Wednesday, November 26, 2008

musings on growing up....

Why is it that playing was so easy as a kid and everything was always new and exciting and filled with wonder. Do we really have to lose this as we get older?! Sure as an adult you have tons of responsibility and bills and planning and jobs and family etc... Sometimes I will get that feeling that I used to get when I was younger, especially around horses; like my senses are heightened. The sweet smell of their breath, the touch of their fur, their gentle breathing and the feel of whiskers on your cheek as you lean in for a soft kiss. These are all things that I sometimes take for granted and just go about my daily duties. I remember how excited I used to get to even just see and touch horses nevermind ride them. I want to bring things back to the way they used to be.

I don't want to walk around all day murmuring about schedules and meetings and money and what to have for dinner that night. I want to take every minute as something new and a challenge and even an adventure. For example, I'm dreading going to Boston with my parents for Thanksgiving because of the long drive and the fact that they set their speed control on the highway to 65 which happens to be the exact speed limit. I'm just thinking about what time I'm gonna be home and the hassle of the day in general. Flash back to about 15 yrs ago. I would have been jumping out of my seat to hang with my cousins and visit and chat. I would have begged my parents to leave earlier and come home later. Why does it have to be like this when we get older?

My goal as of now is to try and get some of those feelings back. Focusing on having fun and not taking days for granted just to get to another one. I want to take my riding back to the basics and continue to work on my relationship with my horse and have fun. I don't want to get all caught up in training and showing as it takes the personal aspect of riding and horse ownership. I want to take things back to when I was a kid while also juggling the responsibilities of an adult. Can it work? I don't know but stay tuned.

As for the daily dish. My roomie left to go up north to visit with family last night. Yesterday was her birthday and the idiot didn't even tell me until that night because she doesn't want to make a big deal of it, whatever! So we went and had a quick dinner before she hit the road. I spent some time with the dogs and then went to Greg's and spent the night. We had a good time chatting and teasing one another. The more time I spend with him the more I like him every day. He even made the comment to me last night about the fact that I'll get sick of him sooner or later. I actually took offense to that as it is the complete opposite of how I feel. I just need to remember to cool my jets and take it a day at a time, as mentioned above. I tend to like to get ahead of myself. It's like reading the last chapter of a book. Sure you know what happens at the end, but you miss out on all the good stuff in the middle and the actual story itself. Why do I do this to my life? Anyways, enough heavy thinking. I'm gonna get back to work and enjoy the next 4 days of a great family holiday.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Welcome to Maine!

Got up bright and eary this morning from a really good nights sleep and look outside and it is a slushy, snowy, rainy and most of all icy mess! "shit" I say outloud to no one in particular except my black cat Shadow who is resting comfortably on the bed looking at me in a mocking tone for the fact that he can stay all snuggled up in bed and I need to go to work. I slowly ambled to the shower with towel in hand. To make matters worse I have a scratchy throat and a stuffy nose. I'd be lying if I said the thought of staying home didn't cross my mind. I stayed extra long in the shower soaking up all the hot water that I could. Due to the conditions of the road I knew I had to give myself some extra time so hurried through my morning routine. The dogs were with "G" due to a funeral today so I was able to save time on not letting them out. I went out to start my car in my robe and quickly dressed and drove the 20 min to my first school by 7:30am.

Last night I stopped home and let all the dogs out to go to the bathroom and then packed all 4 of them up in my car and I headed to my parents to pick up Possum's hood to attach to his blankiet since the barn owner called yesterday to let me know she had just trace clipped him. I went and had a little dinner at my parents, picked up the hood and drove to the barn. I got Possum out and gave him a good grooming. His trace clip looked really good. There's nothing like the attractiveness of a half clipped appy, but what can you do. I could tell he was hyper as he was daqncing in the cross ties and snaking his head around. I out the chain on him and led him to the indoor. I hopped on bareback and couls immediately feel the electricity coursing through his body. His back was tight as a drum and wouls hunch up at tje slightest moment. He was doing all he could do to behave. I walkewd hin for about 10 minutes and tried a little trot. he pranced sideways and shook his head and arched it to almost touching his neck. I made the decision to get off and let him play a little on the lunge since there was a olesson going on and I couldn't just turn him loose. He took off after I clipped the line and moved him into the circle. I had to smile and chuckle as he squealed and farted. He wasn't being bad and I knew he just couldn't hold onto all that energy any longer. I softly thanked him for not exploding when I was on him. He quicly settled down and I put him through his paces in both directions.

