Thinking Out Loud

So finally I am heading to the barn after work today. My motivation level coupled with my work load has been stressed to the max. When I get home I just want to relax and chill. Which means eating and sleeping and hanging out witht he roomie.

"G" came home from his trip to school and I went over there last night. We had a good night and ate leftovers from the past few days for dinner. Watched a little TV, played with the dogs and went to bed. It was relaxing and the AC was on, bonus! Got up in the morning and have been running ever since. Work sucks and is way too busy. I can never seem to feel caught up with cases closing and opening every minute. The documentation is sometimes overwhelming.

SO I have made a promise to myself tonight to atleast groom and visit with Possum and then I'll probably end up riding some. I feel like I've been away from my barn family forever. My next show isn't until the end of August so I'm not riding as much as I probably should be. This weekend I vow to spend more time at the barn, hit the trail and work on some ring stuff. I'm sure Possum is loving his little hiatus.

Wanted to discuss something today that I think about sometimes. I really want a nice show horse that has athletic talent, good conformation for what I want to do and is attractive looking. (no offense Possum). But the more I think about it; how can I afford to show this wonder horse? As it is without sounding like I'm bragging becaise I'm certainly not. Possum and I are currently showing at the highest hunter level and height for this area, meaning Maine and parts of NH. What would I do with a truly great horse that was easy to work with. I would end up paying an arm and a leg trailering to the big shows, paying all of those expensive fees and then I would become one of "those".

"Those" I am referring to are a great majority in the hunter world, show bitches. Ones who never carry a bucket of water. Ones who don't take care of their horse, hire a groom and braider and have someone do everything for them and they just show up the day of the show. Part of showing I like is getting up early, loading my horse, unloading him, getting him settled usually tied to the trailer and then hanging out with him until it's time to warm up and show. Don't get me wrong. I'm always asking for leg ups and for someone to hand me water when I'm about to pass out. But I take a great deal of pride in doing it all myself. I don't have a trainer. I get help sometimes from friends and another pair of eyes on the ground. Sometimes when I tell people this they just look at me sideways and can't believe it. ALL of the work I have done with Possum has been on my own for the most part. We have never taken a formal lesson and in fact the last time I had a formal lesson was in college over 5 years ago!

I learn by watching, reading and studying. I watch tons of lessons. I read tons of books and watch videos and shows. For the most part I know what I need to do and try to translate that to my body and into Possum. SOme of the disadvantages of not having a trainer or taking lessons is the learning scale. I feel that I progress much more slowely than someone who takes regular lessons, but I just can't afford it.

SO if I had this fancy super horse who was push button and won everything, is that really what I want? Where's the challenge? How can I come up with the sum of money? and do I really want to become a member of the exclusive snobby hunter type that most are? (not all are like that but their few and far between)

I remember last year at a hunter show Possum was a little hyper and I didn't get a chance to gallop him the day before. SO we started walking to the side road which the barn was located on. The owner came out and asked what I was doing. I told that that I was taking him down the road to stretch his legs. She told me that they do not trail ride here and the horses are not allowed off the property. She told me that I was just waiting for an accident to happen. I couldn't believe it. My horse who I can take anywhere, through the woods, over stone walls, parades, swimming and she doesn't trust me to canter on the shoulder of a back road, gimmme a break. I politely informed her in my best social worker voice that my horse and I were perfectly safe. That I had signed the liability release so that she was not liable and that I was doing something for my horse that will best suit him in the ring. I then walked off. Ofcourse everything was fine. I galloped Possum on the dirt shoulder, he felt better and I did too and then he was ready to put in a nice hunter round.

Why is trail riding and having fun in my book with your horse so forbidden in the big show world? Are people afraid that their horses will like something else and then sour to showing. Shouldn't the goal to be to have a happy horse? Let's face it, some horses hate showing. SOme horses hate trails. Just like people horses have a preference. I myself prefer to do lots of things with my horse. I trail ride, gallop, do games, jump like a jumper, jump like a hunter, some dressage work and others. I like to believe that my horse also enjoys trying new things. Showing for Possum and I is like eating our vegetables. We may not always think it's the finnest thing in the worls but it's good for us. It makes him and I better as a rider and horse. DOn't get me wrong, lots of times it's really fun when it all clicks together, but sometimes it feels like paddling upstream. It's good for us.

So do I want to lose that challenge and step up to the next show brackett? Again. I'm not bragging what so ever. I'm also not saying that I will ever have this dream horse. But sometimes when I'm tired of working on everything with Possum I ride another horse like Moonshine and it's just so damn easy. I just sit up, make little tiny corrections and it's perfect. I'm just basically talking out loud today/ I love my horse, he's great but he's not exactly the perfect show horse. We work very hard at what we have and he alwasy places respectively and I am very proud of his progress. If I ever get that big show horse, can I still have fun doing other things or will he just be stuck in the ring? These are all questions that I ask myself. Are there big name horses out there that like galloping and trails and games. Are owners too afraid of them hurting themselves and due to insurance reasons lock them in a box stall with one hr of individual turnout a day? Let me know what you think, or your experiences.

