Ah Phoey!

*Note this picture is NOT me, but this is always what could happen* And they say that riding horses isn't dangerous, I laugh in the face of danger HA!

This was a tough weekend for me but I made it through and am trying to to smile. Friday was good, went to the barn and rode Possum. We had a fun day jumping anything we could including the rock wall at the corner of the arena, in and out of the side of the arena and even the hay cart. We were just jumping anything and everything. I put one of the jumps up to 3'9" and we sailed over it. It felt good to get some stress and anxiety out physically.

Tried having a phone conversation with "G" and still no real luck. He is stead fast in being distant and resistant. It's emotional to say theleast on me.

Saturday woke up dreading going to a wedding of a co-worker. I wanted so much to be happy for her on her special day but it was nearly impossible being surrounded by happy loving people and love songs. I would be lying if Isay I didn't sneak off to the bathrrom a couple of times to shed a few tears. I get home early at around 8P and I get a message from "G's" brothers girlfriend saying that "G" was at the mud run and drunk but was getting a ride back with them. I was way more sad than angry. WHy was he doing this to himself? What is he thinking? Is he thinking at all? I just text him to make sure he's safe and he says he's home and going to bed. Still cold and distant. I wasa a wreck and just cried and tried to sleep but it didn't happen until real late and I basically passed out from exhaustion. Sunday I woke up late and decided that it was a new day and I was going to keep busy. My roomate and I took all three dogs to a local horse show where someone from our barn was riding. The weather was beautiful and the show was good, but I still had "G" in the back of my mind and wondering how he was doing at his competition. AFter the show we went to my parents and went swimming and even got all three dogs in the water. Stayed for a small cook out and then drove back to the apartment. When we got back we decided to ride to the barn on her motorcycle. When we got there we got our horses out, gave them a quick grooming and rode bareback until it got dark, we then drove back home. It was a busy day and still no word from "G".

Fast forward to last night. "G" was communicating some over texts and said he wanted to visit the dogs and I had mentioned earlier how I wanted to make chicken and didn't have a grill so he said that I could use his grill. I asked him if he would rather I just drop the dogs off and he said whetever and to bring the food and he'll payme back, I told him no need. So I went over and things wert really well we talked the entire time that the chicken was cooking and he was polite and nice.

Later that night after eating we were laying on the bed that I had just helped him make watching the olympics and I turned and we caught each others glances and I whispered to him to kiss me and his face turned dark and he said that he didn't feel like it and sorry and I looked away fighting back tears. I stayed a few more minutes to make it not so obvious but I needed to leave. I told him I was leaving, it was after 9P anyways and said OK and asked if I was pissed and I said no. He said bye to the dogs, I never looked at him as I walked out the door.

I texted him to day to have a good day and still no response. This is just so hard. I don't want to push him into anything, but why would he even ask me to come over in the first place. I know I shouls just stop talking and caring about him, but it's impossible. The truth is that I love him and care about him and know that if he got his life together we could be great and happy and all that crap. I just needed to vent today and the blog is where it's at. It's another rainy crappy day but it's supposed to clear later so I'm hoping to go to the barn and ride and visit with Possum. He can always make me feel better. Watching the olympics and especially the show jumping really gets me going and want to jump higher and higher.

SO enough venting today. Just trying to keep my thoughts of "G" to a minimum and get the job done. Have a great day everyone and enjoy your animals. Sometime I need to have someone take pics of Possum and jumping everything on the farm, would would think we were crazy!