I then walked him back to the barn and gave him another good brushing and put both of his new boankets on plus his hood. The weather I knwe was supposed to be nasty for the next few days so I wanted to make sure he was plenty warm enough especially after being clipped now. I gave him a quik treat and a kiss on the forehead and turned him out. I then brought the dogs to "G's" for the night and went home and chatted with my roomie and one of her friends. I talked to Greg before literally passing out at 11pm.

Have actually been busy todday at work despite the miserable weather which is good. I even got to have a Thanksgiving feast at the last school I went to which was awesome and I was able to really connect with a lot of students. Anyways, that's about all for today. Don't think I'll go see Possum tonight since I feel kinda crappy and the weather is the same. Have a good day everyone. The ski areas are alreqady open around here too which means that winter is just about here! Stay warm and stay safe and make sure your horsies are comfortable.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Cold Everywhere

Well I'm back from my trip to Virginia. I had a lot of fun and was able to visit a lot with family that I don't get to see often, and also see me 23yo cousin married off. Just the thought of even getting married right now at 27 scares the shit out of me. But if she's happy and ready to settle down, more power to her.

So it was a lot of late nights in the lounge and bar area and lots of yelling to hear over one another. I also got to chill in the pool and hot tub a few times which was nice. The wedding was short and sweet; just the way I like it and the reception had to end at around 9P due to the fact that another wedding reception was scheduled. Now to the weather. I was hoping, praying and expecting temps to be atleast a little higher than home in Maine. Well it was literally freezing. There was frost on the cars in the morning and it even spit snow which is crazy, this is the south and not even in the moutains, it's on the coast. So needless to say my skimpy strapless dress was not quite warm enough in the weather and wind. Ohwell. I was happy to come home and see my dogs and my roomate.

I basically picked up my dogs last night ran home, dropped my things, took a quick shower and scratched each of the kids and then drove to Greg's to hang out for a while before I passed out from exhaustion. I was so tired because the night before I stayed up until 4am hangin with family and others at the hotel and watching everyone get drunk and being silly. I had a lot of fun, but only managed to get about 3hrs of sleep, so I was basically running on fumes last night. It was good to see Greg and I realized how much I missed talking to and seeing him on a regular basis. He said that he also missed me and it was his idea that I come over. That made me happy.

Got up early this morning and got gas and went home to let the dogs out and hang with them for a bit. Then took a quick shower, threw laundry in the washer, let the dogs out again and jetted out the door to work. I admit that I'm wicked tired today and can only think about taking a good long sleep in my comfy bed with my animals, but unfortunately the funeral home has visiting hrs tonight so the dogs need to vacate the premisis for a bit, not sure where we're going to go, but somewhere for a few hrs.

I'm glad that this is a short work week. I just found out that I also have Friday off so I'm psyched! I also have a relatively light week in terms of work due to school winding down and getting ready for the holiday. Next week is a different story alltogether, so I'll take advanatage of the slow time now. I'll be going to Boston for Thanksgiving to visit with more family and then driving back the same day which will suck, but atleast it's only one day and I'll get to spend more time with my cousins.

