, not because I have to, but because I want to. I come home early from places to spend time with them and let them out. I rarely ever go away because of my dogs, plus I miss them like hell when I'm away for a few days. I have dogs because I love them and know the responsibility that it takes to keep them healthy and happy both physically and mentally. I always use the example of people putting themselves in the position of their dogs. I know personally that if I were just left on the house or tied outside for hours upon hours with no stimulation either mentally or physically that I would literally go insane. And many dogs due. They take out that energy in destructive manners, like a child would. Any attention is better then no attention whether that means getting it in a positive or negative way. I even go as far on a hot day if it's going to be really bad, putting them in my room with the AC on so they stay cool. Dogs also are very different by breed as well, and that needs to match your life style. If you have an active lifestyle that your willing to include your dog on, or if your a homebody that likes to just stay home and are not very physical.

I personally have been lucky with my finds at the shelter. All of my dogs came from the shelter. They all three get along great, no one vies for attention over the other and I'm also mindful to spread the attention equally. Everyone always laughs or looks twice when I bring the dogs for walks around the neighborhood. They all have matching Lupine leads and collars and I take all three at once. It's quite a sight to see going down the road.

Well I guess I'll get off my soap box here. My dogs are just an important piece of my life and I wanted to give them a little showcase here on my blog. There are many great dog owners out there and that's awesome. Many kids also have less than ideal lives and that sucks too, trust me I used to work in CPS and it's not pretty. My philosophy is that if your a great animal owner, your going to be a good parent, oh man that's scary when I turn that on myself hahaha. Have a great day everyone. I think I might hit up the barn tonight and chill with Possum, but the day is young and I'm open to anything.

Productive Ride

2009-08-04T17:13:00.001-07:00

Went to the barn after work tonight to get in a good ride. It was pretty hot out and I had to get my motivation up to make sure I get a good ride in. Possum came right up to the gate and was ready to come in. It took a while to groom him up because he was filthy and shedding! When I got to hid ears I always know his favorite spots. The farrier was there and some of the kids were holding a horse for him and all laughed when they saw the expression on Possum's face. He stretched his head down and forward as far as the crossties would allow him and I scratched away. His eyes rolled in the back of is head and his lower lip dropped. He really looked like an ugle mule, but he was thoroughly enjoying himself. After he was all clean I tacked him up and away we went in the outdoor arena. He was a little sluggish to start. I took a long time walking and taking special care of his funky hind end deal. Then we did long sessions of trotting all the way around the arena. I was really wanting to work on my equitation and let him trot along on a long rein. I focused on my lowered heel and keeping contact with my calf and thigh while trying to keep my hips back and back arched. Did lots of surpentines and then started working on transitions making him more sensitive to downwards, getting to use less rien and more legs and seat. He was doing pretty well.

We then warmed up at the canter and he was pretty decent, although at the top of the arena turning left down the long side I could feel a slight heisitation and a small twist in his ribs. I kept my weight even and tried to support him as much as I could not wanting him to lose that hind end lead. After thoroughly cantering him in both directions it was time to work on the meat and potatoes of the ride. First we did walk halt and then trot walks and eventually worked up to canter walks and canter trots. I wanted to mix it up to make sure that he was listening to me and not just expecting on what was happening next. Towards the end of the ride he was doing really well. I gave him lots of praise when he did it well and let him have a walk break. Positive reinforcement is a big part in how I train and work a horse. They need to clearly know when they do it correctly and when it's incorrect. When they do it right I like to reward them on a job well done. After getting many canter trots and then canter walks I let him end on that. I opted not to do any jumping. I didn't want to push the issue with his left hind. We walked around the farm to cool out. It was so ot when I was riding that I felt the sweat dripping off my face. As we were walking around I felt refreshed and like we had accomplished something. Sometimes it's about taking a small bite instead of the whole thing when it comes to working on areas that need improvement. Today it was downwards and I was satisified with the results.

Whenever I have a good productive ride I always feel more clear headed. My body also feels good working and burning calories. I sometimes have a bad habit on my downwards to let my hips move side to side. I concentrated on keeping my upper body still, my arms bent and letting my seat bones settle in the saddle. Since Possum is very downhill he needs a lot of support on clean downward transitions and it takes an incredible amount of core strength. After Possum was thooughly cooled out I untacked him and gave him a good brushing since he was quite sweaty. I gave him a treat and then turned him out to eat his hay for the night. I don't think I'm riding tomorrow, but I hope to ride again Thursday and work a little more on transition and then possibly trotting jumps. Troting jumps is always good for a horse rider. It gets them using their body and can develop an even better eye. It also gets them snappy with the front end. For the rider it's good practice for position and distances. Well I think that's about it. I'm just home sitting in the ac and watching re-runs of the Cosby show. It's so funny because as a kid I was allowed to watch it and then I had to go to bed right after. I used to hate it that in the summer my parents made me go to bed when it was still light out. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those care free days when I only lived in the moment and my biggest worries were if we were going to the beach that day. Oh well, life is good. With freedom comes responsibility and at this age it's just learning to balance the two.

Holy this summer is flying by

2009-08-03T06:42:00.001-07:00

I can't believe that it's August 3rd already!!! That means my birthday is 4 days away and that summer is starting to wind down. It seems like we're just getting into nice weather and fall is knocking at the back door. Had a busy weekend and the weather held off for the most part. Friday I got out of work at noon and went and did my banking and stuff and took the dogs to the barn to run around. It was starting to rain pretty heavy at that time and I made the executive decision to not ride since we would have to ride inside and there were group lessons going on. I hung out for a bit and fed Possum some carrots and then went home. I pretty much just hung out on Friday at home. Later that night my roomie came home and we sat in the living room and sang songs, big ballads like Roy Orbison's Crying, and Whitney Houston, I Will Always Love You and Leaving on A Jet Plane. I was still singing them as we let the dogs out at about 10p. The next morning we were outside in our PJ's letting the dogs out again when our neighbors came over and thanked me for the serenade last night. At first I was confused and then I got really embarrassed. They just laughed and said that I should sell tickets next time. I sheepishly apologized and quickly made my way back inside. I was totally embarrassed because I know I'm not that good of a singer, but apparently that night I didn't care, oops.

Saturday the roomie and I got up fairly early and went to the barn to ride before it got too busy and hot. It wasn't that busy, but it sure was hot. Possum was pretty good. I rode him in the pelham and started outside, but due to all the rain the night before it was still kinda slippery so could only flat in the dirt portion. Another lesson started and I decided to try a little jumping down in the indoor. Possum was doing OK, but his left hind still felt a little sticky. The lumpy bump on his fetlock was going down and hard and cool so I didn't think it would hurt it, plus he was full of energy. We warmed up over some small verticals at a trot and then just cantered them. I really wanted to work on him listening to my half halts, especially in between lines. I had him halt in the middle of a three stride line of jumps at about 2'3". He wasn;t that great. At first he was like a bull and kept charging down the line almost jumping the second jump. He threw his head up to avoid the contact and hollowed his back. He couldn't evade the contact after a while so he would skirt sideways. After a few tries he was doing better but still nothing show worthy. I then asked him to canter the whole line with a sharp half halt in the middle and he did listen to that which was nice. It was soooooo hot in the indoor that we were both pouring sweat and puffing hard. I walked him around the property to cool him out.

I don't know what it is with my horse. I'm trying very hard to not blame him and really see what is going on big picture. I hate to admit it, but I do think that my horse is smart, maybe too smart. He loves to jump, and sometimes that takes priority over what the rider is saying or asking. Never do I have to ask him to go faster in a line unless we really get a horrible close spot and need to make up ground, but he is always more than willing. He likes to do things on his terms, even though I know better. I also know conformationally it is hard for him to sit on his hocks and rock his weight back on downward transitions because of his downhill build, but ya know, it is possible! Unfortunately he has the heart and mind to make a terrific jumper, but his body not so much. He is brave to every jump. never looks at a thing, and trust me I've jumped him over scary things. He never refuses unless the rider really screws up and that is totally not his fault. I guess what needs to be done is to keep grinding away. We need to perfect all of these little things before the medal finals. We both need to be sharp and on our A game. He needs to be ready for tight turns and roll backs and long spots and short spots, and most importantly being able to adjust his stride!

My friend the other day was talking about Possum and I and saying that he really did turn out to be a good horse for me. I kinda laughed at that statement, but what she said was that I always like a challenge. If I had an old plodder or a push button horse it would get old and be no challenge. This may be true, but damn, sometimes I could use one of those for my own sanity. Oh well. I have softball practice tonight, but I plan to be back in the saddle tomorrow.

Saturday after riding we went to a pool party and had fun. I played horse shoes (of course). Ate some yummy food and swam in a great pool. Thanks Courtney! I then went to the movies with a friend, we saw The Ugly Truth. It didn't get great reviews, but I thought it was cute and funny. It made me laugh a lot. Thanks to whoever suggested it on here.

Yesterday the roomie and I took the motorcycle to the little open show to cheer on some people from our barn. We had fun and the weather held out for the most part. One of the finniest quotes of the day was from my friend Emily. There as a friesian there that everyone was ooooing and ahhhing over. I'm not a big friesian fan myself. Their pretty and all, but ughhh, I think they look much better in harness than being ridden. Here is exhibit A and B below:

Well the friesian at the show was kinda strung out and getting wrong leads all the time and the rider didn't really know it was wrong. As we were leaving I was talking about the friesian to my friend and she simply said "friesian's can do whatever they want." How true that statement is hahaha. I didn't even have a come back for that. Friesian's are so highly regarded with people, especially with the not so experienced horse people. I really have no use for them in the jumping world and those feathers just scream scratches to me. I know I would be shunned from society if I clipped them. SO I'm sure I'm gonna catch some crap for this statement, but hey, it's my opinion. I own an appy for Gods sake, so obviously I'm not into looks or athletic ability ahahaha.

After the show we rode the bike back home. It was then we found out that all of our animals have fleas. Not infested or anything, but we had noticed more scratching lately and sure enough when we put the flea comb through them they all came up with 1-4 fleas each. We then went to Walmart and got stuff to treat them. Also got carpet powder and washed all of our bedding in hot water. The cats were less then impressed about the treatment, but it had to be done. If it's one thing I hate in this world it's fleas!! I think it came from the cats under the porch in the dirt that brought the fleas into the house. I'm crossing my fingers that the treatment will work and we caught it early enough to kill them all. Well that's about all I think. A busy and fun weekend. I also think my roomie is planning a surprise for my birthday. It just dawned on me last night that she has asked me like 5 times if I had plans for Friday and she's been kinda secretive on the phone. I have to say that I'm excited to see what happens. Have a great day everyone. Can't wait for practice tonight.

It's Friday!

2009-07-31T05:30:00.001-07:00

This week has flown by it seems. I've been pretty busy with work and then doing things after work. Wednesday afternoon I went to the barn and there was hardly anyone there, very rare for our barn. I believe it had to do with the 90 degree heat we were having. I got Possum out, he looked about as hot as I felt. I took a while grooming him and gave him some treats and then put a bridle on and decided to ride to the pond. I had my bathing suit on under my shorts and tank top. I also tied a lead rope around his neck for something to hold onto while he swam. If you have never experienced a horse swimming, it is a completely different feeling. Lots of power, almost like a dolphin surging in and out of the water, especially at first until they hit their swimming stride. One of the biggest things you have to be careful of is that you do not use the reins for balance and pull them in the mouth. When a horse is swimming the only part of it's body that is above water is their head. If you pull back on the reins you can cause them to flip over or to the side and then you have a horse thrashing to get their bearings meanwhile there is a high risk of getting kicked from the thrashing legs.

So I decided to get in my exercise and take the long way both to the pond and back. Making it about an 8 mile round trip bareback. The worst part about it was that the deer flies were horrible. Swarming and bitting. I was wacking them off both myself and Possum. We trotted and cantered as much as we could to get away from them. Once at the pond it was really relaxing and we just hung out in the water for a bit to cool off. Then I urged him out further and away we went, he went out a little and then turned back for shore. We did this a couple of time and then decided to turn back. It was good just to chill with my horse. Riding bareback is fun and really nakes you feel like one with the horse. We were cantering down the side of the road on one of the long stretches and just fo rkicks I did what the boy did in the Black Stallion, I put both arms out and just let my hips follow the motion of the canter as Possum kept a steady pace. It was refreshing and exhilirating. When we got back to the barn my legs were super sore along with my seat bones. Bareback is a great way to develop muscle, but it makes you tired pretty fast. I put Possum back out in time for his dinner and headed home.

Last night I had softball practice which was fun. It was soooo muggy that I was sweating like crazy. It was good to run around and hit and throw. I was happy to learn that I will be playing third base at the game on Aug. 15th. I played 3rd all through highschool and it's just wher I feel really comfortable. I can snag just about any ball that comes my way. After that I went home and took a cold shower and just chilled with the dogs. I've just been trying to do my own thing lately. It's hard just focusing on myself. I always would rather take care of someone else or worry about someone else, it's just ewasier for me I guess. Nick and I have been casually chatting through text msg, but just in a friendly way. He called Thursday night and we talked for about 30 min just shooting the shit. It's nice that we're friends and all, but my heart still kinda aches. I don't think I realized at the time how much I was liking him. But I have to believe that there are better things out there for me, and that it will come on it's own time, and not when I say it should. Nick is also going to North Carolina for the weekend so hopefully since he is outta state he will also be outta my mind. I have a busy weekend planned. I was going to go riding today and I still might but we're supposed to have nasty storms and rain this afternoon and into tonight. Tomorrow I'm going to a friends pool party and then Sunday a large group from the barn are going to a local riding club to do some open classes and few of us are going to cheer them on, so it should be a fun time. Other than today the weekend looks great.

On a little side note, which should make you all chuckle. I saw Greg yesterday at my house. He was mowing the lawn since it is the funeral home and was just finishing when I got home. Just from the brief conversation that we had he was having trouble with the new girl in his life. He said that he was having trust issues. This does not suprise me since I do know a little about this chic and she is kinda a wild one. She is my age, has a child that she doesn't have custody of and lives out of state. I have seen pics of her in compromising positions if you know what I mean. Plus, Nick used to date her and now he hates her. For Nick to hate someone it has to be pretty bad since he is so easy going. I have to admit that I felt a little bad for him, but after what went down between the two of us, I can't feel too bad. I even cracked a joke that wasn't he sorry for not taking the chance with me when he could. He gave a smart ass remark and I pretended to be offended and then he left. We'll see how that sage plays out. I guess all I can say is that I'm glad I'm not in the drama, well atleast the drama that I don't create in my own head. Well that's about it for today. Even if I don't ride I will still see my Possum and clean him up. When it's hot like this he loves to roll in the dirt and get all gross.

Honest Scrap Award

2009-07-28T10:04:00.000-07:00

So thanks to wolfandterriers for nominating me for this award. From what I understand I have to tell you ten things about myself that you may not know. This is gonna be hard because I talk about everything on my blog, the good, the bad and the ugly. We'll start with the ugly.

1) I am very insecure in the fact that I feel that I don't belong in a certain "group". I'm not a party girl, I'm not the total nerd, I'm not a preppy, I'm not a full tom boy. However I want so bad to be part of the "cool group". This sounds ridiculous I know. I know it stems from my middle school days when I went from cool to zero seemingly over night and was constantly trying to regain my status even into my high school years. I feel like I'm not pretty enough, or wear the right clothes, or act the right way. I don't have enough friends on Facebook, or enough contacts in my phone. I also joke about how few people call or text me, but really I'm taking note of it all. I seriously am stuck forever in the middle school mentality on this subject. To this day I am scanning people all the time, checking out how they look, act, what they wear and how I can fit in. I think it's also a primal need to fit into a group for survival's sake that has just stuck with me. Wow, this was embarrassing to admit, but hey, I'm sure there's a lot more people out there like me.

2) I am as opposite as hot and cold when it comes to maturity. I am all business at work and when I have to be serious. I can draw upon my vast education to get me through and command respect from a person or group. I know how to talk the talk and walk the walk when it comes to being a professional and relating to people on an information basis. On my down time, I am forever a 12yo. I can be loud, obnoxious, funny, crazy and completely sarcastic. I have been known to tell jokes or make statements that make people cringe and want to walk away from me. I love to have fun in the very sense of the word. I love sports, being in the water, goofing around and just plain having fun. I always joke that as a kid my favorite toy was a box that a new refrigerator came in. It provided many hours of fort fun, and to this day I'm sure if I found a big cardboard box you might see my feet sticking out of it.

