Horsing around on a Saturday

Got to sleep in a little today till 9AM and got a nice text from Greg saying good morning. I groggily stumbled out of bed and into the living room where my roomie was watching TV. I said hi and then went outside in my bathrobe in 30 degree weather to let the dogs go potty. I came in, woke up a bit and called Greg on the phone and then decided to get ready for the day and hopped in the shower. We got to the barn a little before noon and was able to watch some of a lesson. I then got Possum from the paddock and brought him to the indoor to tack up. After he was fully dressed I decided to tag along with a group lesson that was going on. We cantered circles working on lengthening and shortening. We worked on transitions and that was cool. Then we started jumping at a trot and that went went well. Possum was a little stiff but was jumping nicely. It was cool to jump one after another in a group of 4. Then we started cantering and then the trainer made up a course. See lovely diagram below....

Outside line to broken line back to outside line, and around to the other outside line. It doesn't look that complicated except for the broken line, but the course was set up on a small area with the outside lines being two and three strides apart. Possum actually did quite well and stayed nice and slow. I rode him for almost 2 hrs with a little break in-between. Then after we were done and cooling out we worked on some leg yielding and turn on the haunches and forehand. All in all it was a good day. The dogs had fun, despite the cold and Possum and I got in a good work out.

When I got back home dinner of pot roast was all done in the crock pot that my roomate made before we left and we had that as a yummy dinner. Now I'm just chillin watchin TV and cruising the net.

TGIF

Happy Friday everyone. I have to admit that I took off early from work today and went to the pool with my roomie this afternoon and we swam laps in the pool for a good work out. Then we sat in the sauna for about 15 min and sweat like crazy! We went home and dropped her dog off and then went to the movies and watched Taken starring Lian Neeson. Definately a really good movie. It set up the stpry well and then really kept you on the edge of your seat. It was good to take a break from reality for a while.

I need you guys to kick me in the head. I have been texting "G" back and forth today. He found out today that he loses his license from his OUI for a year and a half starting at midnight. he also found out that due to losing his license he is going to lose his job. I know I shouldn't feel bad, but I still care about the fucker and really stuck my hand out to him. Well he just threw it back in my face and let me know that his new woman was picking him up tonight and they were going out. I know what I need to do, but doing it is just so hard. I need to get my head out of his ass and move on with life. I find that I am constantly looking back on the past that I'm missing the present and have no concept of future things. I'm in comfy clothes, I worked out today and my roomie has all weekend off with me. For a work out tomorrow we're going to the barn and going to help the owner clean out pasture shelters and other odd jobs. Then we're going to ride and have a good time. Hopefully going to ride Sunday as well. We are expected to get another big snowstorm Sunday so I'm not looking forward to that.

Greg is helping his mom out tonight and going out snowmobiling tomorrow and then he has his son for the rest of the weekend so we probably won't spend any time together, which is fine; because after all we are just friends. I think I'm also pissing him off by constantly going against his best advice and falling back into the hole which is "G". I need to focus on my riding, my animals and dive into my work. With the economy the way it is, I really need to shine at my job.

So how is everyone else doing? What's the weather like at your house and farm? I have a lot of free time tonight and this weekend so I'm cruising blogs and such. Also gonna catch the newest episode of Jockeys tonight as well which I'm looking forward to. I alos have something else to look forward to, Greg always calls me at night to chat and say to have a good night. He really is such a sweet guy.

Just One of Those days

Just kind of a ho hum day. Work was fine, but not spectacular. I've been thinking alot about "G" lately. It seems that the harder I try to get him out of my head, the more I wonder what he is doing and stuff. It's like a form of self torture I swear. Things with Greg and I have been doing really good. I went over to help Greg shovel out his yard and porches cause I really needed the exercise, but my ack started to act up so I had to stop after a while. I stayed over there last night and we rented an absolutely horrible movie. You know the one you hate from the beginning but stay up hoping that there will be some big twist at the end that will make it all worth while, well it didn't happen. We hit the hay early because we were both exhausted. I got up early, came home and took a super quick shower and then went to work.

So it was a blah day and I decided to go to the barn and ride to see if things would pep me up. Possum and I were just having an off day. It's not like it was horrible, but he was really stiff through his poll and back. I didn't habe the energy to really work through it so we just cruised around. I set some jumps up to 3ft to work over focusing on pace and relaxation. It just wasn't coming together. He could feel my energy and his level was about the same. After a good 40 min workout I ended it for both of our sakes. Like I said, it wasn't horrible, it just wasn't clicking. Atleast the dogs got to run around and play.

