Monday, October 20, 2008

I'm Alive!

Sorry to worry everyone. Once I left work on that Friday I havn't had any internet access and had a very bad riding accident on Sunday as some of you have heard. On a positive note, I did get the job!!! Out of over 20 applicants I won them all over.

As for the accident, it was a mojor accident and poor timing and communication. As I blogged about before; we went to a boarders house for a fun day of food games and horses and it turned almost deadly during the dash race. I'm OK, I broke the T6 vertebre in my back. After 8 days I am still in a good deal of pain. I was supposed to start my new job today but simply couldn't. They were great and really understood the situation. I'm going to call my new boss Wednesday but she doesn't expect me to start until next Monday since I am still mostly bed ridden. I see a surgeon this week about possible surgery but they don't expect right now that it will be necessary.

My roomate was also involved in the accident and she didn't break anything, but she got pretty banged up and the other man involved dislocated his shoulder and has a fracture in his shoulder, I'm hoping that he heals quickly.

I'm not going to go into too much detail of the accident itself since a lot of people from the barn read this and I guess there is still some controversy but I do want to set the record straight here. At no time did I mean to put myself, my horse, other people or others at risk AT ALL!!! It was an accident that happened at about a speed of 40MPH and everything just went wrong. It was no one's fault and I believe that no one is to blame, Hell I didn't even want to be the first to race but reluctantly did so. The horses involved are doing just fine and will make a quick and speedy recovery. From what I hear Possum was galloping around his pasture which makes me happy. I will say that through this there has been some tension at the barn which makes me very very sad. I wake up almost every night and run the events through in my mind and it just keeps coming out the same. The people who I thought were my bestest friends and biggest supporters have really let me down in this time of need. I am very sad about this and have tears in my eyes as I write this. The accident happened in a matter of seconds and I had to make some quick decisions on my welfare, my horses and others. I can say that as I was approaching the horse who then backed 3 steps up directly in my path, my only thought was to not hit the horse and rider in the middle becaise it would kill them for sure. I saw a brief opening to go around as far as I could since there was also a horse racing on my left and just as we were going by the horse backed and we collided into the hind end. It sent me sailing several feet in the air doing all kinds of acrobatics and I landed on my back and then my hip and left side. I never lost consciosness and remember the entire thing. I had no idea that any other people were hurt since I was face up and could not breathe. It was so bad that the police were called because they thought I might die and kept saying things like "her pupils are fixed and dialated" and "she won't breathe". How someone could get angry or mad at a situation like that I will never know. I have spoken to all the people involved in the crash and they are doing well. But I will never forget the sickening sound of a horse colliding with another and the silence of flying through the air. My horse literally flipped over causing the horse running next to us to lose her footing and go down with my roomate. It was a mess and something that I hate to keep thinking about.

Throughout all of this my roomate and "G" have been wonderful supports. They have had to bathe me and take me to the bathroom. Help me up from bed and do things for me, I will be forever grateful for their help and support. Things with "G" are great and he has really risen to the occasion. After I was released from the hospital the next day he was there to take me to his house and help me up the stairs. He bought a brand new TV to put in the bedroom for me to watch. He gave me my medicines and rubbed my head until I fell asleep and now has been a shoulder to cry on through all of this. I guess through all of this you really know who has your back (literally). I have a lot of emotions running through me and don't even feel comfortable visiting the barn due to the tension. I miss my horse but can't even lead him out of the pasture because of my back and hip. I'm here at my parents house as this is one of the first days I can drive on my own. I don't even want to go back home and lay in bed alone listening to the silence of my phone not ring.