3) I am ferociously competitive with all sports and games except with riding horses. For some reason my competitive nature gets checked at the door whenever I sit in the saddle. I havn't quite figured it out, but it's kinda baffling in a good way. I can be a total rotten sport, especially when it comes to card games and board games and that's why I try and avoid them at all costs. Riding horses has just always seemed like my own battle to get better.

4) I have no natural talent for riding. You heard me right. Riding has come with a lot of blood sweat and tears for me. I am a natural athlete. I'm strong, quick and have pretty good control over my body. However riding horses is a whole different ball of wax for me. It took me forever to learn to post as a kid. It took me forever to learn my canter leads and sit in the middle. It took me forever to feel through my body the horses movements and being able to read them before they did something. I can say with confidence now that I feel that I am a great intuitive rider. No, I don't have the long legs or lean torso. I'm on the short side and my muscles mar a pretty image, especially in my arms. But I can stay on. We always joke at the barn that I'm an effectivce rider, but not a pretty one. Some of this is my horse I know. He is not an easy ride and getting others to even hop on him is like pulling teeth, especially if he doesn't like them. I'm constantly working on my riding and trying to get better. This is the biggest reason that I show. It makes me get better and work harder.

5) I came from a very normal family. Beaver Cleaver like family. My parents have never been divorced or seperated. They have a girl and a boy. They have lived in the same house that they built over 30 yrs ago when they got married. They both work good jobs and are the complete epitomy of middle class. What I want to know is why I ended up with so many problems?? I generally use my parents and family as a baseline. I wonder why I couldn't have fallen in love and gotten married earlier, and built a house and done all that "normal" stuff.

6) I secretly want to write a book someday. I feel like I have so much to say and who cares if anyone wants to listen to it. I like writing, it's cathartic and relaxing for me. My book just might be my breakthrough that I need hehehe.

7) I never had any dogs while growing up. My mom did not like dogs and we were allowed one cat at a time. Always a female bitchy cat who didn't like anyone but my mom. I yearned for a dog. The best I could come up with was a hamster, a guinea pig and even a rat. My neighbors dog would come over once in a while through the woods and I didn't want him to leave. I would feed him and make sure he was by my side and then eventually when I wasn't looking he would go back home. Phin, the dog I have now is the first dog I have ever had in my life. Now I have 3 dogs, a cat and a horse. My cat is also very much like a dog and he is a male. I will never get a female cat, ever.

8) I don't know what I want to do when I grow up. Seriously, this is not a joke. It's one of the biggest reasons that I havn't gone for my masters yet. I envy the people who know exactly what they want to do when they grow up. My roomate as a child knew that she wanted to be a cop, that's awesome. I feel like I'm testing the waters. I swing back and forth from the professional world and the world of animals. If I was rich I would run a shelter or rescue type ranch and take care of animals and adopt them out or let them live out the rest of their years with me. I love taking care of animals and being around them. But, unfortunately I am not wealthy and do not see that happening so much in the future, so I need something that can support me but also that I love doing. I like my job very much right now, but I don't know if it's something that I want to do forever.

9) I am a very practical person. My ex bought me a diamond necklace once and I had to put on a fake smile and thank him. He still didn't get the hint and that next Christmas he got me another one. For my birthday the next year he bought me a used Pessoa saddle and I cried. I think he knew from there what means the most to me. I'm not into big and fancy things. I like things I can use. I always said that if and when I get engaged, just buy me a horse trailer or a truck instead of a ring hahaha. And I'm still single why??? jk

10) Lastly, I am always trying to capture the years of my youth. I had so much fun as a kid. Summers were filled with sleepovers with my cousins and parties at the lake. Swimming and tubing and catching fire fly's. In the winter we would snowmobile and ski. My cousins came every February vacation to Maine and we would have a blast. We would hide sour cream and onion Pringles and root beer in my room and eat them every night. We would all fall asleep on my bed, 5 kids on a twin size bed is a feat in and of itself. Sports was a big part of my life as well. I had little to worry about and I miss that. Today I feel like I don't have as much fun. Worry about money and adult things like when my next oil change is, or juggling bills, or doing house work and laundry. I'm getting better on this, especially after the whole Nick thing, but it's still hard to really enjoy myself most of the time. I miss having one special person, even if it wasn't that special. It was mine and was real for me in the short time that it lasted. I need patience and faith that I too will get mine.

Well that's about it. Wow, lots of soul bearing and heavy topics. Hope I didn't scare you guys away. As for sending it to 10 other people, most of you have already done this, so I'll let it be an open invitation to whoever wants to take it. That's about it for today. It's hotter than anything here in Maine today and I have no idea what I'm doing after work. I want to go swimming, but I also want to spend time with the dogs. Oh yea, and I need to ride my horse sometime!

What Busy Looks Like......

2009-07-27T06:10:00.000-07:00

Ok so I've been staying busy lately, but I havn't told you what busy really means. It means being silly, doing stupid things and getting a laugh at all costs. Saturday night my roomie and I went to a friends house to go water skiing and play in the lake, but after dinner it got to be late and then we were introduced to Photo Booth on her computer. It was all over from there. We had serious pics and crazy pics and just ones that made us laugh. I got a really good ab work out from laughing so much. Enjoy the pics below. I'm the one with the blonde hair in the greenish bathing suit.

I have to say that I'm still missing Nick. Today will bring it to a week and I havn't had any contact with him in a few days. I'm sure that he's moved on and is not looking back at all. I need to do this, but maybe being a girl or a super emotional or sentimental person hinders the process some. I'm working on it, a day at a time. I rode Possum Friday and Saturday. He still feels a little funky behind. He has some little lumps above his coronary band on his left hind. Possum is the kinf od horse who always has lumps and bumps, especially on his legs. When I first got him he had splints on both front legs. I'm wondering if he did that laying down in the paddock, or from rolling which he does frequently. He's not off to the point of noticing anything visual, except for the occasional losss of the hind end lead to the left. So we kept it pretty easy with lot of open area flat and then just trotting some easy lines keeping things steady and slow. He was more than willing to move forward as usual and I could feel he was wanting a galloping session, but I wasn't about to with his leg being funky.

Yesterday I didn't ride, but I did go to my parents and search through the entire house for my cleats which I couldn't find. I found some old soccer ones which suck, but I guess they're better then nothing. I did find my batting gloves which was cool and I also had the worst allergy attack. The closet in my room at my parents is soo dusty or something because I couldn't stop sneezing and coughing, it was horrible. I then went to the garage and thoroughly vacuumed out my car and cleaned it up which it needed desperately. I put in a new car freshener to help it not smell so much like dog and then drove to my friends house and watched a movie and had ice cream sundaes.

The movie we watched was Pay It Forward, a movie with Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt. I hadn't seen it in years but it was a great one to see again. In the whole scheme of things, I really don't have the problems that a lot of people do. I basically just don't have a bf. I'm not homeless, or have a substance abuse problem. I have a job and a car and some great friends. My family is all healthy and I get to see them whenever I want. I'm healthy myself and active and have my animals family. SOmetimes it takes putting yourself in someone else's shoes to realize that your own life isn't so bad. After the movie I went home and cleaned up and did laundry getting ready for the work week. I'm excited for softball practice tonight. Get outside and throw around and batting practice. I'm hanging in there guys. Staying busy at work and reading a book that I read in college, but really can't remember. Not Fade Way by Laurence Shames and Peter Barton. I man in his 50's dying from cancer and talking about his life and death. Really good read.

Busy Little Bee

2009-07-23T07:14:00.001-07:00

Just as the title implies I have been busy. No moping around the house for me, although I have to admit the thought has crossed my mind. Last night I went to the barn after work and rode Possum. He was OK for the most part, but seemed a tad bit funky behind. Nothing I could pin point, so I kept it an easy work out and worked a lot on straight lines and not tight circles. Just something that I noticed that was a littlel different. No one could see anything and there were no obvious signs or anything. The paddocks had gotten a little muddy again from the rain so he might just be stiff standing in it, plus they also have another round bale so he's not moving around a whole lot. My horse will eat, shit and sleep in and around a round bale. I swear it's his first love. The barn was busy with activity for a Wednesday night with lots of people riding and visiting. We recently had a foal born about 2 weeks ago so we let mom and baby out in the arena to stretch their legs. He is just the cutest little colt and we have high hopes for him. We've been having trouble finding a name for him, show name and barn name. I came up with Careless Whisper last night. It's a song that George Michael did originally, but Seether just recently covered it and I love their rock version. I think it sounds like a good hunter show name and one of the girls at the barn is adament on calling him Cooper, so she can still call him that for his barn name. Any suggestions?? He's a bay with a star and a snip. He's perch x TB.

So after riding I hung out for a bit and then my friend called and asked if I wanted to come over and play games with some of her friends, and my roomie was there also. I said sure. I dropped the dogs off at home, changed and went to my friends. They were all playing badminton so I joined in and we had a good time. After that we got on the big trampoline and had a work out jumping and being crazy. We then went inside and had ice cream sundaes. It was getting late so I went home and made my bed which I had washed eariler. With three dogs and a cat it gets hairy quickly so I need to keep up with it. Got settled in bed and watched an espisode of INtervention which I had DVR'd. I love that show, must be because of the profession I'm in.

Today I have teen groups this afternoon and then softball practice at 6p. I hope the weather holds out since it looks a little cloudy. I miss Nick like crazy but unfortunately it's what has to happen. I talked to a friend of ours last night and he pretty much thinks it's over as well. He says that I can do better. It's hard to see that right now while I'm going through this, but I'm hoping he's right.. Keep the good thoughts coming guys, it's really helping. I'm on my own right now and just trying to get comfortable in my own space again. Keeping busy is good. The fact that I'm losing weight is fantastic. Life is good for me right now, I need to focus on that. Have a great day.

The Skinny of it

2009-07-21T17:07:00.001-07:00

So it's the end of the day and I'm still feeling crappy, but I know that in time this too will pass. Last night started out great. We had an awesome time playing tennis and we both got a really good work out. I also want to add that I kicked his ass hahaha. Then we went to his sisters house and played a little volleyball. We went back to his house and chilled and had some drinks. It was at this time that I wanted to talk and I was going to do it before it was bed time and he was falling asleep. I also had liquid courage on my side. I knew right away from his body language this this was going to be tough. To sum it up he said that he's just not feeling it. He said that he was sorry because he also added to the seriousness of the situation and was pursuing me. I asked if it was really because he was so busy right now and and asked if this was the middle of January if this would be different and he shook his head no. He said that he really cares for me and does not know what the future will bring, but that it's just not happening right now. I was also honest and up front with him and told him exactly how I felt. I wanted him to know that before I was gone for good. He actually started crying when I started to cry. I have to think that he cares atleast a little. I told him that I need to space myself from him. No calling or texting and certainly not hanging out, It would be too hard for me. He added that the first time we hung out he warned me to not fall for him (a conceted statement if I ever heard one) I informed him that it was not like I planned this, it just happened. I talked about how well we got along and how much fun we have, he did not argue with this. He said that it really doesn't make sense, but if he has even one doubt he's gonna go with it, and he has a doubt. It sucked and my heart felt like it was bleeding in my chest but atleast I knew where he was and wasn't hanging in limbo like the last 3 weeks. It was at this time that all of the good times we had came flooding into my mind and I just wanted the floor to swallow me whole and disapear forever. We hugged, we cried and I felt like shit. I know there are a lot of reasons that could make me not like Nick, but I just really like him for him. Not for what he does or how he looks (although this doesn't hurt) not for even how he really treats me, although things were better about a month ago. I like Nick because he is real. He's funny and can always make me laugh, I'm just a big pushover when it comes to him, he could tell me to jump off a bridge and I just might do it, as long as he was waiting at the bottom to catch me.

I sat there on the couch and thought of all the laughs I would miss, all the looks and hugs. I thought about how he never shaves his face regularly and it scratches against mine, I didn't care. I thought we were a good team, but you can't make someone feel something that they don't. Yes, I'm quoting the Bonnie Raitt song, it has never seemed so appropriate. Yes, I'm corny enough to listen to it as I'm typing. I don't know what it was, but just something about this silly little boy really struck a chord in me. I want it all and I can't have it. I have a good job, am financially independent, ride horses and love animals. I love to play sports and have my own life. What I really want is to just share it with someone. I told him last night that I want to be with my best friend, that's my wish. I think I'll keep on wishing. I know that we've only been hanging out for about 3 months, but it was one of the happiest times I have had. I just light up around him, it's infectious.

I asked him if I should close the book on all of this. He kinda heisitated and then said it might be best for me if I did, even though no one can predict the future. I let him know that when I close the door on something it usually stays that way. I said I was sorry that this had to happen and he said sorry too. I felt like a balloon tied to a mail box a week after a birthday party, just kind of dragging and moving in the breeze. I wanted to leave but I had a few drinks and driving would be a very bad idea. I was forced to sleep it off for about 2 hrs and then drove home. No radio, no noise, just me and my thoughts. As soon as I got home I went and sat on my roomates bed and cried and talked to her until 5am. I was thoroughly exhausted and needed to lay down. I have to say that she was great with me. She hugged me and supported me and said that I have so much to give to someone, this was just a stepping stone. It really helped. I slept for about 10 minutes and then woke up in a panic, and then another 10 min and the same thing. I tried to stay busy today. I had planned to attend softball practice at 6 and still decided to go. As fate would have it I had to walk across the soccer field to get to the baseball field and Nick just happened to be playing soccer with friends. I wanted to run and just keep running, running out of this town, out of this state and to somewhere else. I held my head high and kept my eyes trained ahead of me and made the long walk across, felt like I was on the Green Mile. Practice was good. I always feel better playing softball, it's my most favorite sport, other then riding ofcourse. It was good to be out in the air and hearing the slap of the leather glove as it caught the ball in just the right spot. The ping of the alluminum bat, I felt like I was back in school. As we packed up I felt a little more confident for the walk back to the car, but still felt odd. Like I was one of those snobby girls in school who don't talk to anyone who's a geek and turn their nose up to them. But I had to, I was about to crumble. One hi or even eye contact would have brought me right back to last night and I had to pick myself up and move on.

Blogging really helps to get the thoughts out of my head and leave them here on the page instead of carrying them around with me. You guys have always been so patient with me over the last year and a half. It must be frustrating to see me stumble and even fall like a child when you know it's coming and just sit back and let it happen. But I'm tough, I can take it. I'm gonna let myself be sad and get over this and then move on to whatever fate will bring me. I'm not going to stop until I'm happy. I'm not settling on anything, I did that too long in my last relationship and I want only the best there is for me. So I'm letting this go, I need to to keep my sanity. I love Nick dearly and hope only the best for him. Being happy is the one thing that we can go and get and what we deserve. I might falter along the way but I have to keep to my guns and do this for myself.

My dogs have been great. They always know when I'm upset. Phin wouldn't leave me alone and every time I cried he was right there to dry my tears. I don't know what I would do without my animals, their everything to me. Whenever I need a bed buddy they're there and they also give great hugs. I'm gonna try and go to bed now, hopefully I can sleep more then 10 min intervals. Tomorrow is a new day with new prospects and adventures. Trying to look at the positive of things. Nite all.

It's Over

2009-07-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

I don'thave alot of time or energy to write a big long post, but wanted to say that Nick and I are over, or whatever we had. We talked in person last night,I basically cornered him and made him talk. He just isn't feeling it and I need to cut my losses. He had no real explanation other than he has doubts of us being together and he is acting on that. I'm really sad and tired today. Been crying a lot and just trying to be with friends. I have told Nick and that we cannont talk or text at all. I need time to heal and being just friends at the moment is not an option for me at this time. PLease send positive thoughts for me. I'm kinda a wreck and just trying to get through this. Thank God for my dogs and horse I'm really going to need them right now

The start of the work week

2009-07-20T05:54:00.001-07:00

I can actually say that I'm glad that the weekend is over. I know I'm crazy, especially with all of this beautiful weather we've been having, but it's just something to take my mind off of things. Yesterday I was quite busy. My friend and my three dogs all loaded in the car and we went to visit my old trainer. The place where I learned to ride. She lives about half an hour from me and I alwasy try and visit every few months. She ran right out of the barn and gave me a big hug. her husband asked if my ears were burning becaues they were just talking about me, weird. My dogs played with her boxer and airedale and had a good time sniffing butts and running around. We stood around and told stories about the good times and then talked about how hard it is now. She even asked me about the bf situation and that was a tough one to talk about. Luckily my friend was with me and she is single also so we had girl power going for us. My old trainer showed us around and all the new horses she has gotten. I was sad to hear that she had to put down her old arab mare. She was nearly 30, her name was Davah and she had one eye due to an accident she had when she was about 8. This was the first horse I had ever ridden (she was techincally 14.3 with shoes on) She taught me to post and steer and not to bump her with my legs. Because she was an arab she was hotter than hot but that old mare and I had so much fun. When I finally was able to ride on my own and know all of the gaits this mare and I would fly around the trails, usually at a full gallop. She could go for miles and never wanted to slow down. Everyone used to remark that her black mane would be flowing in my face, and my long blonde hair would be almost mixed with her tail since she held it so high. She was a spit fire of a mare and didn't put up with anything. She wasn't marish at all even though she had 3 foals in her life. She was always up for an adventure. She would spook a lot, especially with having only one eye but it made me have a better seat and it just became natural to have her skip across the trail at a funny looking rock or a bird flying away. I was a little sad when she told me she had her put down, but I also knew that it was time. She wasn't holding weight very well and she had started to trip some.

