Monday, April 13, 2009

What a weekend!

Well in terms of horse stuff I barely rode this weekend. I rode Friday, but after riding my roomie and I went to the shooting range for a bit. Her horse has an abcess right now so she's bummed she can't ride her. I figured that Possum has been working a lot that it won't hurt him to take a weekend off. We decided to do non-horsey things this weekend. Here are a few pics of me at the shooting range, it really pays to havea cop as a good friend, she has all the good guns hahaha.

Then Saturday we went to the barn but I just watched everyone and then my friend and I decided to take out her crotch rocket since it was so nice out and the arena was packed that it would be useless to work on things. We had a good time, we cruised through town and then went out to lunch. It started to get pretty chilly so we went home to chill.

Now onto the stressful part of the weekend. I had been trying to be talkative to Greg and everything but every time I called he would blow me off, or I would text him with most times no response. It was driving me crazy. What was going on with him, what was he thinking, and how could we go from talking about 10 times a day to nothing. We don't laugh or talk or even hang out anymore. I was really taking is personally. This is something that you do not do to a friend, regardless to the gender. My last straw was on Saurday night I texted him asking to call me, he said yes and never called the rest of the night. While I was at my parents yesterday for Easter I got a voicemail from him saying that he was busy and crap. Last night I knew he was probably busy as he usually is and sent him about 4 texts telling him how I feel. How the fact that he's ignoring me and blowing me off hurts my feelings. I asked what was going on with him and why he was being this way. I didn't get a response so I went to bed. At 10:30 I get a text from him asking what the deal was andn if I was having a bad night and "holy efn texts" I told him that it wasn't a bad night, and that this was not the reaction that I thought he would have. he texted me back saying that he is not at my beck and call and I text and call him all the time and he doesn't have the time to talk or respond. I told him that was bullshit because he always did have time and now he didn't. I called him instead of keeping texting. He was obviously in a bad mood and started complaining that all us women are the same blah blah. That about pissed me off and I tried to explain to him that I was his friend and was only looking for his friendship back. I don't think he got it. He started to get angry and yelling saying that he was worked up and wanted to go to bed. (He had just got back form playing cards) I told him that I wanted to get this out on the table now because things have been crap for 2 weeks. I gave the example that even if he was one of my girl friends I would be acting like this, he said that that wasn't the same because I was closer to those friends and had known them longer, that really hurt because obviously we aren't on the same level. He said because I had feelings for him that things changed. I told him not to flatter himself and that I'm about as messed up as him and he should know that and cut me some slack. He didn't get it. I mentioned that sometimes he is also confusing especially saying to me one time that he was jealous. He exploded saying that I was still hung up on that and that he said it one time and it's not like that now, wow, another stab. He went on and on and finally I said fine and hung up the phone to let him go to bed. I immediately started to cry. I was sick of all this stress, of feeling like I was walking on egg shells, when he obviuosly didn't give a damn. Why was it that I was trying to convince someone to be friends with me, this was crazy!

I texted him back and said that I was done. I was washing my hands of all of this and that he was missing out on a true friend. He texted back saying that Because I wouldn't respect his wishes to go to bed that I was done. I said that it wasn't just that, it was everything and I'm done feeling like this. Then I texted him happy birthday since his B-day is next Monday and that yes I remembered, because friends do that kind of stuff.

This totally sucks. I hate it, but I can't be that emotional punching bag. I care too much about hi m and he is on another planet. Better to cut ties now than later. So today trying to keep my chin up and keep busy with work. Havn't heard from him and I don't expect to. And even if he did I need to not talk or text and try to heal from all this crap. He can figure out all his stuff on his own. Maybe somedayI'll meet that special person, but right now it's just me and the dogs and cat and horse, all I need right now.


Stephanie said...

Hey at least you won't have to worry about picking up any internet stalkers after the machine gun pictures!! You look like one tough girl - who want to mess the girl who might have access to a machine gun? Umm nobody. LMOA! You looked great with the guns!

Sorry about the guy stuff! Gosh it seems like you can't catch a break. If I were you I'd be done with him too - like you said just wash your hands of him and move on. He missed that train and it doesn't stop there anymore anyway! Any attempts at repairing the friendship by you would just be viewed by him as "womanly advances" so screw it. Just keep it business with the house and all - and don't even throw him a bone.

Wish you could fly out here and help me at my horse show this weekend! We could sit and guy bash over some wine and horses. Not that mine's been rotten lately - he's just provided me with an endless supply of crap to bitch about over the past 15 years.

sidetracked said...

Oh Man I look forward to youy comments Stephanie. You always know how to keep me grounded and o nthe right path. Would absolutely love to hop on a plane and fly away for a few days and play horses with someone else and have some adult beverages, I can dream can't I. I'm sticking to my guns, literally hahaha. I just need to back out now and let it go. We're obviously on different planes and not going to see eye to eye. He just doesn't get it and may not be able to right now. On a good note, I went home fo rlunch and to let the dogs out and found a cute little birds nest on the ground. I'm going to take it as a sign of good times to come.

Anonymous said...

He sounds like a messed up jerk too me. Hey very nice single guy here where I work ;)

Portland - I'm just saying!

sidetracked said...