But just wanted to say hi to all my blogger friends and let you know that I'm expected to make a full recovery and will be back on and riding in 3 months or so. Don't know when I'll have internet again but I am getting a new laptop with my job so hopefully by next week I'll be back on. Thanks everyone for your positive thoughts, prayers and well wishes, they are greatly appreciated.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Tables Have Turned

Isn't life funny when things seem to change over night, or atleast it seems that way. As I have posted before "G" and I have been doing really really well lately. He is the "G" I know and love. Alcohol has not been an issue in many weeks and he is loving and nice and considerate etc... Me on the other hand is having a hard time adjusting to all this good. Isn't this what I wanted for so long? Why then am I acting like a selfish little brat who wants everything her way. I've been seeing him when it's convenient for me, and if something else comes up I'm quick to shuffle him down the list knowing that he'll be there when I'm done. It's not nice and I need to do something quick!

He actually sat me down the other night and told me how he was feeling and felt like I was shitting on him. Well I was, but I wasn't meaning to. He talked about the future long term and what he wants from me. What he was saying made perfect sense and was something that I also wanted. So why was I acting like this? I finally had the guy I wanted for so long and now I was just taking advantage of him. I thought about it for quite a while yesterday and tried to dissect my feelings. I called him from work and asked him if I could stay the night after my going away party at work, he said yes, but asked if this was what I really wanted or because I was trying to make it up to him, I told him it was what I really wanted.

The party was great last night and we even got to play some Guitar Hero which is always a blast. I finally realized at 7P that my dogs probably had their legs crossed and were waiting for me to come home so they could go pee. I rushed home and immediately let them out to do their thing. I then packed a few things, said bye to my roomate and went to "G's". I had called him earlier and he was with his friend over on the look out up the road just talking. "G" never just talks, what a change! I made sure to be very nice and keep my ears open to what he was saying last night. I have a tendency to hear what he says and then just let it go out the other ear, again not on purpose, but I need to work on that. We played with the dogs and gave them love and then laid in bed and relaxed. We talked a little more about our status and what he wants from this. I told him that I loved him and even if I am mean or rude to him, I don't mean it and sometimes it's good to have a reality check on how I'm acting. He said that he wasn't mad or anything that I've made horse plans all weekend, but just feels like he's getting passed down the to do list. I agreed that things have been hard with my job and just dealing with changes in our relationship. I'm trying so hard not to be the clingy no life person I was before, but also be independent and do things that make me happy. I need to find a balance between the two. He really understood how I was feeling and the struggles I was going through. I apologized for treating him not so nice and that he was right in calling me out on it. We were silent for a minute or so and then he rolled over and gave me a huge hug and just held me and said that he loved me. It felt good, it felt right. We turned out the lights and just let sleep come to us.

I'm at work now on a Thursday with really nothing to do, just waiting for my time to be up on Friday. The interview went really well I think yesterday. I stayed right on track with my grooming speeck, making sure to make eye contact with everyone and asking if anyone had any questions. At the end I asked them how many people they had ocme back for second interviews and they daid "Many". My heart sank as I heard that. I really want this job, and have kinda put all my eggs in one basket. I had a nightmare last night that I didn't get the job and had no money and had to move out of the apartment. I think I'm going to look for more jobs today and send in some resumes.

Tonight I'm going to the barn after work. Havn't decided yet if I'm going to ride Possum or Moonshine. Probably willd ecide when I'm changing at home getting my chaps on. I'm leaning more towards Possum, but we'll see.

I've tried not to think about this much lately, but I am in need of some better finances, bad. I'm thinking of picking up some chores at the barn to help take money off my board. I don't make that much money to begin with, and I'm been straying from my budget putting a blind eye to my checking account. I need to step it up and be responsible and really start to watch my spending. Meaning the most money I spend is on food. I hate cooking and will almost always order a sandwich or something instead of cooking. This needs to stop and next week I'm going grocery shopping and not buying another piece of food for the week.