After visiting for a little while we then drove to my parents house to pick up my tennis racket. I've been wanting to play tennis again. On our way back home we stopped at my parents little camp on the lake and put the dogs in and then went kayaking for a little over an hr. It was nice to be out on the lake again. We saw a bunch of loons and it was cool. They would dive under the water and then pop up right near us. Those suckers can really swim fast under water. Here is a pic of what they look like if your not familiar. And yes, they really do have red eyes.

After we left the lake I dropped my friend off and went home and relaxed. I was still not ready to end the day so at around 8p I went to the barn and had a quick ride on Possum before it got dark. He was really good. I was only able to ride for about 45 min before it was totally dark, but it was nice bonding with him and talking to him about all that is going on. He really is like my best friend. I gave him a couple handfulls of grain after as a treat and he was thrilled.

I think Nick and I might play tennis tonight. As usual all communication is started by me. He really wants to play tennis though and I love playing so hopefully it works out. It';s a gorgeous day and I'm excited to be out in it. I have a killer tan going on too which is always nice. I am also officially at 140 lbs as of this morning. I would love to lose 10 more lbs and I'll be happy. My lowest last summer with the break up and all I was 124 and everyone said that I looked sickly. I'm pretty muscular and do not have a small frame so I will never be one of those rail thin girls. I just want to look good and feel good. With all the activities I'm doing lately I feel my muscles aching and getting bigger and leaner. That's definately a good thing. I think that's about all for today. I'm probably giving Possum the day off today since I've ridden him 5 days in a row. I took the time last night to really give him a thorough inspection. His coat is shiny slick and healthy. His muscles are lean and pronounced. You can't see his ribs but feel them if you push on his sides. He's got a nice strong back and a top line that is as developed as his conformation will allow. His eyes were bright and legs and feet looked good. I just can't get over that he is 14 now. I will have had him for 6 years the beginning of September. It's crazy to think of how far we have come. We have such a strong relationship and basically knows what the other is thinking. He's not always the easiest horse to ride but I trust him and he trusts me. The years are flying by, it's scary. Oh well, back to work. Have a great day everyone.

Keeping Busy

2009-07-18T17:39:00.000-07:00

Been trying hard to stay busy lately. I've been riding Possum a lot on the trails and hanging at the beach with friends. It's nice to have friends in high places, or atleast at the lake hehehe. Yes Emily, I did reference you! Have been feeling pretty down which is normal after a situation like this. My horse has been doing awesome. I have decided to take a break from the ring for a few days since it's been so hot and just go and relax down the trail. I rode to the pond yesterday by myself and it was nice to relax and just chill with my horse. We went in the water up to his belly. He woulda gone in further but my tack would have been very angry at me. On the way back I was rounding a corner and there was a deer, a doe standing in front of us, about 30 feet away. She just looked at us and Possum didn't even care. He started to prance wanting to go further. I was fumbling with my camera phone to take a pic and just as I was about to snap it she ran away. It was nice and put a smile on my face. Ofcourse I was dumb and texted Nick that I saw the deer and all he could say was "cool" about an hr later. Ughh so frustrating. When we got back to the farm I gave Possum a cool hosing and put him back out. As soon as his butt was through the gate he stopped and rolled right in the manure and mud slop. He was covered in dirt and muck. I had to laugh as he got to his feet, let out a big snort and then proceeded to eat from the round bale. Another smile for the day.

After the barn I went home to drop the dogs off and grab my bathing suit. I then raced over to my friends house on the lake. We laid out on the dock for a few chatting and then her dad offered to take us water skiing, Sweet! First we had to get gas, ofcourse it's was at the marina that Nick works at, I was praying that he wasn't there, thinking that I might be stalking him or something. He wasn't, his dad came out and filled up the boat. I think he remembered me because he looked at me like he did, but it was hard to tell. I was wondering if Nick told him that we weren't hanging out anymore. OK, so I was over thinking again, but hey, it's what I do. After getting gas we started to have some real fun. My friend went first. She is quite the pro, she goes on 1 ski!!! After her turn I put on two skis I was about to jump in the water when Nick comes cruising by on a pontoon boat. He waves and I give a half hearted one. He is clearly out of sight before I start skiing, thank goodness. I was so proud of myself, I got right up on the first try!!! I was so excited. I started doing turns and lasted quite a while. I did that for a few before it was discussed that I try 1 ski. I quickly knew that this was going to be a problem. I just couldn't get my balance and figure out how it was supposed to feel. I nearly got up a few times with one foot on the ski and one flailing like an idiot beside me before I finally crashed hard. I had quite a few crashes and it wasn't pretty. I know this because people were honking their horns everytime I crashed, it must have been funny to them, but it just frustrated me and wanted to make me get it. Finally I was getting tired and had to give it a rest. My friends dad went next and he was super good. He was flying all over the place, going one handed and all. It made me feel like an idiot and wanting to try it again. I was pretty banged up and had pulled a muscle in my arm pretty good from one of my wipeouts so we decided to go back. We had an awesome dinner and then I went home shortly after looking at pics from the last show. Ofcourse my friend rides horses too.

When I got home I felt like cleaning so I cleaned my room top to bottom and then watched TV until going to bed at 11. Still no word from Nick. I got up at 9 and hung out with the dogs and then went to lunch with my roomie. I wanted to look good so I got some nice jeans and heels and a tank top. If I didn't feel great, I might want to try and look good. I'm also doing really well in eating less and moving more. Losing weight and looking great hahaha. Went to the barn in the afternoon and went for a trail back to the pond with another boarder. We had fun and the horses were relaxed. I gave Possum some treats and threw him back out to his hay. Went home and let the dogs out and played with them and then went to another friends house to walk the track near her house. We walked nearly 2 miles and it was nice to burn a few extra calories. SO it's Saturday night and I'm home blogging and watching TV, wow I'm so cool. Tomorrow is supposed to be gorgeous and I have no real big plans. Probably hit up the barn again and we'll see what the day brings. I have not texted Nick all day and he has not contacted me. I don't know if I miss him, or maybe the idea of him. It's pretty confusing, but I know I'm feeling crappy right now. I know this will pass so I'm doing my best to be busy and try and have some fun. I know that I must let this go. I'm too accessible and care too much. He needs to do his own thing right now and I'm not even giving him the chance to miss me, or maybe not miss me. Just living day to day is the plan, I just need to stick to that. Have a good night everyone, I'm desperately trying to find something on TV to watch that doesn't involve relationships, not having any luck so far. Think I'm gonna grab a beer and sit on the porch. Nite

Blah

2009-07-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

The title of this post is kinda how I feel, very Blah. I went to the barn last night with the dogs and rode Possum. The barn was packed and very busy so I had to tie him to the trailer outside since all of the cross ties were taken. He has been eating on a round bale since Monday so he was fat and happy. He came right to the gate and followed me to the trailer. He was all lovey and stuff, it was kinda weird. Suprisingly he was still pretty clean and smooth from his scrubbing Saturday before the show, so it was an easy grooming. I took my time getting him ready and just talked to him and ran my hands along his sleek neck and back. He just kinda watched me. As soon as I got on I knew it was going to be a rough ride. I could feel the energy coursing through him. Even on the fkat he was revved to go. I just tried to stay strong with my body and keep my legs tight on him. It was a trying ride, but consideringg that he was super hyper I was able to keep him manageable. We worked a lot on the flat just being slow and relaxed. Then we trotted lots of 2'3" fences and then eventually started cantering them. We worked a lot on transitions and getting him off my hands and listening to the half halts through my body. We were both puffing when we were done. After the ride I undressed him and put him back to his round bale. I then watched all of the activity gooing on in the ring and chatted with friends. It was a beautiful evening. Perfect temp, totally dry and the sun shining. It just felt like something was missing though. Maybe my own sense of self, who knows.

I loaded up the dogs and we went home. I cooked some kielbasa for dinner. My roomie is working basically all of the rest of the week and weekend so it's gonna be quiet at the house. Just as I was settling in for the night a friend called and I went over to her house to have a drink and chat. We might be going to a softball game tonight to watch some hot guys play hahaha. I just can't get the Nick thing out of my head. One minute I'm mad for how he is treating me, and the next I just am too nice and really want to see him. My friend stopped by last night after Nick dropped him off and we chatted a bit about the whole situation. He clearly thinks that I am dumb for even caring about Nick and it bothers him how he treats me right now, he says that I'll be better of without him. I may be, but this needs to run it's course too, and it looks like it's getting to the end. My goal for today is to have no contact with him. I need a break from all of this friend, not friend stuff. I'm so sorry you guys have to liten to my rants, but this is the best way that I can process all of this shit. I need to take myself totally out of the picture. I'm giving him everything that he wants but without the commitment or time of being in a real relationship. Sometimes I just want to kick myself in the ass for putting others before myself, always! OK, enough about that.

My phone died the other morning so I had to get a shitty loaner phone. This morning the mail man delivered my new phone, so after work I need to go get it programmed. Plus I need to go to the pharmacy and also to the bank. I might try and it up the barn as well depending on when and if the softball game is going on. I'm just trying to stay as busy as possible and meet as many people as possible, like a nice little support system. Have a great day, I have to travel up north right now for a teen leadership group so I'll have a nice hr ride to mull over all of this crap again hahaha.

Quick Post

2009-07-15T06:13:00.000-07:00

Above is a snap shot of after we were all done showing. Possum and I are on the far right and my roomie is next to me. As you can see I am already in my shorts and tank top and Possum was basically sleeping wondering why I dragged him away from his hay net. This is a smaller group of riders compared to what we usually have at shows. It's not uncommone for the barn owner to have over 10 students and horses at a show which leaves her running around like crazy.

Last night was a slow night for me. I was soooo tired from staying up so late at Nick's that I went home and laid in the bed with the dogs and fell asleep for about an hr. I then managed to get up and eat some soup for dinner and watched a little TV with my roomie. Then I went to bed cause my eyes just wouldn't stay open. Nick is still texting me on a regular basis and he even just called me. I'm completely taking everything at face value and not going to read into anything. This is hard for me since I love to analize and ponder over everything, and I mean everything, If you don't believe me, ask any of my friends, I'm pretty sure their sick of hearing about the Nick saga.

My plans for tonight are that I have no solid plans. If nothing comes up I plan on going to the barn and riding lightly and taking the dogs so they can run around and play some. I'm keeping my options open hahaha. Have a great day everyone.

Horse Show, Water Sports and Fun with Friends

2009-07-14T07:35:00.000-07:00

Wow, I just realized that I havn't blogged in a while. SO much has happened, lots of good things and lots of other stuff too. Let me start off by saying that last week I busted my ass to ride every day of the week in preparation of the show that was this past Sunday. We had lots of serious rides and Possum was pretty good or the most part. I kept myself busy during the woek week riding and then running with the dogs some. Again, I'm trying to lose a littl weight so I'm trying to eat less and move more. SO far so good.

Saturday I spent the entire day at the barn. I got there at about 9:30am and didn't leave until about 8:30pm. I rode Possum before it got really hot, although I was roasting after the ride. The weather was bright and sunny so that was a plus. After riding we went on a mini trail ride with some folks and then I came back to the barn and gave him a thorough washing with lots of soap and water. I then put a sheet on him and let him loose to graze while I got my tack and things ready. The barn owner then braided him since I absolutely suck at it and we managed to dqueakin 26 braids which is huge for him. Most of the other horses at the farm we can get over 30, but Possum and his hair issues it's tough. Possum was tired after riding all week and was kinda sluggish int eh ring so I was hoping that it carried over to the show. Possum was the best he has ever been braiding, the worst thing he did was keep yawning, it was really funny, he couldn't stop. I then packed the hay nets and got the truch and trailer ready and cleaned my tack. By this time I was completely out of steam and basically just watched everyone else get ready. I visited with people and then wrangled up the dogs who were equally exhausted and went home.

Once home I washed and polished my boots and packed my show clothes and thena change of clothes for when I was done. The forecast was calling for possible rain in the morning so I was praying that it wouldn't. I went to bed right around 10pm and fell right asleep. When my alarm went off at 3:30am I was confused for a minute why it was going off in the middle of the nightm until I came to and realized that it was show day. I must have been really tired to forget about that. I had taken a shower the night before so I stumbled into the bathroom and washed my face and brushed my teeth and got dressed and ready for the day. My roomie also came out of her room in a daze to get ready. By 4:10am we were bright as bunnies and heading down the road to the barn. ONce we got to the barn we fed the horses their breakfast, loaded the rest of the trailer with our supplies and tack and loaded all the horses and away we went. The horses are so used to shows now that they basically just load themselves.

When we got to the show I was actually not rushing around and had plenty of time to get my number and stuff and get Possum settled in and then changed into my show clothes and got him dressed for warm-up. He did really well in the warm-up and only once during the jumping did I need to sharply remind him not to rush after the jump. We were ready to go. I brougthh im back to the trailer for a last minute drink of water and promptly at 8am we entered the ring for our first jumping class.

We did well. There were spots of rushing and figuring out the striding, but for the most part it was solid. He was clean over all the jumps, we used our corners well and on lines when we got a big spot coming in, I had to leave a stride out on the other end to try and make it flow and avoid those nasty chip-ins. We progressively got better as the morning went on, but so did everyone else. We were consistently placing third in classes of about 6 or so. All of the riders were pretty good for the most part and their horses were way nicer than Possum. There probably wasn't much that seperated 1st through 4th in the placings. Possum and I always do really well in the flat, but I don't know if the judge didn't like us that much or what because we got some seconds and thirds in the flat too. I was a little disappointed in the eq flat that we got beat by a girl that had her hands in her lap and loose legs. Her horse wasn't even braided! I was right behind her so I could see all that she was doing, or actually not doing. I felt like my legs were tight and strong, my hands were up, my back was arched as much as it could go and my head and upper body were stretching upwards. We got second and I was bummed only because I saw the girl who beat us. Oh well, that's how it goes at horse shows.

All in all it was a good day. I was able to get all my points and qualify for the Downeast Medal Finals that will be in September for the Adult Medal division. This is our first year at the medals in the 2'9" classes so I still need to train hard and be ready for September. Possum's biggest thing is rushing the lines, that has to stop! Even though Possum had his moments of rushing and getting strong, after only a couple of strides I was able to get him back and collected. It's just so hard to regain that steady rhythm for me to focus on the flow of the course. Possum executed all of his flying changes when needed which I was thrilled about. Over the jump felt nice like he was using his back and getting his knees right up there. I'm still waiting for the photographer to upload all of the photos. I'm going to give the show a B for a grading in the placing department, but an A- on cooperation for Possum because he really was doing well. This is our last show before the finals so I really need to build on this last one and be ready and sharp for the finals. I'm not looking to win the thing this year, but a respectable placing would be nice.

So after the show we got back to the barn super early, like 3pm and we all decided to go to a riders house who lives on the lake and have a BBQ and go boating and tubing. I just have to say that I had the most fun that afternoon. We all had a blast tubing and riding on the boat. I was laughing and screaming so hard that I lost my voice. The weather was great, I was with great friends and it felt really good to let loose. Tubing was so awesome, I love adrenaline sports and getting whipped around at around 40 mph is right up my ally. Plus seeing everyone else go and the looks on their faces was just priceless. It was a great day and one that I really needed.

Nick had texted me earlier in the morning "good luck hunny" I was pretty upset by this but tried to brush it off and focus on the show. We have been texting some and he will call me once in a while. He texted me SUnday night when I was going to bed that he missed me and wished that I was around. He said that he really wants to hang out. I just don't know what that means, but then again I read into everything!