My dad called tonight and said that he hasn't heard from me in a while and the last time we talked I seemed down. I really hate talking to my dad about these things because for one, he's my DAD and two he just wants to fix things. There's nothing to fix really except for me to grow up and move on. SO I tried to end the conversation soon.

Just kinda bored tonight. Gonna take a hot shower and relax. Then probably go to bed early. I'm also PMS-ing so that may be what is also dragging me down. Whatever the case I'm ready for the day to be over and the weekend to start. I think Greg and I are going to the movies tomorrow night which will be nice and I have a relatively easy work schedule tomorrow too. Hoping to get some more riding in this weekend with Possum and Moonshine. Keeping busy and being with friends is the best thing for me right now.

How It All Started

I had the horse bug for as long as I could remember. I grew up loving horses, collecting posters and figurines. I begged my parents to take me riding to no avail. Every farm we passed in the car I would press my face against the glass and just dream of being with them and riding them and trying to figure out what breed they were. I was obsessed with reading as much as I could about horses. The Saddle Club and the Thoroughbred series were a main stay in my book case. It wasn't until I was almost 11 years old that my grandfather knew of a woman locally that taught lessons and he told my parents about her. I was so excited about riding. My parents bought me rubber riding boots and I was convinced that they needed to be broken in and went all around outside and in the house wearing them. I didn't have a helmet of my own and only had my bicycle helmet to wear. The day of my first lesson arrived and I was waiting anxiously. All of a sudden the phone rang and it was my instructor calling to say that she had to cancel my lesson because her son had gotten in a soccer accident. I was crushed and immediately shut myself in my room and cried. It was devastating to have to wait another whole week before I could see, feel, touch and best of all ride a horse.

Finally I put on my rubber boots and it was time for my lesson. It was a small farm with only 2 horses. They were arabians. On the drive to the farm my mom told me that the first lesson would be learning how to groom and tack up and that I may not even ride at all, I had fully prepared myself for not riding, but the prospect of just touching their soft bodies and looking into their eyes of heaven enough. I was to ride a 14.2 hand bay arabian mare named Davah who had one eye. I was told that she lost her eye in a freak accident several years ago. I didn't care, I thought she was beautiful. I learned about grooming and leading a horse. I learned how to lift the County dressage saddle on her back and do the girth. The bridle was a complete mystery to me, but I watched in fascination. With eyes wide and a shaky voice I asked my instructor if I was actually going to ride, she looked at me and laughed and said "ofcourse". I had never been on a real horse before. My only other contact with equines was pony rides at the fair that I kept going back to even after my parents wouldn't give me any more money to do and just watch the other children ride.

Sitting astride a horse, and an arabian nonetheless was an exhilirating experience. I attentively listened to my instructor and tried to make my body do all of the tasks that were asked even though they seemed so hard. I remember trying to find my balance as the horse lurched forward at a walk. I was on the end of a long line which for an entire year I thought was called a "lunch line" After that first lesson I was riding high. My dream was finally coming true. As we put Davah away together I looked at her eagerly and asked her if I was ever going to be a good rider someday. She paused for a brief second and said that I would probably never be a great rider, but she would make it so I could stay on. Now everyone that I tell that to now thinks that was the meanest thing she could have ever said, but it doesn't bother me in the slightest. her words are what lit the fire under me and kept me wanting more and to learn more and ride anything that I could. I look back today and realize that I had absolutely no natural talent for riding. But it makes me proud to know that everything that I have learned has been the hard way and well earned. I continued to take lessons for a whole year and then started to earn lessons by doing chores at the barn as her herd grew. I clearly remember lugging water buckets half full twice because I couldn't pick up a full one. I never got my first horse of my own until I was 23. I was lucky enough to half lease a horse at the barn for 6 years previous that I considered my own. Horses have and always will be my life blood and the thing that keeps me ticking on the inside. SOmetimes when I get busy or riding gets to be just one more thing on the to do list I need to slow things down and remember why I love these crazy things in the first place. and no guy that I meet or get involved with will ever take their place in my heart.

Holy Tons O'Snow!!