As for news on the horse front, there have been zero. Possum has been trace clipped and before I left last week I dropped off his stable blanket to go under his mid weight turnout. I forgot his hood at my parents house, but maybe that will give me something to do tonight since the weather the next few days is calling for wet and cold rain and I'd like to have him all bundled up since he lives outside with a shelter. I miss my Possum and he deserves a good grooming tonight from his mother. OK, so that's it, I made up my mind. The dogs and I are going to drive to my parents and get Possum's hood and then go to the barn where I'll give him a good grooming and make sure he is dressed right. Well I better get back to work. Talk to you all tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Have a Happy Tuesday

It's Tuesday and my last official work day of the week. I have DEEP class training all day tomorrow and then Thursday I fly out to Virginia for the wedding which I'm totally excited for. I again did not go to the barn last night. I miss my horse terribly, but I know myself and if I go I will try and ride and do things and my back is just really not in a good place right now. Plus it's been damn ass cold lately this week and that doesn't help my pain situation as well.

Been actually kinda bored lately. I did not see Greg again last night. He has a lot going on in his life right now and I understand that, but geesh I really like seeing and talking to him. He's a super sweet guy and if things were different I know we would be dating, but like I said he has a lot to sort out right now in order to be healthy and fully functioning again. Also, the more I think about it, I probably need some down time too with all the hype from "G" and stuff, but damnit, I just have a hard gtime waiting things out, I think it is the 12yo in me that is so impatient and that wants everything NOW!!!

Work has been very busy lately. I am still trying to establish a normalized schedule and meeting new people and trying to remember names to faces, it can be overwhelming at times. I've already been up at the ass crack of dawn and drove to a middle school to watch a presentation and now I'm back at the office and getting ready to go to area schools to send out posters and flyers to spread the word to students that I will be in the schools. I do have to say though that I absolutely love my job so far and really think that this was a good change for me in the long run.

I was on call last night for the hotline and was almost certain that I would get atleast one call in the night, but alas all was quiet. I got some good sleep last night and had no issues with getting up this morning which is a good thing.

Tonight I hope to see Greg and hang out a little, I really do miss talking and seeing him. My roomie has the day off so she should be home when I get home. Have a good day everyone.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Rainy Uneventful Weekend

Sorry it's been so long since I have posted, but really don't have a whole lot to say. I did a lot of sleeping and vegging this weekend. It rained literally all weekend. My back was sore so I didn't go to the barn cause I know I would try and ride and it would just be a bad thing for me right now. My roomate had to work all weekend so she wasn't around to entertain me.

Saturday I bought my dad a couple of CD's and a card for his birthday and took the dogs over to their house for a little party. The food was awesome! My mom made two roasted chickens with stuffing and potato and vegetables and rolls and even made apple crisp for dessert! The dogs were excited to go over and visit as well.

Yesterday I went to the local mall to find a dress for the upcoming wedding in Virginia this week. I absolutely hate shopping and it totally kills me to try on things a million times. "G" asked if he could meet me there as friends and hang out while I shopped, I relented and we met up. I finally found a nice little purple thing that I thouhgt would be nice and it didn't hug all the wrong places on me. This pic is of me being silly while my roomate took my pic. These are the things we do when we're bored!
"G" and I went to lunch after shopping at his request. It was kinda awkward. He told me about all of the things he is trying to do in his life and how much he misses me and stuff, but really I know in my heart that he needs to do this on his own and I need to do my own things right now. It was sad and we both cried and stuff but atleast we are good friends first right now and are supporting one another.
I had no contact with Greg this weekend. He had his son all weekend and has come down with a bad cold, I really miss seeing and talking to him. Hopefully we can connect soon. He is on vacation all week so I'm sure he'll be around. Well that's about all. I have tentative plans to go to the barn tonight but we'll see how I feel by the end of the day. That's about all, will catch up again tomorrow.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

On Call Thursday

So tonight is the first time I will be covering the hotline with the pager, I'm kinda nervous and I'm also really tired so if I get a call or have to go to the hospital in the night it's gonna suck. Oh well I can handle it. Last night's dinner was a struggle. I really wasn't feeling too intellectual and had to pretend to listen intently to all of the scholarly conversations and nod my head and practice my active listening skills. I was glad when the dinner was over. I had been talking to Greg on and off al day and he asked me to go over to his house again to chill. I was planning on staying home and getting some shut eye but my roomie had a friend over who also has a 4yo child who is a hellian, literally.