Last night after work my roomie and I went back to our friends house on the motorcycle to swim and go back out boating, we wanted to try our hand at water skiing. Nick did end up showing up since it's very close to his house and he drove us girls around while my roomie and I attempted to water ski. The other girl was already pretty much a pro and even skiid on one ski. Nick is also a pro and opted to not ski since it was kinda cool out on the lake and was starting to get dark. We had dinner that her parents made which was really yummy, we swam, went in the hot tub and water skied. It was hard for me at first. I almost got up a couple times and then on the 4th try I was up and going. I got bored at just going straight so I decided to try some turns and then ended up whiping out shortly after. I had a good time and definately want to do it again to see if I can get better. It was about 9pm when we got back to the dock. Nick left to go to a party across the lake this his parents were attending to say hi and chill and my roomie and I drove back home on the bike and froze out little tushies off. It was really cold! Especially with wet hair and shorts. Before Nick left he did grab my arm and give me a big hug, I still felt a little flat about the whole thing and tried to lift my spirits and not dwell on it. I'm really trying, but sometimes it really gets to me.

After I got home and let the dogs out and put on warmer clothes Nick called me and asked me to come over and hang out and watch Wipe Out which is a show we love watching together since we laugh our asses off. I thought about it for a minute and said to myself "what the hell". I went over there and am kinda glad that I did because we laughed a lot and had a good time. We didn't end up going to bed until after 2am and I wasn't about to drive home so I crashed a his place. I got up bright and early this morning and cursed at myself for staying up so late and drove home to get ready for work. Nick yelled for me to have a good day as I was walking down the stairs. I'm actually doing Ok for not having much sleep. He texted me this morning but I was in a meeting just to say good morning.

Let me end this by saying that I am not getting my hopes up at all! I am not and will not allow myself to get sucked into a black hole. Yes I think we both have feelings for each other, but things are obviously just not right right now. They may be later on, or maybe not. I'm not holding my breath on anything, but I am also aware of how I feel and will try and protect myself to the best of my ability. I'm just going to keep on living day to day and have the best summer that I can.

Possum just got new shoes on yesterday so I'm thinking about going to the barn and riding, but it depends on how tired I am. I'll probably go regardless tolet the dogs run around and atleast groom my pony, but we'll see. It's supposed to be rainy with thundershowers this afternoon and I really hate riding in the indoor int he summer. I'm gonna play it by ear. SO as usualy leave me a comment or tell me what you think. I have a feeling that the majority of you will not be happy that I just up and went to his house last night, but it happened and i don't think he got the wrong message about it, nor did he think that he could just make me do whetever he wants. He did offer to come to my house buy my roomate was sleeping and the dogs would have gone crazy. Well, have a good day. Ofcourse it's sunny while I'm working right now, but I don't think it will last. I'll check back in tomorrow.

Silver Lining, maybe.... hoping....

2009-07-08T07:36:00.000-07:00

As you all know I've been having a hard time wrapping my brain around the whole Nick thing. But from the pic above, how could you not laugh at that. Abby and Phin decided to completely destroy a stuffed animal last night. They would play tug of war and Phinney would whip it around and Abby would attack it by diving her nose into the side wound of the animal and pluck out all of the stuffing. It felt good to laugh and just let loose. I was laughing so much my stomach hurt. I didn't even mind picking up all the stuffing after.

After work last night I raced home and changed and packed the dogs int eh car and went to the barn. It was pouring rain at this time and Possum did not feel the need to come out of his run in shelter so I had to literally wade in knee deep mud by the gate to go and retrieve him. I gave him a quick grooming and threw on my saddle and bridle and high tailed it to the arena dodging the rain. His warm-up was excellent. he flatted nicely and was bending and responsive and light in my hands. I then trotted some jumps, nothing above 2'6" and he did really well and if I asked him to stay in a trot after the jump he did and when I asked him to canter away he did. After some good warming up at the canter and trot we got down to business. I wanted to work on tight turns since we were in the indoor and there weren't many jumps set up. Two single jumps in the middle set at a diagonal. Possum did really well with the tight roll backs and waited for my signal if we needed toa flying change. Only a couple of times did we mess up and part of it was my fault.

Possum was really great for the most part but my body is just not doing what I want it to lately. I'm finding especially in the tight turns that all of my weight is in my outside stirrup (a common mistake I know) I am having to really struggle to keep the weight even in both stirrups. I decided to take my stirrups away and seee how I could cope with that. I felt myself starting to tip to the outside, but my legs are strong enough without stirrups that it kept me centered and I was able to sit up better too. I took my stirrups back and really worked on sitting up and keeping the weight even. It's so hard sometimes doing this all by yourself. I don't take lessons so it makes the process even slower for me. I know most of the time what I need to do, but seeing is half the problem, I need another pair of educated eyes on the ground to help me out. Oh well, such is life. I was very happy with Possum so we ended after only iding for about 40 min because I wanted to end on a good note and leave him feeling positive and happy with his work. The dogs followed me back to the barn, cantering because the rain was really coming down and I gave Possum his dinner and put on a rain sheet and threw him back out to eat his hay.

When I got home I just chilled. I'm back to trying to eat healthier so I made a healthy dinner and watched some Deadliest Catch (one of my favorite shows) and played with the dogs. I have to admit that I did text Nick last night, but it was to tell him my side of things. I actually asked him to call me or come over so we could talk in person. He called about an hour later but we had people over and I couldn't really talk to I resigned to texting. I said my piece abotu his trying to hard. About him playing the part and maybe feeling burned out a little. I told him that hanging out every day was like eating candy all the time. We like candy a lot, but to much of it it loses it's novelty and can even make us sick. I have to say that I felt better about saying my piece. I was in a clear mind and did not have emotions getting in my way. Nick actually agreed with what I had to say. I told him that we kind of strayed away from the fun and good times and played the label game. I told him that that is my only bad attribute hahaha. I love making labels. He seemed to respond in a positive way. I let it end on that and didn't say much else. I did tell him about the good ride on Possum because I knew he would be happy, and he was. SO today I was just going to let things settle in. It's rainign again but I have enough to keep me busy and I'm riding tonight. Just as I was writing this I get a text from Nick asking how my day was going. I gave him a quick honest answer and asked him how he was doing. We're both working inside today.

I think it's just time for me to play it cool. I need to work on my riding and getting ready for the show. My dogs always need me and I need them so their always a good companion. I'm going to focus on keeping busy. My brother flew in from Los Angeles last night so I'm spending Friday with my family after I ride and then the weekend is the show and prep on Saturday. Nick has some thinking to do, and I need to think less hahah, it's so funny how different people are sometimes. My mind is clear today, I have a plan and my friends all support me. I think I'm good right now and I'm not going to force anything with Nick. If things happen, it's because their supposed to and not because we made it happen.

Haying, Beer, and Just Friends

2009-07-07T05:49:00.000-07:00

So I got a call from Nick yesterday afternoon saying that he would call me later in the afternoon to talk about our status since I was working and he was with a friend (big surprise). My stomach was in knots all day long. I hate these dumb talks and I just knew that it wasn't going to be pretty. I raced out of work and flew home and changed and picked up the dogs and went to the barn. Possum still didn't have his shoe on so I just hung out and talked to my friends and explained the situation that Nick and I were in. All the while I was keeping my eye on the phone dreading the talk. My farrier came and put Posusm's shoe on and I attempted to ride. My body was all over the place. I could feel that I lost some muscle and it just pissed me off. Possum was pretty good for the most part until we ran into a snag. Our outdoor arena is not completely flat so there is a slight downhill side and uphill side. Possum always rushes the lines going downhill. Gravity is not our friend, especiall for an appy that is built downhill as it is. There was one diagonal line in particular that he was really having trouble with.

I tried lots of exercises. Halting in the line, breaking to a trot and trotting the second fence and then trying to get the nice 5 quiet strides. At one point it was just horrible and we totally crashed through the first fence in the line. I was so frustrated and had so many pent up emotions that I just lost it for a minute. I just stood there on Possum with my head down and sobbed. I cried for the lousy jump, I cried for the end of a good relationship with Nick, I cried because I just want to be happy and it always just seems out of reach. I pieced myself back together, wiped my face with the back of my hand and urged Possum into a canter because we were going to end the ride on a good note. After I finally got a decent 5 strides in the line I let him end on that. My nerves were frayed and I was physically exhausted. I got off and grabbed my phone that was sitting in the middle of the arena and walked slowly to the barn. Hardly anyone was there so it was nice to just chill. I stripped Posusm of his tack and let him loose to graze while I sat on the swing and just soaked up my dogs love and attention. I left about 30 min later.

As I was driving home Nick's familiar ring tone filled the car. I took a deep breath and answered it trying to sound chipper which was a miserable attempt. The conversation lasted only about 10 minutes and he kept losing service which was tough. To sum it up, he wants to be friends. He says that he is too busy and has too much going on to have anything serious. He said that he thought that he was ready, but he really isn't right now. It was no suprise to me, I was figuring that this was going to go this way. His voice lacked that joking and flirty tone that it always had. Maybe he was afraid of me or what I was going to say. If he only knew that I just had nothing left that day. I listened to all he had to say with the usual "Ok" and "yup" in the mix. I was honest and told him that I was sad and it sucked but that life would go on. He said that he didn't want me waiting for him or anything. I said don't worry, I won't. I said that maybe it just wasn't meant to be, and he then said that if it was meant to be it will happen. He said that maybe when he is ready and wants someone and I'm single we would get together. I wasn't going to hold my breath. He went on to say how awesome I am, blah blah blah. I could tell that he was just ready to end the conversation. I wasn't sure how I felt. I knew that once we hung up we wouldn't talk again for a long time. I just didn't know if I was ready to let go. Then he hit me with the friends thing, "I still want to hang out with you, your so much fun" yadda yadda. I said that I wouldn't be able to hang out or chat for a while, just needed to do my own thing and keep him out of my head. It just really sucked because it felt like he had all the power. He was the teacher and I was the student getting reprimanded. Then the tears came. First one and then they started to roll down my dirt streaked cheeks. I knew I had to hang up, and soon before I made an even bigger ass of myself. I ended the conversation with a squeaky "have a good night." I closed my phone, lit a cigarette and just sat on the hood of my car and cried. I called the barn owner and let her know what we all thought was going to happen. She was haying with someone else at the farm and they were going to get square bales on the tractor. She told me to come back to the barn and bring some beer and chill and do hay. My first reaction was to not go, all I wanted to do was sit and feel sorry for myself. But then I pulled myself together, put on some comfy clothes and went to the store and got some beer and drove back to the barn.

I am so glad that I did. We loaded and unloaded about 100 square bales sipping beer and talking and joking. It felt good to laugh. My face felt like it had been cemented in a grimace until then. I was surrounded by friends and sweet smelling horses. The sun dipped down and was replaced with a full harvest moon. It was so bright that you didn't even need lights to see. At about 10p I drove home. My dogs were waiting as usual and gave me hugs and kisses. Their always happy to see me no matter how long I'm gone. I took a pair of Nick's socks that he left at the house and brought them down on the porch for him to get whenever he wanted. I then got ready for bed, brushed my teeth and settled into bed with 3 dogs and a cat. It was at that moment that I knew everything was going to be OK. I just have to get through this for something else good to happen. I need to stay open and happy and live my life. Yea it sucks that nothing will happen right now between us, but it's also not something you can force to happen. He's a great guy, he never treated me bad or was an ass for the most part. I love him to pieces and he just needs to get himself straight. Sure I'll miss him like crazy and having him around and hugs and kisses and the way his scruffly face felt against mine. There will be more time for that. Until then I'm focusing on my riding and having fun and not letting any opportunity pass me by.

A day has passed and it's now Tuesday. I'm sitting in my office and it's threatening to rain again. I have a busy afternoon and then going to ride after work. I'm going to choose to look forward to that. Sure I'm thinking about Nick a lot, it's just part of the grieving process, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I have some great friends and a horse and three dogs and a cat that adore me. What else does a girl need?

Not such a great holiday weekend

2009-07-06T05:39:00.000-07:00

Sorry guys, I just knew the bottom would fall out from under me sometime and it looks like I'm on shaky ground right now. I've been kinda down because Possum is still missing a hind shoe that hopefully will be put back on today. We have a pretty big show next weekend so it's been tough not getting him ready and working the past 5 days. Plus I've had some matters of the heart go sour and all I really wanted to do was take my pony down the trail and relax and tell him everything that has happened, which I couldn't do that because of his shoe. Let me start at the beginning.

Last Wednesday and Thursday Nick has seemed a little more distant, just little tiny things that my hyper sensitive self would notice. Not as many texts in the day and not as many "I miss you's" Other than that everything was fine, no arguments or anything. Then Thursday night I was actually showered, dressed and ready to head over to his place when he texted me with this: "Molly, I think we need to step back a little". I was floored, so I replied "Umm ok." He then proceded to text me saying that his head is messed up and he's just confused and needs some time to himself. I told him that I thought something was up. I then tried to call him to talk about it not through text and he didn't answer and texted that he just needed some time and that he was playing video games with his friend. I was totally floored. I didn't know if I should be mad, or sad or what. I later texted him and asked if this was the end of us or what and he wrote back "I'd hope not." OK, I'm lost, what does that mean? I can't even ask him any of the questions that are running through my mind. The only logical explanation that I can think of is that my feelings are too intense for him. I'm a girl that doesn't like to play games. If I like someone they know it, I'm not good at the chase thing. I just want to be happy and on the same page as my significient other. He lives his life very much by the seat of his pants and maybe he feels like he is going to be tied down. This is not my motivation. I do not want to tie someone down or have them feel like they HAVE to hang out with me or talk to me. I want someone with me because they want to be. SO other then Thursday night there has been basically no contact. When I say basically I mean that on the 4th he texted me and said that his friend wanted to know where I get my favorite kind of beer. I was kinda pissed that even though he can't talk to me about what is going on and stuff, he has the nerve to ask me about beer for his friend. SO after I told him where I get it, I informed him that he can text me if he wants to talk to me, and if his friend has a question about something to give him my number. And an hour before that I get a voicemail from him of what sounds like his phone in his pocket that goes on for about 10 minutes. SO I call and ask him if he meant to leave a message and he says that his phone randomely dials numbers because it's a touch phone and he didn't mean to call me. Great, so now I look like an even bigger idiot.

I seriously don't know what is up with me. Why do I get myself in these situations. Maybe my loser radar is totally off, or I just choose to see the best in people who end up hurting me in the end. I have to say that I'm pretty crushed right now. I would be lying if I said this wasn't on my mind all weekend and I def did not have as much fun as I could have with this hanging over my head. So what do I do? My friends all say to not talk to him, to give him his space and time to miss me. Do you all know how hard that is for me??!! We go from hanging out every day and talking all the time, to nothing and "I need my space". I really feel like such a loser. I guess the one good thing is that it can only get better from here hopefully. It just sucks because I really liked Nick. He's funny and great and can always make me feel better and I thought we got along soooo well. Yea he's a little immature, but I'm a little upright so isn't that supposed to compliment each other?? Oh well, I'm totally confused and the only thing I can do is wait and do my own thing and see what he comes up with after some "space". I'll keep you guys updated.

I also rode one of the other horses at the barn yesterday and she was a complete bitch!!! She pulled a hissy fit when I asked her to go down the trail alone. Rearing and spinning and acting like a spoiled little brat. It's times like these that I really miss my horse. I didn't feel like working with a horse and reprimanding them, I just wanted to go down the road on a sunny day and feel better about life. Well I'm at work today and going to concentrate on the week. I have groups and educations this week so it will be pretty busy which will be good. Have a great day everyone, I'm gonna hang in there.

good rides and a missing shoe

2009-07-02T06:55:00.001-07:00

Sorry it's been so long since I've blogged last. Monday I rode Possum in the afternoon in the indoor ofcourse because we have had something like 26 straight days of rain, I kid you not. Crops are flooded and dying in the state, rivers are overflowing and washing out roads and fields. The ground is totally saturated and our paddocks at the barn are a huge mud pit. I also think I am seriously lacking in vitamin D and need the sun to shine. My aditude is lacking some and I'm a little cranky. I rode with my roomie on Monday and we both worked on trotting fences and gettingour horses right to the base of it to work on tight knees and our positions. For having 6 days off form riding my whole body has gone to shit. My right leg was doing some funky things and I just couldn't get in the groove, it was frustrating me. It was a good ride and a good one for both Possum and I to get back into real work with some time off.