I have this label at the barn for being the "crazy girl" who will do anything on a horse (safely) and will try anything. Can I still find a show horse that fits my personality and lifestyle?

I'm not dead, I swear

Had a busy and weird weekend. Nothing horsey really happened and spent my time in the apartment almost the whole time.

Back at work and plugging away. "G" has been away at school for 3 days and is coming home tonight. Things are going well with us and I am happy for what the future brings. He is still completely sober going on 3 weeks and still strong. I did manage to get my hair cut though and I'm very happy about it. My roomie went with me and said that she really likes it. I basically told the hairdresser to do whatever she thought looked good. Most girls would scream at the thought but really it's just hair and if it were socially acceptible I would shave my head. Above are a cuple pics taken from my phone by my wonderful office mate Vicki. Thanks Vicki! Have a great day everyone and I promise to have a better post tomorrow.

And yes that is my office I am sitting in. I prefer to call it the cave.

wishing I were at the barn kind of day.....

This is my best friend in the whole world. This is Phineous, Phin, Phinney Butt, Muffin Man and Phin Man. This was taken a couple of years ago. He's put on a little weight since then after now having Lyme disease, but he's still my cutie. One of his ears doesn;t stand up all teh way now after having an abcess it killes some of the cartiledge. But I still think he is handsome!

These pics of Possum was last year acting as my pack mule. I was cleaning up the arena of jumps stuff and decided to wrap snow fencing around him and load him with pine boughs. He never even flinced and happily carried them from the ring to the trash pile. Please do not try this at home hehehe.

Possum and I this spring jumping our hearts out.

6 Things You Didn't Know About Me

Hmmm, had to think a bit on this one. Basically what you see is what you get. But maybe here are a few things you folks didn't know about me.

1) I am an animal lover of all kinds. I can honestly say that I would rather spend most of my time with animals than most people on this earth. I feel better when I'm close to them and can share my life with them. Hence this is why I have surrounded myself with rescue animals. I feel good abut saving them and giving them the life I feel that they deserve. I honestly miss my dogs and cat and horse throughout every day and wonder what their doing. I know I'm a total dork!

2) I have no idea how I ever became a social worker. I am not the typical social worker personality. I'm direct and straightforward and really have a heart of a rock when it comes to most human matters. I have had to work very hard to develop empathy and see situations from all different angles. This has been a great experience for me personally. I only majored in Psych in college cause I took one class in highschool and liked it and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

3) I'm scared to death to take a path not yet pre-made. I think my parents have instilled responsibility to all aspects of my life. Must have insurance, must have a reputable job, must have retirement etc... What I really dream of doing is working with animals. I havn't figured out how that looks like or what it entails but I know I would be happiest doing that. This early spring I went to the Maine State Society for the Protection of Animals and looked around and gave them my resume. Would love to work at that place as long as it could support me financially. I really do believe that I have a gift of communicating with animals and teaching people about how animals think and react and could be a great teacher or PR person along with horse care.

4) I am a total jock. I hate dresses, I hate sitting still and I love competition. Games of any kind spark my interest. I even want to try boxing sometime. I will forever be 12 yrs old and love it. I sometimes embarass myself and others I am with but most of the time I don't care. I like to think that I am athletically gifted. My parents were not happy when I decided to bypass the softball scholarship and ride horses instead.

5) I'm not that smart; trust me. Everything that I have learned and absorbed I have had to work for. People in my personal and professional life are always under the impression that I am really smart but that's not true. I think I have a good amount of common sense, but when it comes to academics I have to work really hard. I never did that well grades wise in highschool and when I went to college I was determined to get good grades and try my hardest. I ended up graduating with a 3.7GPA and was really happy because it was hard earned. It is one of the biggest accomplishments that I have done in my life.

6) I was a very late bloomer when I was young. You could call me the ugly duckling. I had braces and glasses. I never seemed to wear the cool clothes at the time and was extremely insecure of my social status. I still kinda am today but with different social pressures. The only thing that I really got accepted for from my peers was playing sports. I had and still have basically no chest. I have never pierced my ears and probably never will. People say that I'm pretty now and stuff but every time I look in the mirror I see the gawky brace filled kid who never seemed to fit in. I always try to walk with confidence wherever I go. My head up and correct posture. It makes me feel better about myself and that I can talk and be friends with everyone. My job is basically meeting new people all the time so I am getting better.

I guess that's it. Any more questions just let me know, I'm basically an open book.

Quick Post, Busy Day

I see dead people...........................visiting hrs at the funeral home today

Don't have a lot of time to write but wanted to check in. Went to the barn last night after work. Took my two dogs and myself cause the weather held out and wasn't raining. Possum was again covered in mud. I brushed and curried the best I could and he somewhat resembled an appaloosa again. Tacked him up and out we went in the outdoor. It wasn't as hot but it sure was muggy so even the slightest movement made me pour sweat.