I took a quick shower and headed out the door. "G" had picked up the dogs earlier since he wanted them for the night so I didn't have to worry about them. Greg and I hung out some and both basically collapsed from exhaustion. We take similiar anti anxiety medications so the side effects are the same and one of those is feeling tired. He gently woke me up this morning and said that he had gone outside and started my car. What a sweet heart. His son started to wake up so I headed out to go home and get ready for work. I havea busy day today going to local school and establishing drop in hrs and also scheduling presentations. I can say with certainty that I REALLY want to go to bed early tonight. Not that 11P was late last night, but I'm just dragging ass lately.

This weekend my big plan is to find a dress for the wedding in Virginia next week. I also need to do some research on the weather because I have no idea what the weather is there this time of year. I want something cute and cheap hahaha, good luck I know. I also want to either lunge or ride my horse. My back has been a little sore lately so lunging might be the way to go. He needs some work on lunging in side reins anyways so it'll be good for him. Weather is supposed to suck for the rest of the week. I think that's another reason that I'm tired because of all the changes in the weather patern. I feel like I could just fall asleep right now and not wake up till tomorrow *sigh*

But I hope to get out at a decent time this afternoon since I came in early so I can take the afternoon to chill. I was going to take the dogs to the barn to run around, but with the weather I would rather not be driving wet dogs around in the car. Hmmm, wonder what Greg is doing tonight hehehe. He really is the sweetest guy, I have never met anyone like him before, it really is amazing. Oh well, I'll keep ou all updated. Sorry my blog hasn't been very horsey lately due to the fact that I can't or do as much as I would like.

I have been reading everyone's blogs and checking on horsey progress. I enjoy reading and checking in with everyone. Talk tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

What a Day

It feels so much like Monday today due to the holiday yesterday, I'm all confused. So I went over to Gregs house last night. I played with his son some and fell asleep on the couch when he was putting him to bed. Can I just say that it is one of the most attractive things to see a man be so loving and attentive to his son. It really just melts me.

Greg and I stayed up for a while talking and then fell asleep. I woke up at 5:30AM to go home and get ready for work. Let me also add that I stayed over at Gregs house because my roomate was supposed to have friends over late to visit because she had today off, so I needed some sleep. I let the dogs out for a nice long time this morning and got to work right on time. Due to some mix ups I ended up driving around today for no reason so now I'm just reading through curriculum stuff and getting to know all of the material that I will be presenting. I am currently listening to opera on You Tube much to the disdain of my office mate who is looking at me like I have two heads hahaha. I love opera music it relaxes me and keeps me grounded. Just killing some time now because staying at the office until the dinner at 6P. I'm already tired but hopefully after I have some good food in me I'll wake right up.

Weather is again supposed to be crappy tomorrow after a gorgeous day today, figures! The weekend also looks disgusting. Saturday I'll be going to my parents house for my dads birthday which is actually today but we are celebrating it on Saturday. I also have Possum's winter hood and belly straps in their garage that I need to get before I have him trace clipped.

My back is doing OK although it was really bothering me when I woke up this morning. "G" called me today and is finally taking steps to sobriety and self happiness, he made the call to the doctors office and is meeting with them tomorrow. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he holds out and gets the help that he needs. This could be a major step in his recovery and in his realization of depression. So that's about all I can think of right now to blog about. I'm just kinda taking every day at a time, but I can say that I love hanging out with Greg and feel as though I could really develop feelings for him, but for now I'm just playing it cool and letting the cards fall as they may. Well it's time to sign off, I just found some good music from Norah Jones that needs my attention. Talk again tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Happy Veterans Day

It's a holiday and that means no work! But it is also a time to remember our military men and women and all of the sacrifices that they have made. Without them we might not even be able to blog and write all that we feel and think.