Well that's about it for today. Nothing really interesting, just kinds talking out loud. Just kinda tired today, not because I didn't get enough sleep, but just stress and money and job ending tomorrow, it really takes a toll. But I have a fun horsey weekend to look forward to so that should be good. Have a great day everyone.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Interview Wednesday among other things

Sorry I havn't written in a while, I've been busy at work here finishing up my job duties before my last day on Friday. I can say for the first time since starting this job that I am ALL CAUGHT UP!! I did my last closing last night and now it's cleaning the office and breaking down a file, easy stuff. I have also been busy outside of work. I got a call Monday afternoon that the Sexual Assault Center would like me to come back for a second interview. I was tickled and excited. They asked me to come up with a 5-10 minute presentation on anything of my choice, they even said they didn't care if it was on baking a cake. SO ofcourse I decided to do it on something horsey, the proper way to groom a horse. I went home from work last night and washed and scrubbed all my brushes and cleaned out my brush box. I had a little caked on manure to the side of it when Possum decided to take a poop almost into the box. I figured I'd clean that up so that I didn't offend anyone. Sometimes I take regular "civilians" for granted and their not as used to manure as us horse folks.

I got some note cards together, not that I need them, but to make sure I stay on track and focused. I'm handing out a little diagram of a horse with the basics labeled like hoof, wither, tail, ears, face etc... Again wanted to dumb it down to that the least horsey person could follow along and understand what is being talked about. So that is at 3:15 today and I'm a little nervous but excited. As long as I keep my focus and talk like I normallly do I'll be just fine. Wish me luck anyways....

Monday night after work I wasn't going to ride since I was still recovering from this cold, but my roomie was going and I couldn't resist since I feel like I've been neglecting Possum lately and I knew I would be busy this week. PLus I wanted to give the dogs a chance to run around and play. I gave Possum a good brushing and was amazed at how fuzzy his hair had gotten in just a little under a week. We were racing the daylight so I did a nice long warm-up for him to loosen up and then went into our normal routine. We worked on some flying changes and he was great. I did a lot of transitions and then we started trotting and then cantering little fences working on adding in a stride and then taking a stride out of a line. He did really well. Then at the end my roomie and I for kicks took turns jumping out of the arena which is lined with PVC poles at about 3ft and a little. He did great and sailed right over it no problems. I let him cool out for a while and gave him a good rub down and then let him loose to eat grass while I put stuff away and talked with people.

I have decided last minute that I'm going with a friend on Saturday to a local club show. It's fun, no real pressure and just an open type show with some little jumping in the afternoon. I thought it would be a fun end of the show season event. Not sure if I'm bringing Possum or Moonshine, we'll find out tomorrow night when I go to the barn and ride.

Then Sunday we are all trailering our horses to a boarders house close to the barn. Every year she has a little cook out and games at her house. She makes jumps in her field and has a dirt road for the yearly race on horseback. She also has miles and miles of beautiful trails. It's a potluck lunch an so far the weather is looking good. It'll be a really fun time to visit with barn people and their families. Anyone related to the barn is invited even if they don't ride or own a horse.

SO I havea busy week and weekend end. The good thing is that I have all next week off regardless of what happens this week. I'm looking forward to a break. My roomate is possibly looking into a new saddle and either Wednesday or Thursday of next week we're going to Dover Saddlery in NH to try saddles and look and drool over the items in the huge store. I love that place and I don't mind the 2 and a half hr drive to get there. I just can's spend ANY money because I'm broke! I still need to pay board and that's gonna have to wai tuntil next pay period. Oh man I hope I get this job. Thank goodness this little show on Saturday is super cheap.

So that's about it for today. I'm just finishing up here at work and going to clean my office which desperately needs it. Dreaming of being at the barn instead. Oh, after work tonight we are all going to a co0workers house for a little going away party for myself and the other worker here so I'll have dinner there. I'm also planning on bringing Phineous inon Friday for my last day, what are they gonna do, fire me??!! Have a great day everyone. Now that read this post I can't believe how busy I actually am. I guess I kinda have a life and it revolves around my horse and animals, I love it.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Ride Em Cowgirl! (literally)

What a great weekend I had! Despite this nasty cold still hanging around I had a blast through the coughing and hacking. Friday night was a hoot. We went to the haunted ski area and it was so much fun and scary that I was literally hanging off my roomate. I screamed so hard that it did not help my cold or my voice at all. We then went out for ice cream after and then drove home where I basically collapsed from exhaustion. I slept in my old room on my twin bed, it was a tight squeeze with me and three dogs but we kept each other warm.