Possum warmed up really nice both directions. Worked some on our flying changes which is really coming along. The jumps were very tiny, about 18in but we trotted and played around with them and I made courses with really tight turns. Possum is not the best with tight turns so it was really good for him and he did really well. I was very proud of my guy. Unsaddled him and then walked the loop with him in hand which is the front driveway to the back driveway, about a half mile or so. The dogs decided to join us. After our ride it was really cooling off and felt great. I fed him his grain and turned him back out just in time for hay feeding.

I also got the 2 pictures yesterday that I ordered of Moonshine and I from a horse show taken by a professional photographer. They came out really nice. If I can get anyone to scan them I'll post them. She looks so nice and my position is correct.

So left the barn last night, went home and took a shower and took myself and the dogs to "G's" house. We have our first visiting hrs today at the funeral home so I want to make the dogs scarce. My roomie is also taking her dog to a friends for the day. So the dogs are staying at "G'sG for the day and I'll pick them up and take them to my parents house tonight so I can wash and vacuum my car and have a free dinner, yummy!

"G" and I are doing really well. It's been 11 days sober and he's still going strong. He's much nicer and thoughtful and calmer. I stayed the night last night and he was all lovey and sweet this morning. he even made dinner last night for the 2 of us and cleaned and vacuumed his house. Who is this guy and where did the ASS go to??! I like the real "G". Hope everyone has a good day. Supposed to be kinda rainy and cloudy today, I have a lot of work to do so hopefully the day will fly by.

Productive Day Yesterday

How dirty I felt yesterday! No I am not in this picture.

Not Possum but an equally dirty horse. Althouth Possum's expression was more of joy than this horse.

So after I basically ran out of work, and yes I do that sometimes just to get away. I went home and gathered all of the dogs, my two and my roomates Shepherd and headed to the barn. It was pouring and I wasn't sure about riding since I knew Possum was going to be soaking wet since he loves to just stand and roll in the rain and mud. Sure enough after I let the dogs out to play and do their thing this horse came to the fence looking like a bay gelding. It was Possum totally covered and caked in mud from head to toe. His fly mask had dirt all in it and I could hardly recognize him. Remind you it was pouring but I decided at that moment that I was going to atleast hose him off because he was so dirty it was embarassing. What if someone came to the barn who didn't know us and thought that this horse neglected because he hadn't seen a brush and was very dirty.

So I put him cross ties, stripped off his fly mask and hauled the hose outside. His ears were pricked and he looked very proud of himself until he figured out that he was getting a bath and then the appy-tude came out. But I think he understood because he was literally covered in mud. SO after I got completely soaked in the rain and hose water I scraped him off and put him in the barn isle with some hay and took his halter off. I was feeling very motivated. The rain was letting up so I washed his fly mask and halter in a bucket with soap while he munched away. As the rain was letting up a rainbow appeared over the farm and then it turned into a double. There are literally tons of rainbows at the farm every time it rains. It was really pretty. I then packed all of my dirty saddle pads and put them in the car to be washed at home. Loaded up the now wet and dirty dogs and put Possum back out in his paddock to eat dinner. Drove home let the dogs out in the garage since they were gross. Put the pads in the wash. Went uptairs and did some vacuuming and cleaning and decided to give my two dogs a bath. They are always really good but never enjoy the bathing process. I swear after their bath I think all of their dirt just transferred to me.

I then washed the entire bathroom and wiped everything down so it was sparkling clean. Took a quick shower myself and changed the laundry and washed towels and hung my horse stuff on the clothesline in the basement. Also got a note on the door that the funeral home is having visiting hrs on Wednesday from 5-8 so I need to make sure the dogs do not bother a single person and keep their pretty little mouths shut. I collapsed into bed, ate mexican leftovers and finished watching "Out of Africa" one of my favorites that I havn't seen in literally 10 years. "G" came over and crawled into bed and went to sleep and I stayed up and cried at the movie and then went to bed. Everyone needs a good cry one in a while and it's been probably like a month since I've bawled so it was high time. I slept really good perhaps knowing that I was productive and got a lot done atleast at home last night.

Weather is calling for the next few days to be rainy. This kind of weather just makes me want to sleep and veg. Depending on what it's doing when I get out of work I may try and ride since it feels like forever since I've ridden.

Is riding like a bike? do you just go right back to doing it or can you forget and backslide and loose balance and timing? I better give myself a kick in the ass so I don't have to figure that out. Have a great day everyone.

Weekend Re-Cap

Had a great weekend although it wasn't very horsey. Friday night after work I went home and let the dogs out and played with them for a while. I then went to "G's" house to drop them off while I went to the fair to throw a frying pan! I actually had a good time. I met my parents there and walked around a little and looked at some animals, this is a very small fair.