Literally we got 2 FEET of snow last night and into this morning. I got a call from Greg at 2:30am who was out plowing and he just couldn't believe the amount of snow we have gotten. My work was cancelled and it was nice to just hang around the house. I watched a favorite movie, The Man From Snowy River. Always puts a smile on my face because I used to watch it over and over when I was a kid. My roomie also had the day off so we were lazy together. We talked about going to the barn and riding, but decided not to. I have ridden 4 times last week so I didn't feel too guilty aout not going.

As for the guy thing, I am still hanging in there. I'm as confused as ever but really just trying to stick to the basics of sleeping, eating and doing day to day activities. I've been hanging with the dogs a lot. My roomie and I went to the grocery store earlier tonight and I bought a whole chicken to make with stuffing, mashed potatoes and green beans. I just felt like making a big meal after all this snow and crap. Plus I absolutely love left over chicken sandwiches.

Possum is doing great and we are slowly getting back into shape. Our work outs have been really good and productive. I have also been riding Moonshine in my free time to work with her and to keep me in shape by riding two horses full time. I do have one great thing to share........On Saturday I got Greg to go to the barn and gave him a lesson on Possum. Before he showed up I rode my man for almost an hour to get him tired and less hyper. Greg did really well. We borrowed a boarders western saddle, a Big Horn kind I believe for all you western peeps. Greg has a lot of natural talent. He does a great job at keeping his heels down. HE gets the concept of not only using the reins but using your legs as well to turn the horse. When he asks for a halt, as soon as Possum stands still he releases the pressure instinctively. We worked on some trotting just to get him used to the feel. I had him hold onto the horn firstto feel the motion and then we talked about posting. He got the rhythm really quickly and it's just a matter of strengthening up his muscles and getting used to the center of balance on a horse. I am so excited that he did well and he was really happy. He says that he can't wait to go back. It was kinda funny because he would get a little frustrated when he would lose the posting rhythm and want to keep trying again. It was super cute. My biggest relief was that Possum really liked him. Due to his abusive past it's been hard for Possum to bond to most males, but Greg is a kind soul and Possum really just took care of him and minded his p's and q's. So that was a really good day.

Well I better go check on my chicken, I can't wait for some real home cooked dinner. We even got a small coconut cake for dessert. I know it doesn't really go along with my goal of shedding some lbs, but it just rounds out a great meal. Have a great night everyone, and I'll check in later.

On the guy side of things

Well I'm having a really hard time lately and I'm looking for some support from my blogger friends. I just found out that "G" is officially fucking someone and is very likely in a new relationship. I don't know why, but this bothers me terribly and sent me into a full fit of tears and "why me's" I know this should not bother me, but it really does. I know he and I need to move on, but damnit I feel jipped. He is finally sober and going to counseling and doing all of these healthy things that I have tried to get him to do for years to no avail and now he's all better and gets to share the benefits with some other chick. I am just so mad and hurt and confused. My roomie and Greg have been awesome in trying to lift my spirits and keep me going. But I still can't help but have a pitty party on the fact that no one is going to ever like me or want to be with me. I think I seriously need to talk with Pony Girl and get some wisdom from her. She is super good looking, independent and SINGLE!

I try and look at all the positives in my life like the fact that my animals are everything to me. I live with a great friend. I am great friends with Greg and who knows what may happen in the future between us. I have a good job. I'm not too bad financially meaning in debt. But man this is just so hard. I have made the decision that when I get my insurance card that I'm going to go back to counseling because I totally feel myself back sliding into another depression. I'm finding it harder and harder to get out of bed and motivate myself. I have been foricing myself to go to the barn and ride like tonight because I know that always makes me feel better.

Maybe I'm jealous of the fact that he is happy and I'm not. Or maybe it's the fact that I can never have him again, even in the future because in my mind he is damaged goods. I need to pick myself up and move on, so much easier said than done. I'm trying to heal and move on from 5 years with someone. But I know this hasbeen coming for a while and I have been trying to ignore it. I've been using food and gainina weight which is a tell tale sign of depression. I've been nasty and picking fights with people, even Greg. Why is it that we want to hurt the people who are closest to us when we're hurting? I need to fall back on my friends and family again to help me out of this slump. I need to know that life will go on. I need to realize in myself that I am not trash or ugly or fat and I will find someone when I least expect it.