Last night I went to the barn to ride Possum, and yet again it was drizzling and the outdoor was way too slippery to be riding in so we worked some in the indoor. Possum was actually quite good and I felt a little better with my equitation, although my right leg was still trying to do some funky things. On the approach to every jump Ihad to remind myself outloud "right leg, right leg". There were only two diagonal lines set up in the arena so after a really good flat we did some trotting. First trotting aftre the jump and then after a while cantering away. At the end I got off and put one of the jumos up to 2'9" and the other at 3'. We cantered each jump one after the other working on pace and rhythm. Possum was actually great and I was thrilled. It wasn't a course or anything, but it was still jumps one after another. I let him end on that and and we walked up to the barn. He still had some energy so I decided to go down the road for a gallop. My friend offered to follow us in a car to see how fast we really were going. As soon as we hit the straightaway Possum shot forward and was ready to go. I gave him his head and he stretched out eating the ground with his strides. I kneaded my hands along his neck asking for more speed and he dug in even more. As the road started to go uphill I out my arm up to signal to my friend that we were slowing down. After we walked she pulled up to us and said that she had to back off some from all the rocks and dirt being kicked up but did get us at 45mph. I was so thrilled. Maybe we could have hit 50 or more if there was another horse for competition, I know Possum and I have gone faster before. I thanked her and turned Possum around. I am always mindful in listening to his foot falls when walking and something didn't sound right. I hopped off and sure enough his right hind shoe was gone. I looked down the road and saw it sticking in the dirt about where I had started to slow him up. So I walked him in hand the rest of the way to the barn since Possum is super tender footed and I wanted to save his feet from breaking and cracking. When we got back I called and left a message for our farrier and started to take care of Possum. I told everyone how fast he was and how he could probably go even faster with another horse. Hey, my horse may not be the best jumper or the best looking but he sure can run and I'm gonna brag about that all day hahaha.

This morning my farrier called and said that because of the weather he couldn't ocme to put the show on until Monday. I was totaly bummed since I had planned a good portions of this long weekend to work Possum because it was almost a week before out next show. So I called the barn owner and asked her if I could ride some of her horses to keep myself in shape and she said that that was more than fine. It won't hurt Possum or anything to have the weekend off, but I just wanted to get in some more good rides before the next show since it is my favorite show and it's a grass course which is mine and Possum's favorite. We'll just have to make do with what we have and go from there. The most important thing rightnow is getting and keeping my body in shape and strong.

Well I'm looking out the window at work and it'sraining pretty good now. I am so sick of this weather. The summer seems to be flying by and it's only been rainy. Nick and I are doing well, but who knows what we are technically. He is so confusing sometimes. I know for sure now that I want something serious, but I'm totally chicken to really say anything other than immature hints, I really need to grow up. I think we're hanging out tonight because I have tomorrow off. he has soccer tonight so won't be home till about dark. I'm telling you the kid never stays in one place for more than a second. Also my family iscoming up for the 4th and the week after so I'm excited to hang out with all my cousins and I'm hoping that the rain atleast holds off for Saturday.

What a Weekend!!!

2009-06-29T06:01:00.001-07:00

It's now Monday and I'm still recovering from a crazy and hectic horse filled weekend, and I didn't even see Possum. Let me explain. I've talked to a woman online who lives in Maine, but about 4 hrs away and she does endurance riding with her arab/rocky mountain horse cross. She had an event this weekend pretty close to my parents house and she was looking for someone to crew for her so I volunteered not knowing what I was getting into. I took off early from work Friday and met her at the campsite around 12p. The place was a zoo, literally. Huge truck and trailers with gorgeous living quarters, basically million dollar rigs and such. I was in trailer heaven. I met the woman and the horse for the first time and then we got down to the business of educating me about endurance riding and what my responsibilities would be. Her dad would also be crewing for her so his job to to take care of her and my job was to take care of the horse. We got everything ready that we could, baggies of grain, beet pulp, packed totes and got out many water buckets with screw tops so that they wouldn't spill in the truck on the way to the pit crew stops. Got electrolytes ready, clothes both horse and human, food for the human and anything else you can think of. The riders meeting was at 7:30p so I stayed for a little after that and then went to stay at my parents house where I had dropped my dogs off earlier. It was about 10p when I finally went to bed and then got up at 3:15am the next morning. I got to the camp site and the 100 mile riders were set to leave at 5am so I helped her get herself and the horse ready. Gave him a dose of electrolytes and off they went down the trail. Her dad and I for the rest of the day went around at all the pit crew stops and vet checks. My job at the vet checks was to sponge the horse off to get his heart rate at and preferably below 64 bpm. Then strip him and have the vet check him over and then trot him out as they then checked him again. After the vet check there is a mandatory hold of about 20-50 minutes depending on the loop they are riding and then that's when we put as much food and water in both horse and rider as we can and get them in some shade. Then we tack up and off they go again. Crewing for a 100 mile endurace race was a very hard thing. I was constantly on the go, lifting, lugging, prepping etc... The weather held out for the most part with only a few showers, but it was so humid it made it hard to breathe and even harder for the horses to cool out. My rider finally finished the ride at 3am the next morning. I actually left a little early since I had to drive back to my parents house and then back to my house and I had already been awake and running around for over 22 hrs. But I got updates that she and her horse passed all vet checks with flying colors and with mostly all A's. The last two loops, 22 miles, were in the dark with glowsticks as markers, it was really cool waiting at the pit stops and then seeing them trotting with ther head lamps and glow sticks.

I don't think I'll ever ride in a 100 mile race, especially not on Possum, he would hate me forever, but I wouldn't mind doing a 50 mile one or something, preferably on someone else's horse. I had a lot of fun, but it was balanced with a lot of work. I was totally exhausted after and crashed at Nick's that early Sunday morning at around 2am since I was having a hard time staying awake driving and was singing to the radio to stay awake. I learned so much about endurance and the riders and all the work and technical planning it takes to have a good ride, it was really cool. It made me want to ride with them. So Sunday Nick had to get yup at 7am to put in some docks in the rain and I barely woke up enough to drive myself and the dogs the 10 min drive home and collapsed in my bed again for 3 hrs. I then got up and took a shower adn got dressed since Nick invited me to go with him to his nephews 2nd birthday party. I really took it as a good sign that he invted me to a family party. There were literally 30 people there and I'm not gonna lie and say that is wasn't a little intimidating. No one knew how to introduce me. Nick's GF, or Nick's friend, or just "this is Molly". It was kinda funny. After the party I went home and slept for a few hrs again while Nick and his guy friends all went disc golfing in the rain. I was plenty happy to sit this one out. Then we all met up again for dinner at a local brew pub and then him and I went to his apartment with the dogs and had some beers and went to bed.

It was a crazy busy weekend but was a lot of fun and I got a lot of exercise and learned so much. I really have a lot of respect for the endurance world and how dedicated they are to not only to their sport but their horses as well. I like to learn as much about other disciplines as I can. That's one of the reasons that I also marshall the STB races in the fall cause I love to see the different people and learn new things. Well that's about it to report on. I'm still dragging ass today, but I'm going to force myself to atleast see my horse tonight, and hopefully ride in the indoor since we're been getting so much rain lately it's horrible. We've gotten over 7.5 inches of rain so far in June which is a new record, but it doesn't make for good riding weather.

Here is a pic that I took of the woman right before dark on her ridel. She had already ridden about 75 miles a this point.

You asked for it, Nick and I at the show

2009-06-23T09:36:00.000-07:00

While I was waiting for my classes to start Possum and I parked by the stands to watch the other riders and visit with our barn crew. Nick and I were talking about the show and he was asking questions while Possum took a snooze and atleast 2 people from our barn group snapped some pics of us. Possum really likes Nick and is totally comfortable with him as you can see by the half open eye lids.

Show Re-cap

2009-06-22T06:03:00.000-07:00

The group of us from Avalon Meadows. We were having a lot of fun at this point. Yes, that is Nick pushing Moonshine's butt into the frame.

My friend Vicki on the left, my roomie in the middle and ofcourse me on Possum. If you look close you can see the top of Nick's head in Moonie's ears.

Cantering in a flat class

All of us discussing a group photo and strategy, this is normally what we look like at a show, everyone talking at once hehehe.

I've been so busy this weekend I hardly had time to post those pics, but I havn't posted in a while and I promised some that I quickly put them up the yesterday morning. As for the show I would call it a success. We only did 3 jumping classes since my adult medal was cancelled due to too little entries. The first course was rough, not terrible but we couldn't find our rhythm, either it was too slow or super speedy. But we got around and that's all that matter in this stage of the game. Our second course was much better. We had a better pace and rhythm and we got good spots and Possum was only mildly fast. The third course was not that great. Possum was hyper about this time since he had already been in twice and basically said to me "I know what I'm doing, let me go!". He was a handful and we knocked a rail pretty hard so much so that I thought we broke it. But as I've said before, this is a year for experience and not ribbons. We still placed fairly well and the second course we got 2nd from both judges which was cool. There were only about 5 riders maybe in that division. Th ehigher the fences usually the less riders. The most riders enter the 2'-2'3" and the 2'3"-2'6" divisions and then they all drop like flies when the jumps get up to around 3ft.

I was really happy with the course and the footing in the ring. It was nice and springy and the striding was good and appropriate for our height jumps. They had beautiful oxars and a birch vertical, it was super nice and I was really glad that I went. Guess who else went.....Nick. He siad that he actually had a good time. He visited with everyone from our barn and we were laughing and having a good time. He stayed through all the jumping and the hack class and then went back home after spending most of the day with us crazy horse girls. The flat classes as usual went great, we either won them or came in second. We also won the hack class which was super cool. The last flat class I was kinda spacing it and we were on the straightaway and they asked for the canter and Possum picked up the wrong lead for a stride before I quickly broke him down and switched it, but that put us out of the ribbons. It was a super long day and we didn't get home until 10:30p and the horses were also beat. I waitied until the next morning to take his braids out because we were both too tired and it was dark and rainy out. The weather did hold though for the most part, it only sprinkled a handful of times which was great, I can't complain about that. So over all I was pretty happy with the day. Even though Possum is speedy I was able to bring him back for the most part and we had one really good course which was great. I was working hard on my equitation which can be hard with a horse hauling you around the ring, but I stayed strong and my core muscles were aching at the end of the day.

Pictures as promised from Saturdays show

2009-06-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

Let the games begin....

2009-06-19T07:29:00.001-07:00

So I'm sitting here at work basically waiting for the doors to open and let me free to race around like a chicken with my head cut off for the rest of the weekend. As soon as I leave the office I'm literally racing home, changing into yucky barn clothes since it's absolutely pouring out and getting Possum set up for a quick bath out in the rain to get ready for the show tomorrow. I am seriously debating on wearing my bathing suit since it's that wet outside. When I say pouring, I mean pouring hard. So let's go through th elist of things I have to do tonight to get ready for the show tomorrow

Bathe Possum

Pack hay nets

Pack water bucket

Pack the truck with my tack

Wash show saddle pad tonight

Pack show clothes

Set out clothes to wear in the morning

Pack extra dry clothes and rain gear

Blanket Possum and wrap his back legs so they stay white

Trim facial hairs on Possum

Trim legs

Paint hooves

Pack brushes and extra rain sheet for Possum

That's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure I'll come up with a few more. It can be overwhelming to remember all of those things and not go crazy, especially when I'm just sitting here at work waiting to leave.

I went to the barn last night and took Possum out for a ride. I noticed after doing the pinch test that he was a little dehydrated so we gave him some more electrolytes and he drank about half a bucket of water shortly after that. He was actually a little lazy at first for our ride but as soon as we started jumoing he perked right up. We had to have some reminder halts and sharp half halts but for the most part it was an OK ride and I'm hoping that it's enough to take us to the show. ON a good note he didn't even nick any of the jumps and was really rounding and getting good form over them. As always he just needs to not be so heavy and quick. The barn owner even got on him last night to try out some new stirrups we were testing and said that he is one of her least favorite horses to ride. Nature was not kind on him with giving him a straight shoulder and being built downhill. SO after the ride I tucked him in for the night and gave him lots of hay and two buckets of water after he drank another half bucket when we were finished.

After riding I went with Nick and his friend Jon to go play disc golf a couple towns over. We were really lucky and it barely spinkled when we were there and we had a blast. I didn't really do too well but it was still fun. After; we went to a local pub and had a great dinner. It felt nice when Nick was all affectionate and huggey and kissey. When he first saw me he gave me the biggest hug and kiss I thought he was going to break me. He was all rubbing my leg at dinner and stuff. It feels nice to have someone like me and want to spend time with me. He's just really a great guy and I hope things keep going on the good track that they are. I totally have feelings for this dude. But the best part about Nick is that he loves all of my animals and they all love him. Whenever I go to his apartment he begs me to bring the dogs. He doesn't mind them hogging the bed and he was really concerned when Possum wasn't feeling well. That to me is one of the most important qualities in a mate. If you like me, you have to like my animals and they also have to give their approval. My dog Phin is the hardest critic and he adores Nick which is always a plus. Well that's enough blabbering, I'm going to go back to counting the minutes now. Don't know if I'll have time to check in before tomorrow but I promise to have pics to share after the show. No guarantee on if their going to be good or not, but I'll get some.

On the mend

2009-06-18T06:39:00.001-07:00

Thanks everyone for your well wishes for Possum. He is doing great. I went to the barn last night after work and he was in his stall and was happy to see me. I took him out and looked him all over. He looked good. No swelling in the glands and was his chipper self. He has lost a little weight so we have been puttin the hay right to him and he's gobbling it up. Instead of riding I decided to take him for a run. Yes folks, I snapped a lead rope on his halter, was dressed in shorts and a tank top and headed down the road jogging with my horse in tow. Running with a hrose isn't always easy. He kept switching sides on me so I would have to switch my hand that was holding the lead rope. Now I am in no shape to run 2 miles up and down hills so I would stop and walk a bit and then start jogging again. All I can say is that my horse is in waaaaay better shape than I am. It puts me to shame.

When we got back to the barn I gave him a good grooming and he drank almost a whole bucket of water. I picked out his stall, refilled his water buckets and gave him his dinner hay and tucked him in for the night. He looked good and I have hoped of riding him tonight after work since this will be the last chance for a work out before the show Saturday. I think he'll be up for the task.

Before leaving the barn I loaded up my saddle and bridles and my roomies's tack and brought it all home to clean. I carried it up to the roof and had a little tack cleaning party since I wouldn't have time Friday night to do it. I cleaned and oiled and then oiled some more. All of my leather thanked me. Especially my bridle I use just for training at the farm, it was in sad shape. I took extra time on that one. So now all of my tack is ready to go and get soaked in the rain for Saturday, yea! (totally sarcastic). I just need to wash my show pad and then Friday night bathe and braid Mr. Possum and pack hay nets and tack and go to bed early. Despite the weather forecast I'm going to put a happy face on and enjoy the show. After all I'm paying an arm and a leg for it, I better make the best of it. Below are a couple pics of my clean saddle and bridle. The bridle is my show one, I use the happy mouth pelham and Possum goes pretty well in it for the most part. The other is my pride and joy saddle, a Circuit Pro. Have a great day everyone.

When things go from bad to worse....

2009-06-17T08:16:00.000-07:00

SO I shared the fact that Possum was shivering the other day when it was raining but wasn't even cold out. SO I go to the barn the next day. It's slightly misting but I don't worry about it because he has his good rain sheet on and a shelter to go into if he has any problems. PLus the temps are in the upper 60's, not cold at all for Maine weather. So I bring him in the barn and take off his blanket and go about grooming him when I look at his side and flanks and they are all sunk in like he hadn't had anything to drink in years and had just ran 20 miles non-stop. It's very tight and you can hardly see him breathing because his muscles are so tense. I then go to his head and his glands where gthe head ties into the neck ae swollen like crazy. Both sides. I start to get a little worried, Possum has never been sick and this is just puzzling. He is pooping, eating normally and has a shine to his eye of normalcy. He is not slow and wants to move and acts normal in that aspect. His gums are pink and normal and with the pinch test he is not dehydrated. I walk him down to the indoor and by this time he is slightly shivering again, weird. I have the barn owner look at him and she is also puzzled. We take his temp and it's only slightly below normal. His skin is still cool to the touch. She advises that I maybe work him to get his temp up and maybe relax his tight flanks. She says to only do as much as he wants to. SO I tack him up and everything is normal. I get on easily and he walks off with purpose, he's ready to move. I ride him on a long rein for about 20 min. A good long walk and trotting and then he wanted to canter so I let him go large around the arena. I keep feeling his chest for signs of sweat or warmth, hardly any.