Then it came to the skillet throw. They have different age groups. My first throw was 47 feet and my second was 56ft. I ended up winning my age group by over 10ft. In the years past they used to have the winners of each age group compete each other but they didn't this year which was a bummer. My mom ended up getting 3rd in her age group.

So I went to "G's" and spent the night. We hung out and went to bed early and I slept in while he had to get up early and go to work. I went to my old trainers house/barn that I took my first riding lesson at. She was just coming back from bringing a bunch of kids to ride in a parade. We visited for a while and caught up on old times. She's strictly a dressage person and I jump so we have a lot to talk about. I then went to the barn cause Possum was going to have his feet done. But there was an emergency and one of the draft horses had foundered so I helped the farrier wrap his feet and put him on foam for added comfort. An energy specialist was at the barn and also did some work with the draft and it really seemed to help a lot. He is doing better now, but everyone's worst nightmare is having a draft horse founder, not very good. PLease send out good thoughts to him.

It was also over 90 degrees and Molly doesn't do well in heat and humidity. So after leaving the barn and not riding I bought a slice of pizza and the dogs and I went home to watch TV and sit in the air conditioning. I then got some great news by phone call.

My mom called and said that the results of my CADC test had come in the mail (drug and alcohol counselor test) and asked if I wanted to know them. I was a little weary because I did NOT get a good feeling when I left the testing center 40 days ago and was just glad to be out of there. 3 hrs of sitting in a stuffy room trying to concentrate and think is a hard thing for me. So she asked if I was sitting down and I said no but go for it. She said the first word was congratulations! I almost dropped to the floor. I kept asking her if she was kidding and that this was a cruel joke. She read that I had passed and will be getting my Maine CADC license in the mail soon!!!! I couldn't believe it. This could open so many doors for me for my future and get me one step closer to where I want to be. Yippee! So to celebrate, "G" and his friend and myself went to a local restaurant and pigged out. Then went home and got a few movies and fell asleep at my place. It was exactly the weekend I needed, just vegging and relaxing and visiting.

The next day "G" and I decided to go to the mall shopping and use some of our Christmas gift gift cards. I got quite a few things that I thought were really cute. I havn't bought myself clothes in over a year! It's amazing all the things we buy for our horses and supplies but civilian clothes, what is that!? We went to a great little Mexican restaurant and had a good meal and I ended up taking most of mine home cause I was stuffed on all the chips and salsa before the meal arrived. "G" and I went to my place and watched a movie and I washed all of our new clothes and then went to bed fairly early. It was a nice peaceful weekend and I'm sad that it's over now. I'm planning on riding tonight cause I totally slacked this weekend due to the heat and his loose hind shoe. Today is a little cooler so I need to get motivated.

Also to add "G" is now 9 days totally sober and going strong. He has made the decision to quit drinking all together and never touch the stuff again. I'm really praying for him and his strength just amazes me. He's one of those people if he puts his mind to it can do almost anything. I hope he keeps up the good work and I am very proud of him. With the drinking aspect gone I can really see a bright future for us. Just taking it one day at a time here. Have a great day everyone.

At Moose Pond

I had a great time with Possum last night. I got to the barn and decided that we would take the quick 6 mile round trip to Moose Pond where we like to go swimming and walking around int he water. It was such a hot day that I thought it would be a good thing to do and a treat for both of us. It was nice to spend some Time with Possum and I was able to take a few pictures with my camrea phone. One thing that I didn't get a pic of was a purcupine that we saw on the trail. We were walking through the woods and I heard this scratching noise and a look up and a cute little porcupine was climbing a tree. Possum just looked at him with curiosity. It was really neat. Enjoy the pics. FYI I did not go really deep in the water because I was fully dressed and had my niuce saddle that I really didn't want to get dunked. Possum again was a trooper and went anywhere I asked him to and splashed right down into the water. He really is a good guy! My knees are in one pic because I was trying not to get wet!

Funky Feelings

So been having a rough couple of days personally. I found out over a week ago that I had been acidentally overdosing on my anxiety meds and taking double the dose because they changed the pills to a higher MG and I was dumb and really wasn't using my brain and was still taking two like I had been instead of 1. So I found out about 2 weeks ago and immediately went down to my prescribed dose. My body has been going through some subtle changes and perhaps withdrawal not really sure. Been really really tired the past couple of days, not much energy or motivation. I'm also on my period ( know gross) so that is messing with the chemicals in my body. As my counselor says I've been just trying to ride it out and wait for my body to stabilize. I also have been eating like a horse lately, literally. I can't get enough to eat and all I want is junk food. I swear I've put on atleast 5lbs in the past week and still gaining string.