So had a good day. Last night was a blast. I took the dogs to the barn to run around and play with the other dogs. I also lunged Possum for about half an hour and he did really well. So after he worked I let him walk around and eat some hay. It was nice to hang with him. My roomie and I went to little local quaint bar after and met with Greg and his friend. He was having a few beers since his recent finalized divorce. He later came home with us to hang out. My roomie had some friends over so Greg and I hung out for a while down in the funeral part of the home. We talked about everything and anything. He ended up staying over and then went home in the morning with my roomie on her way to work. I went back to sleep until he called and asked if I wanted breakfast and to say that he was coming over to hang out. We talked some more about life and shit. All I have to say is that it's good just to talk to someone who has been through similiar things and share stories. We went for a drive to the barn where he checked out the literally hundreds of turkeys and I showed him Possum. It was good to share mu love of horses with someone else who really doesn't have a clue about them. he then had to go back home and do stuff so I went and got lunch with the dogs and then I went for a ride along with my roomie. For those of you who don't know she is a police officer in the next town. We had fun and even had some good calls. So I'm sitting in the PD writing this blog entry while listening to You Tube. Thinkin about going home soon to let the dogs out. Might go to Gregs house to chill out and watch some TV since he has his son tonight who might I add the cutest kid ever!

That's about all I have to share today. Can't ride tomorrow since after work all of the employees are going out to dinner with the board members which will take a while. Plus the weather has just not been great lately. it was only 40 degrees today and spitting snow. I am so not ready for winter!!!! Check in tomorrow with any more news.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Just Another Manic Monday

Well I'm a little late in writing this but I have been quite busy here at work finishing up my training and calling all of the schools trying to establish drop in hrs. Last night was pretty boring. I talked to my new male friend on the phone and he was pretty anxious about his pending divorce finalization today. He understandibly took it very hard and is emotional, as he should be. He took the day off to take care of himself and reflect. I'm hoping to connect with him tonight and show my support through this tough time.

Not going to the barn tonight, weather sucks and I have things to do around the house such as laundry and other shit. I called "G" last night to check on how he was doing. He sounded better than the day before. I want him to know that I still care very much about him and am just taking this time to myself and giving him the chance to do things on his own that ne needs to do. I'm just counting the minutes until I leave work. I've been feeling very anxious this afternoon and maybe it's because It's Monday and getting into the swing of work, who knows. Well I'm pretty boring today with not much else to say. I talked to Possum's farrier at the barn yesterday and he will be geting his winter shoes on hopefully by the end of this week. I am so not looking forward to winter since I feel like we didn't have much of a summer and all of the good riding time I have missed out on due to my back. Oh well, atleast I can still ride and should be thankful for that. Have a great rest of the day everyone, and I promise my posts will get better with pics and things, but right now too busy.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Back in the Saddle again

Well for Starters I have wireless inernet know at my house whooppee!!!! and second I rode Possum today for a good hour. My back was really sore at first but I just rode through it making sure to take lots of breaks and I'm doing OK now. Possum was really good although his bad habits like leaning in in the turns and charging towards the jumps have resurfaced. But that is fixable when I get some more strength back. It felt good to ride and I know you all are going to yell at me, but I even jumped some. It felt great and freeing and wonderful to be one with my horse again. I went with my roomie, and even though the weather was less than ideal it didn't dampen my mood. I gave him a nice long grooming and put his mid weight blanket back on since it's getting colder here again.

So I came home and gave all th everyone joins in and has no idea what they are evenb ree dogs a bath since they had decided to roll in the newly fertilized fields and throughly smelled like chicken shit! Thinga at the barn are also straightening themselves out although I am curious as to who left the nasty comments previous because really they had nothing to do with anything that has happened and I think just wanted to get a piece of the action. It's kinda like a dog fight, two dogs get into an argument and then all of a sudden they all join in and don't even know what their fighting about but like to get into it for the sake of the fight. The fact that they also posted as anonomous tells me something about their character. K, nough said.