The next moring I got up early to help my mom with my cousins wedding shower and get ready. The shower was OK, not the highlight of my weekend, but I got through it. Then we headed to the fair where I bet on some of the races, met up with some of my racing friends and hung with my family. My family didn't really walk around and see much so I felt like I hadn't seen everything, I had plans to go back the next day with someone or even by myself. I ended up picking some winners at the races and went through only the swine barn, but did pig out on food. I had pizza, apple crisp, cotton candy and my favorite french fries on the grounds. By 7P I was tired and missing "G" as I had promised to stay at his house Saturday night. I had to walk basically the mile back to my parents truck as they were going to leave later in my moms car. I stopped and switched to my car at my parents, packed the dogs and all of our stuff and drove the hour to my apartment. I then packed a few things and went to "G's" to spend the night. I was so tired and I went right to sleep as he was still watching TV. He was so sweet and rubbed my back and just held me all night. We got up kinds early Sunday and went to breakfast with my family before they drove and flew back home. "G" and I then drive to the fair where we spent a really good day together. We have some similiar interests so we went through all the barns and went in some expo buildings and then in the evening we watched the truck pulls which is always a favorite of mine. It marks the end of the fair and the fair season here in Maine.

Now your probably wondering about my pics. This is a steer named Hercules. I was talking to a man in one of the barns for a while and we got to talking about riding cows. He asked me to try it and hop on and I couldn't resist. The steer weighed 2,654 lbs. He was a gentle giant with some amazing strength. He was a very good boy at 4 yrs old and it was a pleasure to say that I rode him. I was smiling ear to ear and "G" took some of these shots from my phone. What a difference in the gaits as well riding one of these guys. It was hard to not use my legs in steering and using the Gee and Haw commands which I am not used to. Just wanted to share these pics with you guys. I had so much fun. Now hopefully today or tomorrow I'll find out if I get the job I interviewed for or not. Keep your fingers crossed. SO my plans today are to get the rest of my work done, go hone tonight and maybe see my horse since I feel like I'm neglecting him and do some laundry as it has piled up suddenly. Hope everyone had a good weekend to. I'm off to work

Friday, October 3, 2008

Ready.. Set...Go!

This pic is of Moonshine and I last fall. This is one of my favorite pics of us. It was a crisp fall day and we we were just out cantering in the outdoor ring.

That's how I'm feeling about my upcoming weekend, and it's good to be busy. I went to the barn last night and let Possum out to graze after he had his dinner. I took the opportunity to give him a good brushing while he was eating. Even though he was still clean and fluffy underneath, he did have some dirt on his coat. I picked his feet and let him be. I hung out with my horsey friends and then went inside the owners house to watch the video that was taken of a show a few months ago. This was the show where Possum galloped around and tried to jump a jump when we were doing our ending courtesy circle.

Well after watching the video, it was much worse riding it then watching it. Sure there were a few chip ins and times when he would get speedy, but nothing like the speed show it felt like on top of his back. I felt a little better about our progress over the summer even though I didn't show him nearly as much as I wanted to for the sheer lack of funds. After watching the video I loaded up the dogs and we drove to our hometown. I spoke with "G" on the phone and he decided to come over when he got home and took a shower and asked that I order pizza and he'll pick it up on his way. He was being so nice and sweet and I know we're both in the same boat financially that I ordered it and paid for it. He came over shortly after and was all nice saying that I didn't have to pay for it and he was going to. It just felt like the right thing to do. I kinda got a rough nights sleep due to three dogs, one cat and a boy in my bed. I may complain about it now, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I love all of my animals and they love me too. We're just a big happy family. I went about my normal routine this morning of letting the girls out to pee first and then taking a shower and getting dressed and then taking all of them out for their normal session. I refilled their food and water dishes, gave them each a kiss bye and left for work.