I've just been trying to listen to my body lately. If I'm tired I make sure to rest. If I feel anxious or stressed I asknowledge and try and take care of it. It's really kinda annoying and I'm just waiting for the feelings to pass. I do feel a little better today as opposed to yesterday which I had a crazy day at work and a killer headache. I basically spent the evening laying down, sleeping and eating. I felt like a loser but it's really all I could do. I also havn't been up to see my horse lately. Have plans to tonight to atleast groom him and maybe hop on bareback as long as I feel mentally up to it.

On the good side of things. "G" and I are doing wonderful. He is oficially 5 days sober without a single drop as of today. I also requested my birthday and the day after off Aug. 7th and 8th so I can have a 4 day weekend and have tentative plans of going to Canobie Lake musement Park for some fun and relaxation with "G". I also have a plan free weekend!!! I need a weekend where I can sleep in, clean the apartment and just have no plans. I may go to the mall and use some of my gift cards since I'm totally broke, will probably ride my horse sometime and just try and have some fun.

I also am going to one of the local fairs and entering the frying pan throwing contest. Yes folks, it's a totally contry tradition where women try and throw a frying pan as far as they can while being as accurate as they can. The total distance is measured by how far and you throw and subtract how far away from the measuring tape you are. I missed the competition last year but the year before I was the Waterford Worlds Fair champion in the frying pan throw. My mom also participates and it's just fun to do and gets a lot of good laughs, plus some good food afterwards. I'm hoping to bring home the trophy. I don't have as much muscle as I did 2 years ago and I havn't practiced at all but I'm hoping adrenaline will get me through hehehe. I know I'm weird but it's fun. Have a great day everyone.. Have a very busy day here at work playing Ketchup. Just looking forward to a relaxing weekend.

*NOTE- the woman in the picture is NOT me. But this is the intensity that most have while competing.

Pictures from Highview Show

Deep in concentration.






Ugly landing pic after the natural. But we're right in the middle and looking for the next one.




Possum is all about aerodynamics so therefore the more his ears are back and he growls at the jump it makes him fly more hehehe.





Relaxing waiting for a class. Possum actually has his ears forward!







Powering away after a jump. My position is not that great in this shot, but you can see the intensity in Possum.

We came, we showed, we kicked butt!

This weekend was awesome! Hung out with "G" Friday night and had a good time. Then Saturday slept in a little and then headed to the barn to get ready for the show. I took Possum out and warmed him up in the outdoor arena and then popped over a couple jumps. Then took him out to his favorite trail and let him loose. He was having a blast, I could hardly hold him back. He jumped ditches and rock walls. We galloped up hills and through the woods. He was thoroughly tired when we got back to the barn. I untacked him and then started the process of bathing. Now Possum is pretty much the color of poop with some white thrown. SO even when he is clean, he still really doesn't look it. He does have 2 socks on his back legs so I scrubbed and scrubbed those. He also hates to have his face washed so I have to take a wet sponge and kind of trick him into it. AFter he was all rinshed off I scraped him and let him dry in the sun. I then proceded to clean and oil all of my tack, I also watched everyone else riding in preparation of the show. I got my hay nets and tack all packed. Put a sheet on Possum to keep him clean and sutned him back out. SO while everyone else was braiding he was all set, thanks for the roaching of the mane!

Set the alarm for 3:45AM Sunday morning. Took a shower and dressed and let the dogs out and headed to the barn. Possum was ready, coming to the gate and standing in the barn while I surveyed the dirt damage. It looked pretty good except for a small spot on his hind end. I brushed and put some Show Sheen on it and it came out pretty good. Braided his forelock put on a clean sheet and wrapped his legs and we were ready to go. He literally jumped into the trailer to assume his normal position in the left front.

When we got to the show it was kind of a race from the beginning since we were the first classes of the day in ring 2. I had someone go put my entries in while I unloaded and dressed and then started to tack up Possum. I got on and started our warm-up which he was great for. I could tell he was on top of his game and keyed up. He loves the grass arena and the larger striding between jumps at this show. Then we took a quick break for some water and visiting and then it was show time. I was beyond proud of my guy yesterday. He was only a little quick especially on one diagonal line going towards home he turned up the speed and I had to hold him back. But he was attacking the course. And not once throughout the entire day did I have to do a lead change, he was landing on every single correct lead and got the correct number of strides throughout all of the courses. We did have a little blooper in one of our last classes. It was the second jump and the first in a line I asked for a longer spot and he was either not paying attention and misjudged it because he acted like he was going to take off, then heisitated and did this aweful bunny hop, knocking the top rail off and almost unseating me. But I gathered up the reins and sat back and on we went for the rest of our course like nothing had ever happened. The last class of the day for us however he was getting a little tired and when he's tired his jumps tend to get a little flat. He rubbed a couple of rails and when I asked for a little go in the corner instead of lifting himself up and using the power from his hind end, it was like he would flatten out and grab fo the ground with his front end. A sure sign that Possum was geting tired so that was understandable. SO he was a star for the day. We got a first in the first jumping class and then a second and a third and fourths and fifths on the flat. Possum is not the typical big free shouldered long strided hunter horse, so in the flat he doesn't always pin that great, which is fine. I was just happy for all the good rounds and how much effort he gave it and really listened and did his job well.