I'm finding solace in my horse and dogs right now. Possum has been awesome lately and he definately knows me the best. He has been there the longest of the males in my life besides my dad. He will always love me no matter what. The dogs have also been super clingy knowing that their mom is sad and down. I have spring to look forward to and if I can afford it I really want to show and be with my barn friends. I need to slow everything down right now and not go a million miles an hour spinning my wheels and going nowhere. I need to stop being such a tough girl and accept the help and support from my friends because they really care about me. I guess I scared my roomie yesterday when I called her aftering finding out about "G" and his sexual activities and she was so concerned that she called Greg and they talked about me for 45 minutes.

I guess It's also a case of the pot calling the kettle black. But I've had control of what I do and I don't have control over "G". Such a very unhealthy thing it is to want to control someone. SO anyways I rode tonight and had a good time and visited with friends. The dogs were also happy to run around and play with their doggie friends. I'm home now and just made myself some spaghetti and have vowed not to eat too much. My roomie should be home soon and greg will be calling me when his son goes to bed. I need to get my head out of my ass and see what I do have instead of what I don't. Well thanks for reading anyways, it just helps me to write about this, it's a little therapeutic. But please if you feel the inclination to comment I couls use it, even if it's positive criticism, or just a hang in there it is well appreciated.

I may check back in later tonight depending on how I feel. Thanks everyone.

Only the Lonely

Well folks it's Valentines evening, and I am here in my pajamas sitting on the couch watching TV and typing on the computer surrounded by my dogs. I know I don't need a guy to make me feel good about myself, but really sometimes it's nice to have someone around.

As for today, it was a great day at the barn. I rode Moonsine first and she was OK. She was a little stiff, definately leaning in some around the turns and not as crisp in her downward transitions, especially in simple changes as she does not know how to do flying ones yet. We have a lot of work to do if we want to be show ready. I also took her over some small courses of jumps at about 2'3" and it went alright. Our spots were good but keeping her in the center of the jumps and straight after a line was a little worse than last year. It just means that we have stuff to work on. It also doesn't help that I'm really outta shape as well and need to get my ass in gear.

Afetr riding Moonshine I gave her a quick grooming and put all of her blankets on. A teenager offered to go bring Possum into the indoor and I went to go get his tack and brushed him up. It was later in the day and the indoor only had one lesson going on and it happened to be my roomie hehehe. I was just thinking of getting a little exercise in with Possum and maybe just a little dabble of jumping. Well Possum was amazing. He was calm and quiet and really listening to my aids. I was able to keep proper equitation and I think we probably looked really good because I didn't have to keep wrestling with him. I decided to trot some warm-up jumps and he took it all in stride. Then we started cantering lines and he was as easy as possible. Rhythm was there, impulsion was great and he was really listening and we were nailing our spots. I couldn't believe it. I told the barn owner that we just need to keep telling him that I'm going to be showing Moonshine and make him jealous so he really turns it on. I really don't have an explanation for how good he was, but I was thrilled! I gave him lots of kisses and some treats and tucked him back into all of his blankets and let him back out with his buddies.

We drove home and my roomie got ready for her date tonight. I took a shower and just hung out in my robe on the couch. Greg is having a rough couple of days and is really depressed and angry at his ex for how she is not only treating him, but also how she projects onto their 3yo son. So I'm all alone. I know this isn't a long term thing and I need to tell myself to enjoy the time I have for myself and let things happen as they will. SO I'm chillin out. Last night my roomie and I went out to eat and then looked at area jewelry stores just to see how the other half lives. I can tell you that tack stores excite me way more than jewelry stores. But we had a good time anyways. I have been OK with my food intake lately. Even though it hasn't been the healthiest, I havn't been eating as much.

This moring actually started out well. Greg called and woke me up and he had to make a removal in a couple towns from me and asked if I wanted to go. I got up and showered and dressed and we had a good time joking around in the car. It was good to see him lighten up and laugh. It's too bad that he had to get into it with his ex tonight and the power she has over how he feels. He really has a lot on his plate right now with work and his kid and dealing with his ex's crap.

So I think I'm gonna go down to the store and have them make me a chicken wrap and splurge and get a Pepsi and chill for the noght. I definately got a work out riding two horses today and it feels really good. SO have a good Valentines Day everyone and we'll cjeck back next year and compare posts.