So I untack him and give him a good rub down and offer him water. I opt to put him in the stall for the night and get a heavier blanket for him to wear. I grab an armful of hay and he eagerly tears at it. I give him one more once over and he appears to be fine. His swelling in his glands has gone down some from the ride but his sides still look tight. The next day after work (yesterday) I go to the barn and he is happily standing in his stall. I go in and he is warm under his blanket so I take it off. His sides look much better, still a little tight but not bad. The swelling in his glands is gone but he is a little dehydrated. I give him some electrolytes and 10 min later he drinks half a bucket of water. I let him out to grave for a bit while I get ready to ride and talk it over with the barn owner. The only thing we can come up with is that he was allergic to soemthing and went into a little bit of a shock. The shivering, the swollen glands and the tight sides. His body was fighting off something. I make the decision to ride today since he looks good and is trotting around the yard like a crazy man. We have a decent ride and even throw in some jumping. He is acting perfectly normal and after riding I offer him some more water. I check him all over again, gums are pink, he is fully hydrated, his sides look normal and no swelling. His eyes are bright and he is not even tired. I out him in the stall again just to be safe but this time leave the blanket off since it's going to be 80 degrees tomorrow.

I really have no clear explanation as to why this happened. Nothing different has happened in his world, no immunizations or vet things done recently, no new hay, same paddock and everything. It's baffling unless some kind of bug bit him and made him have that kind of reaction but I couldn't find any sting marks or anything and I looked him all over. On a good note all of his cuts from the barrel incident are healed over and just little scabs now. Their clean and healthy looking and I'm happy for that. Tonight I'm going to the barn to check on him and throw him back out in his paddock before he goes crazy in his stall. I'm grabbing my tack and going home to sit on the roof and clean my stuff since it's actually a really nice day out. Just taking it day by day with Possum but this whole sickness thing is very odd, but thankfully he looks and feels great like nothing ever happened.

Gearing up for the weekend

2009-06-15T08:06:00.000-07:00

SO because the weather has been rainy and basically crappy yesterday and now onto today I've been a little down. This is normal for me when the sun goes away and the temps cool down with a steady rain. I motivated myself to go to the barn yesterday. It was literally pouring. Possum was in the shelter with the other horses and I went to get him. I had to take a second look because he was shivering. I have never seen him shiver before, but he was definately shaking in his shoes. It wasn't that cold out, probably around 60 degrees but the rain must have soaked him just enough. SO I brought him in the barn and put a warm wool cooler on him to dry him off and warm him up. I gave him some hay to eat to help jump start his warming system. Of all teh years I've had him and in all kinds of weather I have never seen him shiver. His legs were shaking as well as his flanks. His stomach was all sucked in. I checked his gums to make sure they were pink and did the pinch test to see if he was dehydrated and all was fine. He pooped fine and within half an hour he had stopped shaking. I rubbed a clean dry towel all over him until he was almost dry. I had plans of riding him but after that ordeal I thought it would be mean so I threw a rain sheet on him and put him back out and stayed a little while to keep an eye on him. He was perfectly fine by then.

I don't know what it was that made him so cold. I was wet and everything but I wasn't cold at all. It just must have been a freak thing. While he was warming up in the barn I looked over his two cuts from the barrel incident. They were healing nicely. The one above the coronary band was scabbed over, and the one below his hock was closing nicely. I rinsed both of them with cold water and gave them a dab of antibiotic ointment and called it good. It was the green light I needed to continue to work him this week. No swelling anywhere, everything looked good.

But it's raining and yucky again today and with that my motivation lacks a lot. I'm in the office most of the day which is draining in itself, I'd much rather be running around to schools and things, it makes the time go by faster.

As for the date on Friday it went really well. Dinner was OK, I didn't know many of the people but I hung in there and did well. Then we went bowling and that was when the fun started. They had a band there and it was like disco bowling. Everyone loosened up and I kicked ass bowling hahaha. I'm not that good at disc golf, but I can bowl so I felt like I redeemed myself a little. Nick and I had a blast and I was able to sneak in quick hugs and pecks. I really like being with him. I ended up crashing at his place that night at 3am, we were both exhausted.

The next day he and I and his friend and GF went disc golfing. It was a course I havn't been to and it was a blast. The other girl got tired after 18 holes and wanted to leave. Both Nick and I were up for doing another round, but since we all came in the same car we reluctantly left. I do believe that Nick is going to make an appearance at the show this Saturday. That really says a lot to me. The show is over 2 hrs away and as we all know they can be kinda boring if your not a horse person. I clearly gave him an out because he doesn't need to prove anything to me. I'm going to be busy and a little stressed and he totally understands and wants to come support me. Man I like this kid! So things are going well with us. We're definately exclusive and in terms of anything mroe serious, it's a possibility, we'll see.

Alright, back to work. Just wanted to give you guys an update in this rainy weather. I'm praying for blue skies on Saturday, and Friday for that matter. Oh and also Sunday we are having our summer barn party which is also goign to be a blast. SO it's a horse filled weekend coming up!!!!

Feel Like a Bad Horse Mom Today

2009-06-12T06:44:00.000-07:00

So last night I went to the barn with my roomie to ride our ponies and get down to some serious training before the big show next weekend. Possum warmed up really well ad we started jumping some small lines which was pretty good. Our outdoor arena is not exactly level. Possum does really well jumping the uphill side of the arena but not so hot on the downhill. Because he is downhill himself and heavy on the forehand I have to work twice as hard to not only fight him, but gravity as well. After a few reprimands abd halting in between lines he started to get the idea and sit back on his hocks and hold himself and not rush the lines. I was pretty happy about that. I was also working really hard on my own equitation which can be hard if you have a horse leaning on your hands and blowing through half halts. I did the best I could and really got a good core workout.

So onto the bad part. I was finishing up my jumping when one of the people in the arena decided to put the barrels so that they were standing straight instead of on their side. This is usually not an issue for us as we have jumped upright barrels hundreds of times. My first mistake was not examining the way they were set up. My second mistsake was not taking into account that we had just jumped quite a bit in some humid weather, and the third was my ability to focus and get us to a good spot. I jumped the first jump in the line and he was actually kinda slow on the landing. It was supposed to be a 5 stride line to the barrels and just before 5 I realized that I didn't have a spot and Possum realized it also. I put myself on autopilot (unconciously) and Possum went to duck out to the left since I was dumb and couldn't get us to a good spot. What neither he or I realized until the last minute was that the barrels were so close to another jump in another line that there was no way out to the left. It was one of those "O' Shit" moments. Since Possum was twisted to the left with no where to go he came straight up and over the barrels with his right hind coming right down on the barrel. The barel gave way and knocked over making it even harder for him to get his footing. His front feet landed and his torse was twisted and he couldn't get his hind leg free. By this time I was just trying to sit in the middle of his back and braced myself against his neck so as not to set him even more off balance. I almost came off myself. Just when I thought he was going down for good he got his leg free and cantered and then trotted away from the mess. It was at this time that I felt a noticeable limp and immediately hopped off and went to inspect. This whole thing happened in about 3 seconds but there was a lot of thought process. My first reaction was that he broke his leg. After walking him around for a few steps he was fine. I stopped him and inspected all of his legs. He had a minor cut on his right hind bwlow the hock and a little scrape above his coronary band. I felt terrible, I kept telling him sorry over and over. We walked out for a good 15 minutes at which time he was perfectly sound. I think he limped more after the jump because his leg stung than he was actually hurt. Thank God!! I treated the cuts and rubbed liniment on all of his legs and gave him handfulls of treats. I really felt like an ass. Because we were jumping an obstacle that is fairly solid I really needed to make sure that the jump had an out on both sides and that I was there to help my horse. I totally let him down and put him in a potentially dangerous situation. SO needless to say I'm not riding today and giving his cut a chance to crust over and treat it again if it needs it. I can't say enough on how I let Possum down and feel like such an idiot. He totally trusted me and I came up short, not cool.

Obviously there is a lot to learn from this and I'm just really glad that no one was hurt. I wish it would have been me that got cut up then him, I can handle my own injuries especially when I deserve them.

So tonight Nick and I are going out with a few other couples to dinner and bowling. It should be interesting since I basically only know Nick and one other person going. But I'm going to keep an open mind and try and have fun. Besides bowling is one of my games hehehe. Saturday I'll be back at the barn and hopefully ready to ride my Possum. I also found out that Nick is going to the show next Saturdayw hich is cool but perhaps a little boring and a very long day for him. But I'm glad that hes coming and wants to see me and support Possum and I. He's such a great guy I can't say enough good about him. Well I'm off to another school, talk later.

Catching Up

2009-06-10T17:01:00.001-07:00

Happy Hump day everyone. It's Wednesday and I'm excited for the upcoming weekend. The only thing that sucks is that it's been raining here for a few days and it looks like it's gonna keep raining until atleast Friday. I opted not to ride this afternoon. Instead Nick and I went to play Disc Golf. It was kinda fun even though it was drizzling. SO I'm back at his place checking up on the blog while he's playing soccer on PS3, He's just so darn cute! I just can't get over how well we get along and can just joke and relax, it's never strained or weird.

Possum is doing well, he's working away at a round bale in his paddock so he totally happy right now. My plan for the weekend is to get two good training rides in over a full course of 3ft. We have been doing really with the tighter equtation courses, it's the more hunter type course that needs work. He tends to rush down the lines some and rush sungle fences that take forever to get to. I can't say that I blame him too much, I'd want to get to them sooner too.

Well that's about all I can think of for now. Have a great Wednesday and hopefully I'll have some time to check in tomorrow night.

Things are going well

2009-06-09T07:22:00.000-07:00

Well it's been a few days since I've checked in on the blog. I've been busy at the barn riding and with the Nick stuff. Leah Fry asked in the comments of my last post of when my next show is, I think I've mentioned it, but since it's coming up really soon I will talk about it again. My next show is a big hunter show on June 20th, Fathers Day weekend. It's almost 3 three hrs away from the barn so it's kind of a haul. It's a double judged show and I will be showing in the adult equitation and amateur adult hunter divisions 2'9"-3ft. No warm-up over anything small, just diving right in to the 3ft world. Because it's double judged and at a large show it's quite expensive. The whole day with 6 classes I'm entering and trailering it's gonna cost me about $300. But on the other hand it should be really cool. The ring is under cover with bleacher seating so there should also be a lot of spectators. It's also the show's 30th year so there are special prizes and ribbons and gift bags for everyone when they check in in the morning. I'm just a little nervous about doing well. SO lately I've been riding almost everyday at the barn. Shooling some days and then mixing it up with trail rides which Possum loves. We're been making steady process, it just depends on if it sticks when we get into the show ring. Mostly we're working on not rushing lines, everything else is really quite good. My position always needs attention, but I'm working on it and my leg is finally becoming stronger and doesn't move at all no matter what spot I get. Sitting up and tall with boobs up and ass out hahaha. So that's what I've been working on lately.

The other night I was really tired and had been puttering around the house all day but decided to go to the barn and ride Possum. I had plans of only riding to the pond and back which is less then an hr. I got to the pond and then decided to explore a road which turned into another and then another. Pretty soon I was totally lost and confused and didn't even know which end was up. SO I just went with it. I asked a few people for directions and ended up allmost 3 towns from the barn hahaha. It was steadily getting dark and threatening to rain. For a while I gave Possum's back a break and got off and walked and jogged with him so that I could ge some exercise too. My horse is so good. He walks right with me without me holding onto him, and when I start jogging he trots. He's too cool. We finally made it back to the barn three hours later. I was dumb and didn't even bring my phone with me since I didn't think I was going anywhere special. The barn owner was a little concerned, but she knows me and said that she wouldn't start to get worried unil it got completely dark. So I gave Possum a little extra grain in his dinner and gave him an extra rub down and turned him out to a new round bale in his paddock, he was in heaven.

Onto the Nick saga. Things are going great! We didn't see each other and had minimal contact for 4 days. It sucked and I missed him a whole lot and I didn't laugh nearly as much in those 4 days as I normally would with him. We started hanging out again this past weekend and it was great. He expressed to me how much he likes me and how we have so much fun together. He was basically begging me to see him, and it didn't take much for me to give in hahaha. He came to the barn last night and we went on a trail ride. He galloped Possum and was on cloud nine. He was grinning ear to ear and said that that was so cool. Possum took good care of him and I doubt he was all out, but it was safe and that's all I care about. After we got back and took care of the horses he was all huggey and kissey and asked me to come to his house for dinner. I'm not gonna lie, I love the attention and it feels really good to be wanted. I'm trying very hard not to fall to hard too fast and keep my wits about me, but really we have nothing but a good time together. It's a great situation actually. I have my own horse life and horse friends and eh has a ton of friends in his life so it's OK that we do our own things and then sometimes we get to do our own things with each other. He likes and barn and loves my horse, and I really like hanging out with his friends and their really cool.

So that's about it. Working, horses and hanging with Nick and I'm totally content right now. I'm going to enjoy the moment and have fun with every day that comes. I have a big exciting show coming up and a great support system in my friends and Nick. It's great. Nick even asked me to go out to a pretty fancy restaurant tomorrow night. Kinda sounds like a real date to me, totally cool! Well have a great day. It's raining here but I'm home doing work on the computer (minus this blog post) and I'm in a great mood so who cares. Plus Possum definately deserves a day off today since he's been ridden like 6 days in a row.

Odd Dreams and Such...

2009-06-05T05:39:00.000-07:00

So last night after work I packed up the dogs and we headed to the barn. Abby had not shit in the kitchen which I was happy about, but I still kept a close eye on her as I was changing. When we got to the barn I got Possum out and gave him a thorough grooming until his coat felt like silk. I love that he has completely shed out and his nice summer coat is here. I visited with my friend and the barn owner and we got caught up telling stories and laughing while Possum caught a nap in the crossties. We had fun and my stomach hurt from laughing so much. Eventually I put a bridle on Possum and just rode him around bareback in the outdoor for about 20 minutes. We did walk, trot, canter and cantered over some small fences, mainly for my benefit than his. I wanted to get a good leg workout even if I wasn't riding seriously. After; I put Possum away and fed him his grain and loaded up the dogs and went home. I had half of a Subway sandwich left over from lunch so I scarfed that down while watching the movie Airplane 1975 starring Charlton Heston. I've seen this movie before but I couldn't really remember it so I kept it on. Abby has not had any accidents so far, yea!

After the movie my roomate had a friend come over and I took that as my cue to got to bed. I watched about an hr or so of more TV and then went to sleep. I had the weirdest dream and it basically sent me into an anxiety attack. I was at a big show and the whole barn was there. I was getting ready to warm-up and I realized that I had forgotten my helmet. I was freaking out. I couldn't borrow anyone's because we were all riding at the same time. I had 10 minutes until the start of my class and I wasn't ready. Plus in this dream there was a huge walk from the place where the horses were kept to the arena. I remember going through people's tack trunks trying to find a helmet and the only one I could find was a derby which was not safety approved. I woke up in a full body sweat, and then I smelled it....shit. I turned on the light and sure enough there were two circles of diarrhea on my floor. I was not happy. Why can't dogs when they have diarrhea just atleast sit still while they poop no Abby has to basically spin circles spreading it everywhere! I put on my shoes and went to get the trash can and some paper towels. After scraping it all up I got a bucket of soap and water and a sponge and scrubbed the floors, this did little to the stains. But this time it was 3:30am. I decided to shoot Nick a text just saying something funny. Note to self: friends don't let friends text tired. He actually answered and said that he had fallen asleep on the couch and was just going into his bed when I texted him. So we chatted for a few and I finally fell back to sleep after 4am and had to get up at 6am. I had Abby come onto the bed because I thought I could tell if she got down and prevent any more accidents on the floor. When the alarm went off I sat up and sure enough more shit on the floor. I was pissed because I only have a certain amount of time to get ready in the morning and this was going to royally mess up my schedule. I booted Abby outside and began the clean-up process all over again, took a shower, got dressed, let the other 2 dogs out, packed up my work things and locked them all in the kitchen and drove the hr to my first school of the day.

Despite having a rough morning I am suprisingly in a pretty chipper mood today. I still miss my Nick, but it's Friday and I have the weekend to look forward to. After work this afternoon I'm rolling up my sleeves and washing the floors again. Hopefully this will only take an hr or so and then I can head to the barn and chill out there and ride Possum. We need to get back down to business and have serious rides this weekend. We will working on pace again and my equitation. Lines and roll backs and broken lines and precise transitions. Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

When making the right decision still feels crappy...