SO I untacked him at 11AM, gave him some hay and water and a good rub down and some treats and lots of pats and hugs. SOmeone even came up to us and sad that they could really tell that we work well as a team and was glad that we were back showing. They said that they could see the intensity in Possum's eyes once he locked on a jump, I just laughed. SO I stayed and watched for a while and then left. The barn owner was going to load and unload him when they got back and in return I'm going up tonight to clean out the trailer. I went home and let the dogs out and played with them for a bit. I went to "G's" and we got a movie and then went to a local restaurant for some early dinner. I felt like I was 80 years old getting dinner at 4P, but it wasn't crowded and the food was excellent. Got to my apartment and watched the movie and had snacks and tried to keep my eyes open. AFter the movie dozed off and my roomate came home at 9P. I was so tired that I went pee, brushed my teeth and then went back to bed.

Thinga with "G" and I are going really well. All I have to say is that this weekend he really had an eye opener with his drinking and has vowed to stop forever and do whatever it takes like rehab, counseling, groups or whatever. I just hope that he is really serious about this and I will support him in any way that he needs. Fingers crossed! So off to work and definately lots of it. Really think that I need to plan a little vacation soon. I'm starting to feel burnt out and need a little time to just hang out and chill. Thinking of taking a long weekend around my birthday which is August 7th. Maybe do a day trip or something for fun with "G". We'll see.

So the show was a blast. I don't have any pics yet, but will post some as they become available to me. Have a great day everyone.

It's Show Time!

Headed out to the barn last night after my counselors appt which went very well by the way. Got Possum all groomed and tacked up and out in the ring. He warmed up great and I did a lot of dressage basics to supple him. Did lots of shoulder-in, 10 meter trot circles, leg yielding and transitions. Then we dove into some of the jumping. He was actually really good. Trotting jumps is not his favorite and it's not mine either but we did really well. He was not racey hardly at all. He was getting both flying changes perfectly. He did feel a little flat to me and I think that's just maybe him not in tip top shape after having quite a few days off. He was a very good boy and I made sure to tell him that.

My roomate also came out to ride her mare and they had the best ride I have ever seen them have, it was a really refreshing night. The weather was also prefect. Most of the humidity had left the air and it was crisp and clean feeling with blue sky all around. Possum was happy to return to his paddock since a new round bale had just been delivered. You have to see my horse and round bales. He loves on them, rubs on it, and will even sleep standing up with his head buried in the middle of it. He really loves his food for sure. Not sure if he was always like this or if this is a result of his abusive and starved past. Either way he loves his food!

Last night I get a text pretty late from "G" saying that he's going home and someone is giving him a ride. I call him and sure enough he is drunk. He gets into this argument with me about how he did the right thing by getting a ride and all this shit. I tell him that the really smart thing would be not to pick up a drink at all. He then hung up and still continued to text me. I've made the decision after talking to my friend as well that I am not going to talk to him or see him when he has been drinking. He turns into a different and somewhat hateful person who puts the blame on everyone else except himself. Alcoholism is something that I really don't want in my life. I understand if he wants to work on it and get some help, but he keeps falling back into the same hole because he thinks he can do it all on his own. It's so hard to see someone you love throw their life away like that. I know it's a very hard addiction to overcome, but I have enough on my plate now and don't need his problems put on me, That's all I'm gonna say about the issue.

So today Possum has the day off to chill. I'm probably gonna clean the apartment and hopefully clean my tack if I can find all my soap and leather conditioner amidst all the mess. Don't really know if I'll see "G" tonight or not. He took thte day off to do garage stuff which usually equals drinking so I'm unsure of it all. Going to sleep in tomorrow. Go to the barn, pack hay nets, gallop Possum down the trail which is our normal pre-show routine, bathe him and pack all of my stuff. My horse absolutely loves to gallop. I'm glad because I also love galloping. It calms him down and causes him to focus better. He never gets hot. I can gallop for a mile and then pull him up and walk on a long rein the whole way home. He's really good about that and doesn't get crazy in the head, but when he wants to go he lets me know. He has his favorite trail which is almost 3 miles long which we hand gallop the whole way. On the dirt road, through the woods, jumping ditches and up over hills and then on the side road all the way back to the barn. It's his favorite loop and is also a really good endurance builder. We may do that trail since it makes him happy. He really is a good guy and I think we communicate well with each other. I know he'll be excited to go to the show and our classes are first thing in the morning so we won't have to have our usual wait around time. Warm-up is at 7AM and our first class starts at 8AM, yippee!

