Friday, March 13, 2009
Quick Guy Update
Just had to write this more to get it off my chest than to bore you guys with more drama. But I did end up talking to "G" last night. He called me and I answered before I knew it was him. Anyways he wanted to talk about the dogs and how much he misses him. Then we talked about his situation. He has lost his license now for 3 years. He is getting fired from his job, as driving is part of his job description. He is going to be forced to sell his house due to lack of finances. He is in a world of hurt. I feel bad, I really do. Even at my maddest I wouldn't wish that upon him. I informed him that the best thing for him to do was surround himself with good and positive friends an dpeople. He then added that he is and that his new woman is home with him now. I immediately became cold. I asked him where he was going to live if he sold his house and he said maybe with her. I couldn't believe it!!! It was at the exact moment that I let everything go. I felt a huge wave come over me and then it disappeared. I was able to think clearly and in a stable voice I informed him that atleast for a while it would be best if we didn't talk so I could have the time I need to get on with my life and not worry about what he is doing. I told him that I'm not holding the dogs from him, but that it's gonna be a while. He quickly said ok and bye and hung up. I hung up the phone and just stared at it, waiting to feel something. I wasn't sad, I wasn't mad I wasn't really anything. I felt like I was watching a 5yr piece of me break off and float away into outerspace. Then I started to feel hopeful. Like I had been released from shackles and the hope of a new future. For the first time I felt like I was worth more and that I actually might find it in this crazy backwards world of mine. I felt like things had slowed down and I had stopped racing at warp speed. I went upstairs and hugged and kissed each one of my dogs and told them I love them. They looked up at me like they always do, eyes wide asking for my undivided attention. I was more than happy to give it to them. I spent the rest of the night playing on the computer, watching a little TV and talkng on the phone with Greg. Our old conversations were back. We were able to joke around in that flirty playful way that automatically puts a smile on our faces. I went to bed that night after watering all the plants and reading some and slept a peaceful night. Thoughts of "G" started to creep into my brain, but I was able to push them out. It's new day today. It's almost the weekend and I have plans to spend the whole time at the barn. When I get out of work early this afternoon, my roomie and I are going to take the dogs and ride our ponies. Iactually feel alright, and I can say that with honesty. Just wanted to let you guys know and thanks for all the support and well wishes, they really do help. Have a great Friday the 13th!