Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Another non-horse day

Ho hum ho hum. It's just another day in the work week. I have a busy day of teaching and visiting schools with a small break in the afternoon for lunch. After work my dad is going to help me (do my) taxes so that leaves out the possibility of riding. The weather is also supposed to get really nasty this afternoon with snow and sleet and some ice, yippee!! I am so ready for winter to be over ao I can really start my life. My riding life that is, and also the life where I feel awake and energized as opposed to tired, cold and lazy. The next couple of days are going to be in the 40's and I am hoping to take advantage and ride Possum and maybe even Moonshine.

I had a pretty good time last night. I got home kinda late from the college where I do drop-in hrs and visited with my roomie for a bit. I then took Phinney and went over to Gregs house. His son was with his mother. Cause you know I am just such a bad influence on children, according to her. We hung out and watched TV. He was feeling sick to his stomach earlier so I offered to speep the floors that have gotten peppered with dirt from outside and also floating dog hairs. I didn't mind because I enjoy sweeping anyways. we watched one of my favorite shows which is Intervention on A&E and then watched 24 which he had DVR'd. While he was watching his show he was giving me the best back rub ever.

I'm just having such a hard time not being in a relationship. I have such strong feelings for him it's really quite crazy and alarming. I just have such a good time with him and joking and kissing and the like. I realize that he is getting over a long and bitter relationship and the last thing he needs right now is to jump prematurely into another one, but damnit the female selfish side of me is like chomping at the bit. I want him for myself and for him to proclaim his love to me. I am truely an idiot to the 10th degree. Why can't I just relax and live in the moment and enjoy what is in front of my face instead of dwelling on what I want and don't have. Soetimes I really want to just punch myself in the head.

But I like relationships, I really do. I like having someone. I like saying I love you and showering them with compliments (soemthing Greg is obviously not used to) I like knowing that I have someone no matter what. I love sharing my life with someone and them sharing their life with me. It's stability that I crave in my life and damnit I want it. (stomping feet and whining like a kid after a candy bar in the grocery store) I need to reel myself in and hold my horses. If I continue to act like this and put undue pressure on him, it will slowly push him away and put unnecessary pressure on your fun and relaxing relationship. Ok, take a deep breath Molly. I just had to vent and put the words that have been floating in my head out and onto something.

Oh and it also doesn't help the fact that "G" has been texting me and saying that he is realizing how crappy he treated me and his counselors are helping him to see this. why is it that I find guys that need me as their counselor instead of as their partner? Why do guys look to me to fix them and help them through life when it leaves me feeling empty and drained afterwards? Anyways, I'm off to have a quick lunch. Have a great day everyone and love your animals.

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