I'll post all the results on Monday of how it went. I hope to have a positive report about the whole thing! So everyone enjoy the weekend and your four and two legged friends. Enjoy them while you can because things never last forever and spend as much time as you can together. Have a safe and happy weekend.

P.S.- This is not Possum and I in the pic above, we are much faster than this horse hehehe.

Why Do We Have To Grow Up?

When I was younger I had to beg and plead with my parents to ride a horse. It wasn't until I was 11 that I got that wish granted. Before that I would take any bit of horse that I could. We had a somewhat close neighbor that had horses for a short time and I remember sitting in the woods and waiting for a good breeze so that I could smell all the sweetness of horses. Horses were magical to me, something that I was drawn to and loved without ever being around them. I woukd dream and write stories about horses all day long. Everything in school had to do with horses and teachers even had to ask me to stop doing book reports on horses.

During recess I would get a band of kids together and he would gallop on all fours and play wild horses. It wasn't until parents complained that their kids jeans were getting holes in the knees that the teachers made me stop. I even would have a game at my house where my friends and I would ride brooms and my little brother would be the fox and we would hunt him all through the woods jumping jumps andover rock walls just like I had seen in pictures.

I eventually took my first lesson when I was 11 on a one eyed arabian mare that was hotter than hot. We spent lots of time learning the tack and proper horse care. I was fully prepared because my dad said that I may not even ride my first time because there was so much to learn. With eyes wide I asked my instructor if I was going to ride today. She just lauged and said ofcourse. The first time I put my leg in the stirrup and gathered the reins I felt like I was truly home. Sure I had been on pony rides and such before and had even ridden an elephant but this was different. All of the black stallion stories and everything that I knew about arabians flooded my mind. I had a lunge lesson and even did a little trotting trying to post like a fish flopping out of the water. Now let's face it, I have never had a natural ability for riding. It came harder for me than most naturals but I worked so hard at it that it was almost an obsession for me. After that first lesson I was beaming. After untacking Davah I asked my instructor if she thought that I wuld ever be a good rider. She looked at me sternly and said that I would never be a great rider but she could make it so I could stay on. That was all the encouragement that I needed, that statement lit a fire under me and it still burns brightly today. Many people think that that was a horrible thing to say and maybe to an 11yo it was but I was oblivious because all I could think about was to learn anything and everything that I could about horses.

My parents weren't too keen about paying for lessons every week so I started working at the barn for lessons, carrying half full water buckets twice and cleaning stalls and letting horses in and out. As my riding progressed I started riding more and more horses. Big, small, drafts to arabs to TB's and lots of quarter horses and paints and an appy or two thrown into the mix. I started spending every weekend there and even had my own room in her house. Her business also started to grwo from the 2 horses she had when I first started to 10 and then 15. As I grew into a teenager and had become strong physically and mentally I started helping with horse camp and leading trail rides and watching the farm while she was away. My brain was like a sponge and I tried soaking up as much knowledge as I could. I started showing at local open shows and my parents even half-leased me a horse for 6 years. I think they saw the dedication and passion that I had for horses although they really iddn't approve of it. They were reluctant to come to horse shows and stopped watching my lessons and would just drop me off at the barn and have me call to be picked up. I have to sya that this hurrt my feelings some. I also played softball and other sports in school and they would never miss a game and were very supportive of that. Why couldn't they see my love for horses like that?

The barn that I learned and rode at was exclusively dressage. Even though we rode trails and things everything was in a dressage saddle and jumping was really frowned upon. I looked forward to two things in the year. Kids Camps where we could dabble in jumping under no professional instruction and also the "Kimball Quarter Mile Run" that we had once a summer to see who the fastest horse was. I loved galloping and speed from early on.

My friends and I would sneak off down the trails and have galloping races on the lesson horses. The horses thought it was a great break in the routine and us girls would roll up our stirrups like jockeys and be riding the edge of death most of the time. We made sure to fully cool out the horses and wipe down any sweat marks so no one could tell. As I've gotten older the owner must have known what we were doing because of all the galloping marls on the dirt roads but she never said anything except that we betetr not make her lesson horses hot.

I look back on those days fondly. Those were some of the best times of my life. We rode in the rain, snow, heat and anything else. Nothing could keep us from our horses. I had a small group of friends that were just as horse crazy as myself at the time. Well As I got older and the barn owner remarried to a jerk things began to unravel there. Dust collected in "My" room as I was reluctant to stay there much, tension grew between her and me and I stopped riding there completaly. SHortly after the horse I had been leasing died due to circumstances that could have been prevented and I was heart broken. Still thinking of him today brings tears to my eyes, someday I'll poast about Jose and see if I can put a pic of him up here. He was one of the most important teachers in my horses career and we learned a lot from each other. I will always have a special place in my heart for him.

