Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Tuesday morning ramblings

Well it's Tuesday of a work week. I'm already tired and wishing I was hanging with my horse then stuck in the office with tons of work! As I mentioned yesterday, I had a blast last week. I met some awesome people and gained the respect of fellow horse men on a job well done at the races. The ony thing to even put a black mark in the week was "G".

He has this problem when I'm with my roomate. He says I act totally different and treat him like crap and "try and act all cool", Honestly I don't really see it. Sure I admit that when Holli and I get going I can be pretty immature, and add in a bag of cotton candy and exhaustion on top of that I can be downright obnoxious at times. But usually we're just laughing and joking around. For some reason he got a bee in his bonnet about that and refused to talk to me for over 3 days. Ignoring my calls and texts and making me worry that he was dead or even worse, CHEATING!! Well it turned out that he was just keeping himself busy working on his jeep for an upcoming competition and tipping back a few beers while trying to keep his mind off me. But it really made me feel like crap especially with all of the male attention I received at the fair. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't interested at all, but guys were being so nice to me and talking and stuff and it just made me questions why "G" doesn't treat me like this. If all these other guys will talk and want to spend time with me, what is "G's" problem? Too much water under the bridge perhaps, or too much ugly history. I don't know.

But there is a positive to all of this. I basically put my foot down to him and told him if he was trying to teach me some kind of warped lesson, it wasn't working. I told him to communicate with me and discuss his feelings other then just calling me names and lashing out. He actually started coming around and warming up much faster then he has in the past. I laid it all out on the line again with his drinking and how much of a problem it is. It was just basically flowing out of me, I talked aobut all of my feelings and everything was put on the table. I even talked about the fact that it would be so much easier to wash my hands of all of this and forget it, but for some reason I can't, maybe love I don't know. But I did tell him that I was quickly becoming fed up with the immaturity.

SO to make a long story slightly shorter he started talking to me and asking to see me. I was still a little bitter about the week at the fair and having zero of his support, but I did see some growth in him, soemthing that wouldn't have been there a year ago. So for the last 2 days we hung out some. We have a funeral at the apartment tomorrow and visiting hrs today so the dogs are staying with him to make sure their quiet. But to tell you all the truth, I'm sick of the up and down shit. The roller coaster ride that my life has become. I want off before I toss my cookies! I want to be happy, appreciated, loved and respected and that's it! That's my goal.

SO last night after work I took all the dogs to the barn to run around and just watched lessons and people riding. It was a beautiful fall night and I even had to wear and sweatshirt it was so chilly. Possum looked like he was recooperating and I let him out loose to graze for a few hours. I'll probably ride him tonight and do a little jumping since the Medal Finals are less than 2 weeks away. I also did get "G" to promise to come and help and support me again this year. He has a Tuff Truck competition locally and then is coming after since I don't ride till the afternoon this year. I'm really excited and want to do well. At the races on the straight aways I was practicing my flying changes with Possum and he was doing really well. As long as he doesn't rush and listens to me at the finals we have a really good shot of dong well. My position is stronger that it ever has been before. My legs are solid and my upper body is doing well. I would love to end my modified adult career with a bang. Next year we will be showing the adult amateurs at 2'9", this year we are only jumping 2'3" for the last time. There will be over 30 entries this year so the competition will be tough. I'll keep ypu all updated.

As for pics form the fair, no one has sent me any. I don't own a camera so I don't have any of my own. There were a lot of people taking pics at the track so hopefully I can scrounge some up.


Stephanie said...

Well keep that foot on the ground - you are so right, if all those other guys have no problem chatting with you what's "G's" problem?

And - this is just my opinion- but it sounds like he is jealous of your roomy, I highly doubt you act different around her.

Is your competition this weekend or next? Can't remember...

I am sure you'll do awesome, you sound confident and prepared...

cdncowgirl said...

I was thinking the same thing as Steph, he's jealous of your roomie.

Good luck with your competition, I'm sure you'll do great.

BTW I was surprised to read you don't have a camera! You have such nice pics on here.

Stephanie said...

Hi there,

Just sent you a picture of a bit i had a question on via email - since its from my yahoo address - it may go in your spam filter so if you don't see it right away, check there...

sidetracked said...


I emailed you back about the bit in question. Let me know if it doesn't make sense to you.

sidetracked said...

Ok Stephanie, I was able to look at the picture more closely and confirmed my suspicision of what he "bit" is. It's actually a mechanical jumping hack with a loose ring snaffle. This is to add nose pressure along with a regular snaffle in the mouth. In an interview Meredith stated that it did wonders for his control and comfort guiding to and over the jumps. It certainly is not traditional, but in the right hands it can also work. I would say that Meredith is qualified. Hope this helps to clarify. But this combination would certainly be illegial in ANY hunter or equitation ring.

Serena said...

Oh honey--

I just discovered your blog and have spent all week going back and reading from the beginning. There are SO many red flags here--"G" sounds EXACTLY like my ex-husband. Same mood swings, same name-calling and emotional abuse, same everything. Picking on your friends is a emotional abuse tactic as well; it's an attempt to isolate you from other people and make you emotionally dependent on him. Same immaturity whenever I said "no" to the simplest thing, like a request to come over to his house when we were dating. And I'll bet he accuses you of cheating on him or sleeping around all the time too. My ex used to claim that he had PROOF i was cheating so I might as well 'fess up to it. I never did, but it still broke my heart to hear him say that.
Trust me on this--one day, you will realize that love isn't enough to put up with this garbage. You will want him and his crap and his issues out of your life, and you will no longer feel the "but i loooooove him!" twinges that you feel now. He will push you over the edge and that will be it.
whoo. God. I vented. Sorry about that! :-)
I do love your blog! Your barn sounds like so much fun and i LOVE how far you and Possum have come!

Serena said...

When i say "I never did," i mean i never did cheat on him. I guess i should clear that up.
Although maybe i should have! :-)