2009-06-04T11:51:00.001-07:00

Ok, I'm gonna sabotage this post fo a little bit to talk about guy stuff. I know this is not unuaual for me, but I need to get this off my chest. Nothing really bad has happened at all, just need to vent. SO Nick and I have been hanging out a lot lately. We get along great and have so much fun and really seem to click. It has gotten to the point that we act like we're dating when in actuality we are not. The other night I wanted to talk to him about this. I told him how much I liked him and that I am really starting to like him and do not want to put myself in a situation to be hurt again. He was really good about it and said that he did not want to hurt me and he was just kinda confused. I said that was fine, but my feelings are becoming clear and strong and I need to do something about it. It was a very civil and adult conversation and we were both definately speaking from the heart. It was hard for me but I made the decision to back off some. To not hang out for a while and not talk as much because it was just getting too hard for me. This is a decision that sucks for me, but I figured it could possibly save me some heart ache worse in the future. He was kinda sad and said that he didn't want me to do that, but he understood what I had to do for myself. He said that he really liked me as well and I was great and things with us are great but he just wasn't sure about anything serious. I was grateful for his honesty and understood where he was coming from. But I countered with the fact that this right now is not where I want to be. I said I wasn't putting any pressure on him or anything, but that I need to do this for myself. I don't want to be someone's Fuck buddy and I also don't want to be in a one sided relationship (pat on the back for me). It pretty much sucked for the both of us.

Yesterday I called his good friend and talked to him about it because as you all know I need to talk about it to process it. He told me to stick to my guns and that Nick may need a little kick in the ass to miss me and appreciate me. He was really supportive and said that whetever happened Nick cared very much about being good friends. Nick even said the other night that I was his best female friend and almost cried when I told him that I needed to disappear for a while. It really pulled at my heart strings. I'm not gonna lie, I was a little down last night and today I'm a little sad. I know I did the right thing in sticking up fo myself, but I can't help but feel that I deserve someone that is head over heels for me and wants to be with me no matter what. I know I've seen way too many Cinderella and Romeo and Julet based movies lately. I love the kid to pieces and who knows if it would even work out, but I'm not even really getting the chance to know.

I'm really OK with it, I just miss him is all. I miss the late night talks into the morning. The nights of sitting on the couch talking non-stop with the TV on basically for background light. I miss his hugs and the way he holds my face in his hands. And I miss the way that I'll try and sneak a look at him and find that he's already looking at me. I know I'm being overly dramatic, but if I don't get it out here it stays in my head bouncing back and forth. So for right now I'm focusing on work, going to the barn and hanging out with other friends.

As for the horse front, Possum is doing splendidly. Monday we had a really good training ride in the arena. We worked on him being slow and carrying himself. I was also trying to work on myself. Sitting up tall and straight. Contact with calf and thigh and a lowered heel. Hands up and even with my eyes trained straight ahead. It went fairly decent. Tuesday I did the same and he was even bette and we put some of the jumps up and he stayed pretty quiet for the most part, we even got some compliments so that gives me a little hope for our chances at the show in a few weeks. Last night we went for a trail ride alone. Because I was kinda feeling down it was perfect. The temp was perfect and we just rode along for over an hr. Possum got a chance to gallop and it was great. I crouched low to his neck and centered over his back and he let it fly. There si still nothign like the feeling of full out galloping. It's been a good week at the barn so far. Tonight I was tossing around the idea of riding Aragon, but I'm not really sure if I have the mental capacity of if I want to maybe bomb around on Possum for aneasy ride since we'll have some good work-outs this weekend. Still deciding on that one.

At lunch today I went and laid out on the roof to get some sun for about an hr, that always makes me feel better. I woke up this morning to diarrhea all over my floor in the bedroom. Abby had apparantly been sick all night and was still sick this morning and early afternoon so I've been cleaning up shit for most of the day. She and the other two are shut into the kitchen where lineoleum is much easier to clean up then carpet.. She's drinking just fine so I'm not worried about dehydration yet. I hope she just had an upset stomach and is on the mend now..

Well that's about it. Things are otherwise great. I just miss my Nick and I know he's missing me too. He needs time to actually think about what he wants. Because he is so laid back and go with the flow he does little self thinking so this may be new territory for him. Keep your fingers crossed, we'll see.................

I'm a bad horse mom

2009-05-29T06:37:00.001-07:00

OK, SO I'm feeling a little guilty right now. I havn't even been to the barn to see my horse in over two days, nevermind riding. The weather lately has just been sapping the energy out of me and I have had no motivation to ride in this crappy weather. I need to get moving this weekend though. I have no big plans and Nick is hiking Mt. Katahdin so I'll have the weekend to do whatever I like. My poor horse probably thinks that I abandoned him. Actually he's probably loving this little break. From here on out I need to stick to a strict training schedule before our big show on June 20th. We really need to work harder on our 3ft courses and getting more rhythmic instead of racing towards the jumps. It's hard sometimes because Possum loves jumoing a little too much and as soon as he sets his sights on the next jump he tears off at it. The bigger they are the faster he thinks he has to go to get over it and onto the next one. It's not that funny when your paying $30 a class and he's acting like a jumper in a jump-off. He should come off this little vacation with a fresh additude and be ready to work. I'll definately do some ring work this weekend and sprinkle in some trail rides as well. I rarely get to trail ride him anymore cause Nick has been riding him so much. I miss my calm and brave and collected trail horse. I love the fact that we can gallop at full speed, I can pull him up and then walk out on a long rein with no problem.

The weather this weekend is supposed to hold out for the most part, I think only a slight chance of showers and temps in the 60's and low 70's, prefect for me. I could never live in the south where it gets really hot. If I'm cold I can always put more clothes on, but when I'm hot you can only take off so many clothes and usually that doesn't even help. Horse shows in the dead of summer are tough for me. More then once I've had to duck into my car with the AC cranked to try and cool down quickly before I pass out. I have a histiry of heat stroke and it's not fun if your on a horse.

Well that's about it for now. I will ride this afternoon and get myself in gear. Plus the dogs are a little pissed too since they havn't been to the barn in a while. Everyone will be happy this afternoon.

Rainy middle of the week

2009-05-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

Possum waiting to go in the arena for a ride. This is a funky angled phone picture, but hey it's still him.

Possum sporting his nwe open front jumping boots that I got at Dover for a great price.

I was so happy to have my long weekend that I was kinda bummed to go back to work yesterday, although it is only a 4 day work week which is cool. I actually didn't do a whole lot of riding this weekend, I went to watch a lot of horse shows. On Saturday I went to watch an open show to see a couple of my barn friends show. It was a good day and they both did well. I started riding at this club many years ago in the walk-trot that I still know a lot of people up there so it was nice to check in.

Sunday I went to watch a hunter show that a bunch of people from the barn were in. I spent most of the day there. It rained a little later in the morning and then it cleared and was a beautiful afternoon. Everyone from the barn cleaned up and I was really proud of everyone. I have a hard time just watching at shows cause it really makes me want to get up and ride. If horse shows were free you can bet I would be doiung lots more showing. Possum and I have a big show to look forward to on June 20th which should be really fun but it's mega expensive since it's also double judged.

Monday I spent most of the day at the barn. I did stalls and then Nick came over and he and I and a couple teenagers decided to ride to the pond, the ride went well for the most part. Nick has been so busy lately with work and putting docks in the water at night that he is exhausted and totally stretched to the limit, which I don't blame him. He is only riding once a week about, but has improved greatly and I don't feel like I need to baby sit him as much. Possum is also doing really well with him and really likes Nick. I'm proud of my little boy (Possum).

Not a whole lot else is going on. Working as usual. Hanging at home most nights. It's raining hard today and all of tomorrow so I don't know if I'm gonna ride. I hate going from riding in the big outdoor where they are lots of jumps to riding in a much smaller indoor with minimal jumps and which is kinda dusty this time of year. I guess I'll decide when I get out of workt tonight. The dogs have been great. They bounce back and forth from my house to Nicks. Whenever I go over to visit him, he insists that the dogs come as well, I think it's just too cool that he gets along with my animals so much.

The other night I had a mini melt down. I was at Nicks and all of a sudden it just hit me that I was starting to have feelings for him and I didn't want to go down the same path that I went with Greg. I know that Greg and Nick are two different people, but it's really hard to trust someone right now, and I'm pretty sure that Nick does not feel the same as I do right now. That's not to say that he likes me and hanging out with me and is attracted to me, but the thought of actually getting together I don't think has entered his mind. I want to be more like that damnit! But I worked through it and luckily last night was my scheduled counseling appt. and I was ably to work through some of my mental blocks with her. I still feel kinda bad for wigging out on Nick, but if he really cares for me he'll over look it. We are still hanging out on a regular basis and it has yet to get old. He's such a great guy and really cares about a lot. He's goofy and crazy but he makes me happy right now so I'm gonna go with it as far as I can cause I need to be happy right now.

Other than that things are pretty much the same. We have some minor barn drama going on which is always interesting, but what barn doesn't have their moments. I think in the end things will work out to be good and maybe even better than they were with some tension eleviated. I can't wait for the summer and to take some time off and chill. I have some family coming to Maine to visit this weekend so I'll be hanging out with them some soon.

Why We Love Horses

2009-05-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

This is a question that most horse people either face on themselves or have other people ask them. Some people think that's it's genetic, passed down by other horse lovers in the family. We see this a lot especially on the showing circuit or children of trainers. As for me, I essentially have no one in my family that has been into horses nearly as much as myself.

My aunt on my dads side had two horses when she was a kid. She had no idea how to take care of them, no idea about worming or tack fit or even how to ride. They basically fed their quarter horse and Morgan and had a farrier slap some shoes on. She later sold the horses when she went to college. She didn't ride that often and usually only for novelty when family members or other friends wanted to ride. She begged my grandfather for a horse at the age when most girls do and he caved in and got her two for the price of one, lucky girl! When she bought her 2yo QH she sent it out for a month of "breaking" and got it back and then rode on trails. She didn't take lessons or study the different styles of riding. She didn't hem and haw over health and nutrition as most equine enthusiasts do today. Did her horses survive? Ofcourse, they did just fine and acted like normal happy horses. Do horse people today sometimes over analize horses and horse care, I tend to think so. We like to take the fun and romanticism out of owning and working with horses. Sure being knowledgable is a great tool, and especially knowing how to ride and handle horses is a great skill that not only ensures safety but can also prolong the longevity of the horse through fitness and nutrition. But why do we love horses so much?

For me I can't remember not ever loving horses, or wanting a horse. I read every book I could get my hand on, I was pressed at the car window looking for horses at farms we passed. I loved the smell of manure and would always lovingly dode over the horses at wagon rides or other occasions in public, secrety hoping to bond with the horse in just those few short minutes.

I remember that my elementary school had a sort of career day and one of the presentations you could go to was watching a farrier trim a horse. I signed both of my sessions up for that and watched with intense scrutinity. How they handled the horse, how the horse felt in my fingers, the dynamics of the hoof and especially staring deep into their eyes. At the end of the sessions I took out a little sandwuch bag and carefully picked up the hoof trimmings to bring home as a souvenir. It was about a week later that my mom came into my room and demanded to know what the awful smell was and found my bag of rotting hoof trimmings. They were promptly thrown out and the trash taken out of the house. I knew I loved horses. Every book report in school was about horses, every free writing story I did was on horses and every daydream was based on riding through open fields galloping over and over never getting tired and everything was great.

Never did I dream that I would end up owning a throw-away horse who was abused and hated people. He was not the striking beauty that I had always imagined, and his eyes remind me of those of Jaws. Sometimes I need to remind myself to just relax in the moment and not over analize everything. Ask the questions of why I love horses so much and what draws me to them. It doesn't matter what they look like, or even how they act (although that can help) A horse is a horse is a horse. I tell non-horse people all the time that it's a disease. It takes all of my time and money and energy but I wouldn't have it any other way. I believe that everyone has a passion in life. Some people havn't found it, other have and do nothing about it and there are those of us that are living our passion. Horses are my passion. Their hard work and can privide much frustration and anxiety. But we love them way more than they annoy us.

Possum and I have grown to love each other and have a very strong bond. It wasn't until Nick kinda took over duties on Possum and I had to catch other rides that I really started to miss him. Our training together has progressed over the years and we trust and respect each other, the two things that are always desired in an equine partner. Is he an amazing show horse? No. Do we have our issues, Ofcourse. But he's mine and I'm his and we both know it.

Because my parents did not advocate for me riding and being around horses, all the knowledge and experience I have gained has been through hard work and determination. I'm not a natural rider, not by a long shot, but I'm happy with the process that it's taken to get me there. I feel like I know horses and how they think and react and can get in their heads and understand for the most part why they do the things they do. It's a great feeling. I am by no means an expert and don't even think that I want a profession in horses. I'm afraid that if you make it too much like work you lose that child like mystique. Sometimes I catch myself galloping through open fields with a huge smile on my face and in complete zen and realize that I am living my childhood dream. It's those moments that I try and catch and hold onto. I think of those when I'm down and out about guys or feeling stressed at work and just plain feeling lonely. The times when I'm cantering through the woods with my friends and I'm laughing so hard that I almost fall off, those I cherish and will take with me everywhere. So when I get caught up in training schedules, and worming and shoeing schedules and showing frenzies, I sit back and remember the girl looking out the car window hoping for a glimpse of a horse and realize that I'm lucky every day to be doing what I do and living my dream.

Couple of Pics

2009-05-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

Snapped a quick picture of Possum as he was eating his dinner on loose priviledges around the farm. Now that it's spring he always gets some time loose on the farm to help out with the grazing duties. You can see he is really fit right now and has that nice flank muscle.

This is my Abby girl. I was sitting on the swing outside the arena and had to take this pic. She is such a sweetie. All of my dogs love going to the barn. Gotta love the four white tips of her feet. Looks like she walked through wet paint.

Feels Like Summer.....

2009-05-21T10:26:00.001-07:00

Today it's about 85 degrees and full blast sun. Yes I have to work all day and have been in and out of schools, but I'm at the college now to spend 3 hrs doing whatever I want. I brought a good book and if I get sick of that I also brought a DVD to watch on my lap top. Things have been good this week, busy but good. I've hardly been in the office this week between a meeting all day Tuesday and my normal school schedule. I am totally psyched for the long holiday weekend though. I'm going Saturday to cheer on a couple people from my barn at a fun show that they are bringing their green horses to. Their going to give their horses experience of being in the ring with others and to experience the atmosphere of a show. It should be fun and I'm excited to just help them out and chill in the outdoors.

I've been busy riding Possum lately. Nick hasn't been out to ride since Sunday so I've had Possum all to myself. We had a grueling work-out on Tuesday night which tells me that we have way more to do to perfect the 3ft courses. He loves to rush the jumps, as soon as he has his sights set on it it's almost impossible to take him off it. I try and mix it up with roll backs and broken lines. The one good thing about the ride is that I can feel my position getting stronger. My legs are tighter and my core strengthened. We have a big show coming up June 20th and I would really like to do well and not totally embarass ourselves.

Yesterday Possum and I and a boarder rode to the pond since he didn't know where it was. Yesterday was a picture perfect day weather wise. It was in the low 70's and clear with a slight wind in the air. Just gorgeous and a perfect day to be with my favorite horse. We went to the horses bellies in the pond and just let them relax and then headed back to the barn. We got in a nice gallop through a sloping field which just took my breath away. I think we were all having fun.

Nick and I have still been seeing each other almost on a daily basis. I don't believe we'll hang out tonight, but you never know with him. He has been very busy with work lately. His family owns a large marina and with Memorial weekend here everyone wants their boats ready and docks in the water. Poor boy is working over 13 hrs today. I think I might offerto bring him some dinner, but he might just pick something quick up on his way home. He said that his plans are to play PS3 soccer until he passes out, my guess is that will be about 10 minutes haha. Poor guy doesn't have a break this weekend either. I might need to do something special for him to cheer hin up, but not sure of what it is yet. Things are going well with us and I am trying very hard to take everything as just face value. We love hanging out with each other and talking. It's great to connect with someone like that again. I do believe that he is a genuine nice guy, but my radar has been off before so I'm still keeping an eye out.

Tonight my roomate and I are going to Home Depot and renting a carpet cleaner and cleaning all of the carpets in the apartment. Her dog has been sick lately and with a year's worth of dirt, throw-up occasionally and the rare accident on the floor it's well worth it to just get everything cleaned. Her dog has had major diarrhea and this is the best time to do it.

This weekend I am going to relax and do whatever my little heart desires. Horses, friends, maybe visit my parents and maybe a little quality time with Nick in between his busy schedule.

