Thursday, March 12, 2009

Little of this and Little of that

Sorry it;s taken me so long to blog. One of the reasons is that I have only ridden Possum once so far this week. I went to the barn Tuesday night to ride and try to relax. I was still stressing over the Greg stuff going on that I just needed to be with my horse and blow off some steam. I only rode for about half an hour and we didn't do anything serious at all. I rode basically with one hand the entire time, didn't care if he was on the bit and just went around the arena on criuse control. We trotted a bunch of times around and then cantered. We even did flying changes across the diagonals one handed and he did suprisingly great. It was more of just riding for the sake of riding. My brain was not ready to do a serious training ride and Possum was more than happy to just go along with his head in the air. I gave him lots of kisses and hugs and then had to go home.

I did have it out with Greg tgat night and how he was making me feel lately. I was angry, pissy and hurt, but after we got it all out things seemed to get better, more clear. He's right in a way that I like him more than friends, I can't help that, it just happes, he's an awesome guy. He is not ready to take anything past friendship phase, I get that. But he also doesn't have to ignore me or give me one word answers when we're used to talking for hours. The reason he didn't really see it is because he does not feel the way I do. However, he was very upset at the prospect of losing what he calls "one of his best friends". SO I burst open the lines of communication and we are both feeling better about things. Even though we may have different feelings right now, we care very much about each other. He also reassured me that he is not scoping for girls as was my fear and was honest that girls were coming to him, but he was only addressing them as friends. I have to believe him. I just need to focus on the friends piece first and if anything comes from that it's just a bonus.

I did however go out with my roomie to a basketball game last night that one of her new guy friends was playing in. Us' and a bunch of players went out to eat after. I was my usual charming self of making fun of my roomate and being a complete smart ass hahaha. I was dressed in a sexy hooded sweatshirt and jeans woo hoo (note the sarcasm) However, today I was informed that one of the guys thinks I was funny and cute and wants to know if he can have my number. SO I say sure to the third party that asked me, because hell we're in 6th grade right? What do I have to lose? I'm in no rush. I have real feelings for Greg, but it might also be nice to hang out with someone casually that actually takes a shine to me, or atleast talk to him. It can't hurt anything, I guess that's why they call it being single. So today is looking up, not for the fact that all this happened, but because I practically leaped out of bed today and ready to work. I havn't felt like that in a long time. I hope that with the change of seasons, that my moods also will turn more positive. Even though it's still in the 30's, it's a beautiful and bright day. I have my dogs and cat and my beloved Possum. I have plans to be at the barn all weekend again and ride both Possum and Aragon and chill with my horsey friends again.

Quick update on the "G" front. Out of the blue today he texted me saying that he really misses the dogs and loves them very much and to give them a hug and a kiss for him. Oh and also hoping that I was doing OK. Wanna know what my response was.......NOTHING. I am so done burrying and then digging things up again. He made his choice, and ultimately I made mine. We hurt each other equally and it's done. Ofcourse I still care for him and yea I even still love him, it takes a while to not, but I can't keep doing this to myself. He wanted nothing to do with me over the past few weeks and basically told me to fuck off, so I'm just doing what he told me to. Have a great day everyone and be safe.


Leah Fry said...

Sounds like you are getting a healthy perspective. And yeah, a little bit of positive attention doesn't hurt.

Laura said...

Ditto to what Leah Fry said - sounds like you are working through everything. Positive attention is a good thing - hopefully this guy is problem free! :-)