He he he, hook a sister up. I'm just looking for nice guys to hang out with, nothing really serious unless that's the path it takes on it's own.

Anonymous said...

Hey I hear ya! Really nice guy... He likes dogs has a great one from the ARL - knows some about horses, good job, athletic, wicked smart. Sorry I get this (match-making) impulse from my sister! You could do a drive by ever in the Portland area? I could find a pic of him I think!

sidetracked said...

That's so funny, Portland is only about 40 min from me so it wouldn't be a big deal to swing by somewhere. I'm just trying to keep all my options open.....

Anonymous said...

As you should and it never hurts to have at the very least another friend!

I can email you some info. if you can give me your address don't want to post specifics on here.

Anonymous said...

He's 28 by the way.

Anonymous said...

Oh Dear! You'll probably hate me for this, but I'm going to give it to you straight.

I've been reading your blog for the past several months and when it comes to the guy thing, I see myself a few years ago.

When it comes to you and Greg, you're both coming out of serious relationships and you're both pretty messed up. That AT LEAST A YEAR rule needs to apply to you too.

Guys coming out of a relationship seem to have pretty tenuous friendships with other women at best. They've got so much on their plates and their thoughts and emotions are just everywhere across the board. Most likely, any relationship Greg starts during this time of his life isn't likely to last.

And calling and texting all the time isn't going to help matters. Not getting a reply to a phone call or text should tell you something. It shouldn't be telling you to call and text that much more. It does make you come off sounding as needy and clingy, two things guys DON'T like. And truly something Greg doesn't need right now as he's still got his ex-wife to deal with still. If you're coming off as pushy and demanding to him now, do you think that's going to make you that much more attractive to him? After all, I'm sure that's what his ex is doing. And she's got priority as the mother of his son. Why'd he want to deal with two women in his life like that? Especially if he isn't sleeping with either one of them? (Guys think like that)

What else could be going on in Greg's life that might make it so he can't text or take a phone call right away? Could he be having on-going arguments with his ex? Could he just be so frustrated and angry that he isn't up to talking to anyone? Could it be that he's just trying to figure his shit out while everyone else in the world clamors for his attention? Give the guy a break!

Do you think that backing off and being independent for a while might show him what a cool chick you really are?

It sounds like you're really using Greg as an emotional replacement for "G" in your life right now too. Maybe you need more to occupy your thoughts than just guys?

Give Greg some space. He'll appreciate it and is more likely to come back 'round.

sidetracked said...

Thanks Oregonsunshine, This may be what's going on with him. I really appreciate your advice, I just miss my friend. I was the one he used to go to when his ex was breathing down his neck, and I would do the same with "G" and his crap. You may be right that I'm coming off as pushy and nagging, but we as women think totally different than guys do. WHo knows. I've been good all day. I went to the barn after work and had a good ride on Possum and just stayed there and hung out till dark. I'm just checking my online stuf now and then taking a shower and going to bed. I have a training all day tomorrow a ways away so that should take up some mental space and time fo rme, and then I have a date to ride Aragon that afternoon.

Just hard sometimes, as I'm sure you know. I feel liek I have so much to give someone and feel totally unappreciated. Just having friends, guys or otherwise soudns like a good idea to me. Thanks again for cthe sound advice. My blog is the place where I vent and get all this guy crap out and out of my head of the most part.

Laura said...

Cool gun pics!! I'm not a huge gun fan, but sometimes it is kinda fun to know how to shoot one. I learned how to shoot a machine gun in the military. That second gun looks like an M-16 - I'm not sure if I want to know how you guys had access to one of those!!! Cops around here sure dont!!! lol

Too bad about the guy troubles - I have no good advice to give... I think Steph's advice is good though - wash your hands of another G and move on. Those guys have no clue on what they are missing out on! Maybe you should also steer clear of guys whose names start with "G"!!! ;-p

Leah Fry said...

Dang, I had no idea you were a pistol packin' mama! Chill out. Hang with the people who truly enjoy spending time with you. I keep telling you to stop trying so hard. You shouldn't have to. You're beautiful, smart and funny. The losers are blocking your light so the winners can't see you.

Anonymous said...

And Joe's. I'm agreeing with Laura, but add Joe's to that list. Every Joe I know is a jerk. Just ask my ex-husband. He'll confirm it and his name is Joe.

Hon, I have a clue as to how guys think. I was raised by my father and brothers. There wasn't a female role-model in my life from the ages of 5 to 15. And then I spent a lot of time with military guys around as a Marine Corps wife (avoid them too- you can reference the above Joe for confirmation on that too). From there, I worked in a male dominated industry, so I've had a lot of time to talk, listen and observe how guys think. And when I've been in doubt, I've asked any of those guys for their opinion.

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to just be yourself and be alone for a while. Everyone has to learn how to be alone. Plus guys dig independence. The good ones anyways.

I speak with the voice of experience here. I've been there and done that. I'd like to save you some headaches and heartaches. After all, I've been in your shoes.

Now, I think pony therapy is the best idea! Lots and lots of time with the ponies and you'll feel better. You can cry on them, laugh and them and they never judge you. They'll just accept you and love you just the way you are.