Thursday, April 23, 2009

Feeling really hurt today...

I'll try to make this short, but it's definately not sweet. As you all know things between Greg and I have still been tense and awkward and pretty much sucky. Great friendship, huh? Well last night I was informed by several different people of what is really going on. He is hanging out with another girl. But not just another girl, pretty much the town slut. She's been in trouble with the law, she drinks and parties all the time. She is younger than me and has a son that she does not have custody of. She is however pretty and very skinny. I found out that they went to Cabella's the other night just like he took me and they did the shooting game just like we did and I'm sure that they even went out to eat at the same place that we did as well. This is what stings.

I texted him that now things make sense that I know the whole picture. he wrote back "rumor-heard that whateva"

I wrote back for him not to be pissed at me. It's not a rumor, I don't know if their screwing or anything but I do know they've been hanging out and such and she's been over to his house. I said that it would have just been nice to hear it from him instead. I then went to the movies with my roomie and her family. On the drive home I couldn't resist and did ask if they were screwing, since we had made a pact to tell each other if we were messing around. No response. I asked him why he wouldn't tell me the truth and no response. I was upset by them so I said that obviously I care more about friendship and honesty then he does.

This morning I couldn't resist and just told him that it would be better hearing things from him instead of everyone else. I said that we are friends and he can talk when he wants to and later. No response. I'm just so upset. Not the fact that he is necessarily messing around, but the fact that he can't even have the decency to talk to me about it or whatever. I just thought that we were better friends than that. Guess not. So I was in a down mood this morning and decided to look up some quotes on confidence and self esteem, here is the one I posted on my facebook

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within. ~Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross

I just hope that Greg wakes up. I know that this is probably (hopefully) a phase but I'm just really hurt at how our friendship has taken a definate downward turn.

On a good note, I have a horse show this weekend. I rode last night and rode both Possum and Aragon. Things are good in the horse world.


Laura said...

Oh no - sorry to hear that. Oh, I just want to punch him for you - not that that would solve anything.

I reallllly hate lying. I would rather have brutal honesty than have people lie to me.

I'm going to go out on a limb and try and turn this into something a bit positive here - bear with me.

This guy also has issues. Different issues than G, but issues all the same. He is hurting from his divorce (red flag 1), is pulling all the same moves he pulled on you with other girls (red flag 2), can't be honest, even if honesty is mean (red flag 3).

I think, as much as it hurts, that this guy is just not for you at all - he can't appreciate your honesty, fun attitude, etc. and he doesn't deserve to be with someone cool like you - even as a friend.

Sorry for the long comment here - but I'm really hurting for you too. I wish you could find someone decent. The whole small-town thing probably isn't helping at all.

Chin up, Molly!

CaitStClair | A Peachy Bride said...

This is my first time commenting, but I have been reading along for a little while. And I'm going to be brutally honest with you because I've been in a very similar situation and sometimes that's what it takes.

He is NOT your friend. Male, female, it doesn't matter. This is not how friends treat each other. He doesn't respect you and he's not going to just snap out of it.

My advice (not as some internet weirdo you've never heard of but as a woman who has been down the same road) is to cut off contact with him. For real. Don't just pretend or do it half heartedly.

If he's like my guy was, once you honestly quit communicating with him he'll try and come back. Don't let him. It sucks and it hurts and you'll cry but you'll be better off sooner rather than later.

For me, I was with my ex for two years when he started trying to break things off. I did what you're doing now and it drug on for almost two more years of off-and-on fake relationship. We did the "still friends", the "friends with benefits", the "I love his dog too much to cut off contact with him", you name it, I made the excuse in order not to leave or be left.
I had friends telling me what I needed to do (just as you do here) but it didn't matter. I had to figure it out on my own. I learned A LOT and wouldn't trade the experience but I do wish it hadn't taken me so damn long.

Good luck and be strong.

(Try deleting his number out of your phone so that everytime you're tempted to contact him you have to punch out the number and it will give you a few extra seconds to stop yourself.)

sidetracked said...

Thanks guys. Your right, friends do not treat each other like this. I know he is going through some tuff times and trying to find his niche, but I keep getting in the way of being hurt. How am supposed to just stop caring all together? I guess I need to put myself first on this one and take care of myself. It's hard, I don't open up to just anyone and I trusted him, even in his fragile state because I thought we had a solid base. On the upside the barn owner, myself and another rider at the barn are going to Dover in NH tomorrow to look around and go shopping and then I have a show Sunday. I should be busy this weekend and need to focus on the competition. Thanks for the input guys.