As for the things with "G" I have decided that we need a break and I am doing my own thing. I have met a very very very nice guy and I love talking to him. Nothing else going on right now as he is at the tail end of a divorce oh and did I also tell you that he has a kid??? But there is something about this guy, he's been able to show me how I should be treated and how I really don't need to put up with the crap that I have been going through. His heart was smashed into a milion pieces when his wife cheated on him and he caught them and now she asked for the divorce. I guess lonely and broken hearts flocketogether. I am keeping all options for myself open and am focusing on have fun and enjoying life. I have a new job, a great place to live and some great friends. I need to focus on that and that only. I actually am very happy with my decision.

Week after next I am flying to Virginia to attend my cousins wedding where all of my family will also be. I am really looking forward to going even though it's only for 3 days it will be good to get away and reconnect with family. I'm still catching up with everyone's blogs and have enjoyed reading everyone's riding and horse adventures. Have a great Sunday and will catch up again tomorrow.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Back to Business

It's Friday and I'm totally looking forward to the weekend. It's been a long work week and physically by the end of it it takes it's toll on me. I want to thank all of my blogger friends again for how supportive and loving you have all been and I really appreciate it. I'm just glad to be talking about horses again!

I'm still trying to catch up on everyone's blogs so if I'm not commenting it just means I'm busy reading everyone's stuff. Things have been a little crazy in my life in the guy department. "G" and I are on a weird break at my request. I need some time away from him and have decided that if he really doesn't get some serious help I'm not going to be sticking around. This is a huge step for me, but it has also been prompted someone else who has given me some encouragement. I'm not going to blog about it too much but all I'm gonna say is that there are nice guys out there and no matter what age or stage of life you and they are in, when there is a connection it is hard to ignore that.

As for Possum. I havn't seen him too much. I'm kinda ashamed as I write this. It's just so hard for me to be at the barn and not ride or do anything, it really kills me. I alos know that Possum is gorging himself on food and probably loving his vacation. This weekend I'm def going to the barn and even if I don't ride I'll free lunge him again and play some games with him. I miss him so much and need to be with him. This Saturday I'm going to be helping a friend on free jumping her new mare who was just accepted as first premium in her dutch warmblood keuring. She's a beautiful mare with white socks and a striking face, she would make a lovely hunter after some good training. I'm looking forward to helping her and she hopes to take some good pics and videos because she plans on selling the mare.

Well that's about all I can think of for now. My back is getting stronger and stronger every day and I hope to be up to full running power in the next few weeks. Have a great day everyone and an exciting weekend.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Back Online

Wow so much has happened since I've been offline for a few weeks. I have started the new job and am working for the second week. I absolutely love it and can't wait to finish training and start the real work. My job is working at a center for sexual assault and also going into the schools and teaching kids and giving presentations while also serving drop in hours to talk to kids one on one. I will also be taking turns on the hotline and taking calls and going to area hospitals to accompany survivors of sexual assault. My co-workers are all great so I am very excited about everything.

Possum is doing wonderfully. He's running around and tearing up the place. I went to the barn last weekend and free lunged him in the arena and he was jumping jumps and having a great time. The barn wounds are mending. There was a lot of confusion, cross talking and questions that no one knew the answers to. As you can see from the comments in my last post people can be very nasty. I had to laugh when I heard about those comments because it was the wife of the man who was injured who told me about them. It's funny how people can lie so much and be so mean and vindictive when they don't even know the facts and clearly did not see the events that took place although they claim they were there and also ride at my barn. They obvioisly don't know me very well is all I have to say.

As for my back I am healing really well. I'd be lying if I said I havn't hopped on my horse bareback to walk around. My hip is also healing although it still hurts like a bastard. But I'm much more mobile and getting better everyday. It's just hard for me to be at the barn right now cause I can't ride or basically do anything. I'm thinking of trying a short ride in the arena rhis weekend and see if I can even post the trot.

Things are going really well and I am so grateful for everyone's well wishes', and prayers. I feel like I'm in a good place right now too. I also have anew good friend who I will talk about later, but for right now I'm doing well. Have a great day everyone and talk soon.