I have a busy day ahead of me. I'm finishing up everything at work, need to get out a little early to switch laundry over and pack all of mine and the dogs stuff for staying the night at my parents house. I'm meeting my roomie at the police dept. and then we're going to my parents house, dropping the dogs off and going to the haunted ski area. AFter that we'll probably grab a late dinner and then I'll go to my parents house and Holli will drive home.

The next morning is my cousins shower and then we're all going to the fair together. Saturday night the dogs and I are staying at "G's" and then Sunday I'm going to the fair to go to the races. It's a weekend packed full, but it's all things that I enjoy. I told Possum last night that he's getting the weekend off and to rest and eat, I think he'll take my advice. Then next week is my last week of employment and then I have a week off to relax and destress. I also should know about the job early next week which I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I have also been toying with the idea of attending a local jumper and equitation show. I usually like to end the show season wil a bang and just have fun and do our thing. I think more seriously about it when I've paid all of my bills for the first of this month and see what's up.

So have a great weekend everyone, the weather is supposed to be nice here and I'm going to tke full advantage. SO what are all your plans for the weekend? does it involve any riding?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Great start to the day.....

Well I feel worse today than yesterday sick wise. I went home last night and vacuumed the apartment and did laundry and then laid in my bed for the rest of the night. My throat was burning and my chest felt like it had a 50 pound weight on it. I didn't even have thoughts of going to the barn. Myy roomie came home and felt bad for me so gave me a fresh picked apple that she got at work. Then "G" called me and heard how miserable I sounded. He said that he would take a shower, drive back to work where he had some medicine and then drive to my apartment to get it to me because he loves me that much. This is a HUGE gesture from him. He showed up about an hour later and took care of me and put me to bed. He even stayed the night with me and all my germs. I'm really starting to think that things might be going in a good direction for once.

I got up fairly early because I have a busy day here at work. I got some tea on the way to a visit to try and get my voice back and dislodge some of the gunk in my throat (I know, Yuck!) I made it through the visit, got some more tea to bring back to the office and go to check my mail and find that I have won a plaque from cdncowgirl . What a suprise that was. I have been so busy lately that I hardly nominated anyone. I just wanted to take this time to thank all of my great and wonderful blog friends. Never do I think that people care much about my story of horses and men, and never would I imagine that someone would care enough to nominate me for a prize. It really does make me feel great and restore my faith in humanity.

I knew there was a reason that I love horse people so much. Not to say that all my blog readers are horse people per say, but what a great bunch of folks I have for support out there in internet land. I'm going through another tough transition in my life right now. It seems that once I'm over one hurdle another one pops up. But with my added supports and techniques learned throughout the journey I know I can handle pretty much anything that life throws at me.

I have an interview today at 3P. Even though my voice is shot and my nose is plugged I'm going to go and do my best. I have more visits today but am going to look at the positive side of things. Even clients that I tell I'm leaving really have a genuine reaction and ask me how I'm going to be. I tell them I'm going to be fine and that they will see me out in the community. You never really seem to know how many lives you've touched unless something like this happens. Usually many people don't know until they die or have a huge illness. I;m lucky, I only have a cold, I have my animals and family and internet friends and barn friends all cheering me on.

My brother is in town from Hollywood California and staying with my parents for a week to go to the A fair that we grew up next to, the largest fair in Maine. Friday we're going to a ski area for a haunted house and have to take the chair lift up in the dark to the top of the mountain where all the spooky thing sare, which sounds like a blast and my roomate is going with me. I have a lot to look forward to.

I don't know if I'll make it to the barn tonight, It's raining here again but the outlook for the rest of the week looks good. I'm gonna get as much rest as I can I have a busy weekend coming up. My cousin from Virginia is coming to Maine to my parents house to have her wedding shower. She's only 23 and I can't believe she's getting married. She and her finance really are in love and I hope only the best for them. After the shower we're all going to the fair. I'm going to bet on some of the STB races and hopefully see some of my race friends too. It'll be good to see some of my family I only get to visit with once in a while. Have a great day everyone, and remember even when your down or feel like your all alone, your not. Here's the song for the day.