CaitStClair | A Peachy Bride said...

You definitely hit the nail on the head. You need to take care of yourself first. You can't fix him and you can't help him. He has to do all of that himself and it's probably going to be messy.

Things would be SO much easier if you could just stop caring but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. The best thing you can do is just give yourself space. And it will take more than you think it will need. I used to say, "I can still hang out in a group with our friends" (my only close friends were all mutual ones) but the truth is that it wasn't until I completely separated myself from everything surrounding him that I was able to honestly move on and not just say that I had.
It sucks and it's hard, but I know you can do it.

Anonymous said...

Oh Molly!

This is what I was trying to tell you would happen. Guys like Greg are just like ships passing in the night. They're there, then one day they're gone. You can't be friends with a guy in the head space. Or be friends with a girl in that head space if you're a guy. It just doesn't ever bode well for the long run.

Greg wasn't your friend. CaitStClair was right. But more, it hurts because he used you as his substitute girlfriend for a while, sex involved or not.

I'm sorry he hurt you. I'm sorry it hurts.

SunnySD said...

A friend once said to me that he wished people with issues were as easy to fix as horses with issues. Truth is, I think we tend to have a lot more approaches to dealing with animals than humans - people get to have minds of their own, and you can't always fix them. Sad, but true.... hang in there!

CaitStClair is right - he's not being your friend, and he's not making it worthwhile for you to be HIS friend.

Have a great time at your horse show :)

cdncowgirl said...

Ouch. Been there, and yes it sucks.
I've been purposefully not commenting on the guy subject because I didn't want to come off as a preachy older sister. But... its easier said than done but try working on making YOU your best friend.
Can't wait to hear news from the horse show (and maybe some pics??) Which horse(s?) are you showing?

Leah Fry said...

Molly, you are being given the only gift a virtual sisterhood can give you: great advice and insight from survivors who have been there, done that, and are trying to share it with you, to help you grow. Trust us. We're on your side.

So here's what I got for you:

You need to get stronger. You need to learn to not let your own emotions hold you hostage. The sooner you can, the sooner you will learn that happiness is a choice, not something or anything that happens to you.

I was crippled by my own feelings for years. There were times when I felt actual physical pain from emotional hurt. I wish I had learned sooner. I'm a late bloomer, but you don't have to be!

Last but not least, or maybe best of all, I will pray for you by name. Do not underestimate the power of prayer. Pray for yourself. Channel your hypersensitivity to communicate with God. If you don't know what to say, start with "help," and ask Him to speak to you in ways you can understand. The answers/guidance can be subtle, and sometimes not in places you'd expect, so pay attention with an open mind and heart. If you choose to do this, I guarantee 100% that you will start feeling better. Make it a habit and — well, there's no telling what can happen.

Stephanie said...

First you know I totally want to know how you did at the horse show!

CaitStClair - said some of what I would say - and then to answer you question of how can you just stop caring....

You don't have to - but you can stop communicating with him and be done with him. It will hurt, because you care - but all that is going on right now is sooooo not healthy for either of you. Really honestly, stop texting him - delete his phone number out of your phone.

Just like you found Greg after "G" there are other men out there. Leave this one be...

SillyPony said...

Being a late twenties single girl kinda sucks. I know. You know. I am in agreement with what all the other been-there-done-that's are saying. YOU need to take control of the situation. I think you know deep inside that this "relationship" is NOT healthy for you. If it is causing you this much anxiety/stress/anger/etc. then it's simply not good for you. Maybe it once was, but it certainly is not now. People come and go in our lives. Let this one go. Drop him. This is part of life. Keep the good memories (if there were any) and just get rid of the baggage. It sounds like you are hanging on to something that no longer exists. It's like a bunch of crunched up McDonalds bags rolling around in your car. The food is gone. Why keep the bags? They're empty. They will never grow more food. Try to think of what's best for you. If this was about a friend of yours and not about you, what would you tell her? Sure you've got complicated emotions inside and you feel lost and confused, but if you eliminated him from your life, wouldn't that be a lot less complicated?

I'm on your side. And Laura's right: we'll punch him for you. It'll be like the gelding bus....

I will think of you this weekend. Can't wait to see pictures!