Back to the Grind

2009-05-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

Had a great weekend for the most part and now it's Monday and time to get back to work. I actually got up this morning without too much protest which was good. I have a full day ahead of me and am just wanting to get through the week cause next weekend is a three day weekend and Memorial Day, the official start of summer YEA!!!

Nick and I basically hung out all weekend except for Saturday. Friday I went over to his place to visit with a few of his friends before they went to the bar and then it was him and I and one of his friends left that did not go. I have to say that I was a little anxious about meeting all of the new people only knowing Nick, but this is the test for me to to get out of my comfort zone bubble and get out there and be social. It went well and I was proud of myself, but I was glad when ost of them left. we had a great time of tipping back a few beers and chatting, we are all big talkers so the conversation was easy. I obviously crashed at Nick's because I was not going to drive home after drinking. The next morning I got up early and went home and slept a few more hrs and then got up and went to the barn. Hung out there for a while and rode Possum and then went home to do laundry and pick up and watch the Preakness. Nick went to hang with his friends for the night. I was actually perfectly content watching movies on TV and hanging with the pups. Early the next morning (Sunday) Nik stopped in on his way home and hung out with me for a while. We made plans to go for a trail ride after he got a dock in the water, He showed up at the barn at about noon and he rode Possum again and I rode my roomate's horse who ended up being a royal bitch!! She tried taking off with me, getting the bit in her teeth and just being stupid. I was really angry and by the time she calmed down a little and actually started listening to me I had listers and cuts all over my hands. If it's one thing I can't stand it's rude horses who know how to behave but just don't to be bitchy.

Nick did really well. He's cantering and learning on keeping his butt in the saddle. He even tried jumping barrels on their sides yesterday. He didn't fall off but it wasn't pretty. The last time he tried he finally started to get the feel of it it. This kid is truly fearless. Later that night He invited me to go to his grandparents house for dinner and then to his parents to watch the Celtics game with his mom and dad and sister and her husband. It was at this point that I kinda started thinking, I know this always gets me in trouble. Who invites their just friend to their families house?? But Nick is different that's for sure. SO last night he asked that I stay over at his house, which I reluctantly did. I was tired and the thought of driving the 20 minutes home didn't seem fun. SO I stayed and we had a little chat. I'm trying very hard not to over analyze this whatever relationship this is. But the more time you spend with someone and have a good time with them the more my brain wants to make sense of it all.

I totally think that I was a salmon in my past life as I always love to go against the flow and right now I just need to go with the flow. It's hard to re-program me but Nick is cool and patient with me and I know he would never try to hurt me, so I just need to work through this on my own and let things lay as they will. Once again this morning after I went home and showered and were lettting the dogs out Nick called just to chat for half an hour. This is how nice and considerate this guy is. He's always thinking of me and wants the best for me and for me to be happy.

Not going to the barn tonight since I have to work at the college until 6p and I'm pretty tired as it is. Nick has already said that he is coming over tonight to use our washer and dryer since he doesn't have one at his apartment and to hang out with me. Just relax Molly, chill and let things happen instead of always trying to make things happen.

Yeah, it's FRIDAY!!

2009-05-15T08:54:00.001-07:00

I'm so excited it's the weekend. The weather is supposed to hold out for the most part and I can't wait to ride all weekend long. After I get out of work early this afternoon I might take a little snooze with the dogs and then head over to the barn. Nick asked if he could go for another trail ride tonight and I said sure. My hope is to get in a schooling session with Possum before the ride, but I don't want to tire him too much. It's been a few days since We've done any course work and we have our next really big show coming up June 20th. I was joking with Nick this morning that he needs to get another horse since I need to work mine. He took it all seriously and said that he could pay like everyone else to ride the farms horses. I reassured him that that wasn't necessary and that Possum really seemed to like him and it was a good match. I told him that little rides by him will not hurt Possum at all, actually Possum might like the break in mental stimulation. Nick said that as soon as he gets betetr riding he'll work Possum for me, I had to grin at that one.

My roomie left last night to drive to Virginia and she texted me this morning and said that she made it safe and sound. The house has been quiet without her and her dog. I'm just totally jumping out of my skin and chomping at the bit to get going this weekend. I'm totally free meaning that I'm not even on call which is great since it feels like I've been on call for the hotline a lot lately.

Possum should be all rested with having 2 days off and ready to go tonight. There are lessons going on until 8p tonight so it will be fun to watch and have people around. Who knows, maybe Nick and I will hang out after the barn, although I vaguely remember him saying that he was having a friend come stay with him tonight. Usually that doesnt matter and he's always asking me to come over. We'll see.

I'm bummed ebcause my half chaps zipper has finally shit the bed. I need to buy more which isn't a huge deal but it's still gonna cost me like $40 which is hard for me right now. Horses come first I guess. Nick has even wrestled up a pair of used men's Ariat half chaps that he's gonna wear from now on. He figured that out really quick after we came back from our trail ride and the inside of his calfs were rubbed raw from the stirrup leathers. He's tough, he can handle it. Also going to watch the Preakness this weekend. Should be interrestering. I'm more of a Breeders Cup gal than a triple crown, but you can't help but get hyped from other people. Just wish they wouldn't race those babies so young, wait one more year would ya???

Well have a great day everyone. Get on and work those ponies. I notice that Possum is bulging in muscle and nice and lean. He has the nice line of muscle on his flanks. His butt is well defined. His poll and top line are all nicely rounded out and his endurance is just amazing. I love my horse. Even though he is a throw away downhill mutt of a man killer it just goes to show you that with proper training, diet and mental stimulation any horse can look half way decent.

Thursdays Suck

2009-05-14T11:00:00.000-07:00

Sorry bout the negative title, but I hate Thursdays, always have and always will. Wednesday is the middle of the week, Friday is obviously Friday and one step away from the weekend, but Thursday just sucks. It doesn't help that I am also bored out of my mind right now. I'm sitting at my office at the college with nothing to do since no kids ever come to talk to me. I play on the computer, read and catch up on paperwork, BORING!

Went to the barn last night. Didn't ride cause I had a dr's appt and got their late, plus it was really windy and cold. I videoed someone's lesson and just hung out. I went to the pasture to visit Possum. He actually moved away from the round bale to come chill with me which was cool. I tried to go to bed early last night, but I just couldn't sleep, I tossed and turned and was just in this in-between state. I'm kinda dragging ass today with little motivation. Maybe a quick nap after work will re energize me. My roomate is going to drive to Virginia for 3 days so the house is going to be really quiet and lonely. I have a feeling Nick will be over some to hang out, but it's still not the same as your girlfriend to chat with.

The weather was great this morning, sunny and warm, but now it is overcast and windy and threatening rain. I hate to say it, but I think I might skip going to the barn and just hang with my roomie before she leaves tonight. Nick also might be stopping by later. He is a disc golf fanatic and wants to get in a few rounds after he gets out of work. I think it's cool that he loves doing it so much and he's always asking me to go with him, but I'm usually at the barn. Maybe this weekend I'll go.

As for the trail ride the other night it was totally awesome!!! Possum was great with Nick which is something I was nervous about. Aragon was his usualy hyper self. We got to one point in the trail that you have to go around a snowmobile bridge and go down a little gully and cross a little brook and then a steep hill and a sharp right to avoid the trees. Aragon flat out refused to budge. This is not like his usual brave self. Possum did it like 6 times with Nick as I tried to put Aragon up his butt, even tried leading him from Possum but he wasn't having any of it. Finally after much persistence and lots of praise with every foot he stepped forward he took the plunge with me on foot. My only concern was that he would jump on my while trying to jump the brook, but he was very respectful and we were able to continue our ride. Nick did amazingly well and went along like a trooper being the total beginner he was. We did get to canter a little uphill and he did great only losing his stirrups once. I need to get him to keep his butt in the saddle though, he likes to do a sort of two point position crouching over the saddle, I see a true jumper in his future hahaha. We were out for about 2 hrs and Nick was obviously sore. Both horses though went right into the big pond. I think Aragon didn't really realize what it was, but I got him in there before his TB brain could take over and then he just said cool after. This is the first time he has been in deep water up to his belly and he did great. He's going to make me a great trail horse this summer for sure. The other good thing was that Aragon, being a stallion was great with Possum, they could even touch and they were fine. Definately a plus for a trail horse with balls haha.

Nick was smiling ear to ear when we got back to the barn and then continued to practice his cantering in the outdoor arena. I told him the more he practices and gets better he's gonna surpass me soon. We have plans for another ride tomorrow night which will be cool and the weather is supposed to be a lot warmer and nicer. I'm so glad that I found Nick as a friend, he isjust what I need right now.

I also found out stuff about Greg. He is definately dating this other girl, big deal. I still have heard no word from him which I am starting to feel happy about. Apparantly he told someone which got back to me that he feels bad about the whole situation and just didn't know what to do so just stopped talking all together (real mature) I guess he has plans to rekindle the friendship once the dust has settled, but I think I'm all set. You just don't treat your friends like that and I don't need his confusion and lack of healthy communication in my life. I'm a good person who consistently puts others ahead of myself and then I end up feeling empty and hurt. I'm working on myself right now and beng happy and hanging with my friends.

Well that's about all. Just bored and tired today. Can't wait for the weekend and the barn and fun stuff to happen that I can't even plan yet. Have a great day everyone.

Things are Progressing Forward

2009-05-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

Things are going about the same as I wrote about the other day. This past weekend was a lazy one for me. The weather wasn't the greatest and Saturday had the most sunshine. I got dressed in my riding clothes and basically hung at the barn all day and didn't even manage to ride one single horse! I helped a couple people video their rides and just chilled. It felt really nice. Sunday was Mothers Day and it was rainy, but my roomie and I decided to go to my parents house on the motorcycle which is a good 50 min ride one way. It was an adventure and totally worth it. We went to eat at a good restaurant and then zipped home later in the afternoon. I then had to go to the work office for a little bit and just do some emails and stuff. I went back home and Nick came over to stay the night and we watched the Celtics game which was a nail biter.

Nick and I have been seeing a ton of each other lately and it's great. I'm up his ass, and he's up my ass and we don't get sick of each other, awesome. He's so funny and makes me laugh all the time and reminds me when I get too serious and keeps me in line. We have a good time. We'll talk all night long about anything and everything, go to sleep for a few hrs and wake up still talking right where we left off. Again I'll say that I have met my match when it comes to chatting and it's great. I am maintaining the emotional barrier well so far.

Went to the barn and rode Possum last night just for a flat ride. Worked on some suppling and flying changes. I just was having an off riding day and decided to take it easy. Nick suprised me by showing up for like half an hr before he had to go to a family birthday party which was cool. Nick did manage to get in 30 min practice riding Possum last Friday which was good. His posting is becoming perfected and he's really starting to find his center of balance. He has a real desire to learn which is cool. Tonight after work him and I are going to attempt a trail ride to the pond, the place which is the pic from my main page. Without cantering and minimal trot it'll probably take 2 hrs round trip. He's totally down with going. I'm going to be riding Aragon and him Possum so it should be interesting. I can't wait, it's calling for a hit or miss shower this afternoon and I hope it misses us. I need a nice trail ride with a good friend. Work has been crazy busy and it's gonna be good to recharge my batteries. Have a great day everyone.

Dare I say I'm happy right now??!!

2009-05-08T08:08:00.000-07:00

Yes you heard it right. I am pretty happy with everything in my life right now. Sure there is always room for improvement and wiggle room, but things are pretty good. I rode Possum Wed night and did lots of flat and then trotted 2'6" fences working on my position and maintaining a solid leg connection. I was not happy with the results. I would either have grip in my calf and not thighs, or my back would round slightly. Then when it seemed I was getting it, Possum would land heavy and yank the reins to have me support him instead of sitting up himself. It was quite frustrating and I was a little angry with myself. My legs have always been my strong suit. Their usually rock solid and don't move over any size fence. Sure cantering is a lot easier than trotting bigger fences, but it should stay the same. So after that ride I went out last night and took the sturrups right off my saddle. It was do or die time. I did lots of sitting and posting trot until my legs burned so bad tears came to my eyes. I cantered some and then trotted fences. My upper thighs were on fire. It sucked, but I knew if it hurt it was working. I practiced cantering tight figure eights and then after about 30 minutes my body couldn't do it anymore. I literally slid to the ground and my legs groaned in protest. Possum just looked at me like "that's it for today, are you kidding me".

Suprisingly this morning I wasn't too stiff. I definately feel it and when I bring my legs together it's sore. I made a mental note to myself that I need to ride without stirrups atleast once a week until my legs get stronger. I'm also working on my automatic releases to strengthen my core so I don't depend on the crest release as much and am more free with my hands over the jump and quicker to gather him since he loves to get heavy and strong on the landings. Always a work in progress.

Been feeling stronger emotionally too lately. Starting to get over the hurt feelings that I have been feeling for Greg. I hear more and more things that he is doing with this girl, all things that we had done together and it's not as bad as it has been. My new friend Nick and I are having a great time hanging out and have been seeing each other almost every night this week. I think he's going to the barn tonight when he's done work to ride and hang for about an hr and then has things to do. That's OK, I'm kinda tired from all the late nights talking anyways. He makes me feel good and helps me get over the hurt from my past. He's just a really good friend right now and I feel like we can be completely honest with each other. No games and crap, just life and talking about it which he loves to do as much as I do.

Ao after work this afternoon gonna hang at the barn. Gonna try and ride Aragon first before Nick comes over. It's been rainy and cloudy for the past few days and today it's partly sunny to that helps to lift the spirits. Have a great day everyone and don't forget about Mothers Day on Sunday, I still need to get a card oops...

Just relaxing

2009-05-05T15:49:00.000-07:00

So it's Tuesday evening and all is quiet. I actually made my own dinner tonight, cleaned up and am now sipping on hard cider, my favorite adult beverage. I have been in a cleaning mood lately. The other day at the barn I decided to tackle my mess of a tack trunk and try and organize everything now that it's deep into spring and show season is under way. I actually decided to take notice of all of the things I have and it's startling. I am a saddle pad whore, literally. I love to collect saddle pads. Because I marshall the races in the fall I am always looking for colored pads to match outfits and such. I have mint green pads, lots of white pads both square and fittted. Pink, brown, green, plaid, blue and others. I actually took a count and there is 22 in total!!! Because I marshall the races I also have lots of polo wraps. Purple, pink, white, black, green and red. Ofcourse every one was not wrapped so I sat down and wrapped them all and put them in their place. I put my collection of bits in a spot as well that is easily accessible. Then folded all of my sheets and blankets, quarter sheets and coolers and placed them in the trunk. I organized my horse shampoos and supplies. Got out bug nets and put them on top to grab when I need and also rain sheets near the top. Bits of leather pieces such as standing and running martingales, lead shanks, his nice leather halter and spare leads all went to the bottom. Lastly I put all of Possum's boots together. Splint boots, galloping boots and open front jumping boots and shipping boots. Man do I have a lot of stuff, you would think that I own a whole herd of horses instead of one rescue appy. I swept up my space, got out all of my liquids such as Show Sheen, bug spray, saddle soap and conditioner and put them on the shelf above my saddle. I think I'm finally ready for the summer. Any bets on how long my space will stay neat hahaha.

Next I've been cleaning at home. My room has slowly become a mountain of clean and dirty clothes and old mail. I weeded everything out today, Washed and folded all of my clothes and towels, washed my bedding and put it all back together. Washed the surfaces in my room and threw out all the trash. Lastly I vacuumed everything. Sometimes I feel better when my things are clean and organized. I can let it go for a while and then I have these cleaning sprees and just have to get it done.

I'm not going to the barn to ride tonight. The weather is really crappy this week and Possum had a little swelling on his right front foreleg that I'm not sure how it happened. The person that feeds said that he and a mare got into it a little the other day and he may have stepped wrong or bumped something with it. It's not a big deal but it is a little puffy and slightly warm to the touch in one spot so I don't want to push it.

Not a whole lot else is going on. I pretty sure I'm going to bed early tonight since my new friend and I have been hanging out a lot and we get to talking and never go to bed, it's kinda nice but it's catching up with me now. Ofcourse no word from Greg, which I expect. My new friend knows Greg a little and has been great in giving me advice from a guy's perspective. It was also nice to hear him say last night that Greg definately passed up on a cool girl. I'm actually just starting to believe that myself now.

Gonna try and ride tomorrow night as long as Possum's leg is all better. Just going to work on the flat and get back to some basics and maybe work on some flying changes. My roomie also just bought a new camera so hopefully will have more pics to post soon which will be cool.