I then went to college where I learned the art of hunters and equitation. I fell in love with the riding but not all the politics and money that it took to be something. I got Possum, graduated and kept on riding. I am now at a great barn where I feel like a member of the family. People and horses of the entire rainbow and I love it. No politics, income doesn't matter and everyone is there for one reason, they love horses. I also enjoy the good amount of respect that I'm given due to my riding and knowledge of horses. I like to teach people who want to learn and share my knowledge and have some good debates, that's how we all learn and get better.

But sometimes that spark fades that I used to have as a kid. Sometimes riding has become a chore instead of a magical priviledge that it used to be. Sometimes I just sit in the pasture with my hrose gazing at the sunset or go on a long trail ride pouring out the contents of my heart to him to bring me back to that place and feeling I felt so long ago now. I think every horse person should go back to those times once in a while. It's not about the blue ribbons, or the money spent or the breed of horse or the tack you own. It's all about the horses and their special bond with us. How they can tell what we're feeling. Allow us onto their backs and communicate with us and do as we ask. So as I'm sitting here in the office day dreaming about the way things used to be I have decided that I want every ride to be special. Every encounter with any horse to be special. I always say that horse people are a breed apart. It makes no liter sense why we do what we do for horses, blood sewat tears and lots of money. Why not enjoy what we sacrifice for and really take advantage of why we own or ride or even just be around horses.

So what are some of your magical times with horses? How did you get involved with horses?

Can things ever be too good??

I'm really wrestling with this idea in my mind lately. I had another great night last night. I took the dogs to the barn and got Possum out and made him all pretty. It was another sweltering day and just moving made you break out in a sweat. Possum had sweat on his neck from just standing out in the pasture! I tacked him up and we had a decent ride. Not bad for not having a real serious ride in a while. Gave him a good cool hosing afterwards and let him out to eat grass and then gave him his grain after. I think he knows there is a show this weekend. So I hung out for a while and watched another lesson and visited with people and didn't leave until after 9P.

I then got a text from "G" asking if I was coming over to his house. I said no because I needed to make my bed which I had just washed, also take a shower and eat something. I asked if he wanted to come over and he said yes after he took a shower. So I went home and made my bed comfy took a shower and had a couple hot dogs for dinner. "G" came over and played with the dogs for a while and got comfortable in the bed. Few minutes later he is sound asleep. I thought it was really cute. I finished watching a Dateline on a guy who lives with wild bears and went to sleep.

Things have just been so good lately that I'm afraid that it's all going to come tumbling down. I have a counselor appt tomorrow and I'm going to bring that up with her. Possum is doing well, my dogs are great, my cat has settled in and things with "G" are better than ever. "G" even invited me to lunch with him today at a local restaurant because I was working in the area. I love my new apartment. Sometimes I just don't know how to handle it.

My one concern is that "G" has another competition with trucks on the same day as my horse show. I hope that he behaves and I have shared this fear with him. He tells me that I have nothing to worry about, I hope so! But I am looking forward to my favorite show of the year and if Possum and I are on that day it's going to be great. We have a big crew like 10 plus of us from our barn going so it's always a blast!!!

So I'm working late tonight to try and catch up on some mounting paperwork and then not sure what I'm doing after. It's literally almost 100 degrees and I don't do well in heat. I'm thinking where I can bring myself and the dogs to a dog friendly beach somewhere in town. We'll see and just play it by ear. SO keeping my fingers and toes and anything else crossed that this good streak of mine is going to last.

Why I Love My Horse

My horse is great. It seems that the more years pass we get to be closer and closer. My roomate and I went to the barn last night because she also has a breeding stock paint mare there as well. We piled the 3 dogs and the 2 of us and headed the 12 miles out. Possum came right up to me in the paddock and gladly came into the barn isle to be cross tied. I groomed, picked and clipped him for almost an hr. He stood stock still while I did his ears and legs and his whiskers. It was almost as if he knew he was getting ready for a show.

Then my friend and I got on bareback and played in the putdoor arena. Possum is always funny when you first get on bareback. He likes to play with me and hump his back up especially when cantering and do these carousel little bucks. It feels like we're hopping around the area and then he settles right down, but it always makes me laugh while trying to pull his head up from between his front legs. he always knows how to add a little personailty into everything. So we played around on the flat and decided to jump some lines that were about 2'6". He was great, the striding was perfect and we were getting all flying changes in the corners. It was so fun just riding my horse bareback in shorts and barefeet and feeling his whole body. I could tell that he had a lot of fun too, he was literally smiling and looked very proud of himself.

So tonight hopefully if it cools off any I'll attempt a ride with real clothes and a saddle on. Last week I burnt the back side of my leg getting off a motorcycle (I know, stupid!) and it is still pretty sore and the blisters have popped on one side of the burn. SO I don't know how boots and chaps will do but I'll try it.

So I gave him a quick brushing after and then put on his fly mask and sprayed him and let him out to eat his dinner. As we were driving down the driveway on our way home I yelled to him and he perked his head up as he always does. He really is a good boy and I love him. He may be an ugly nasty, non athletic 15.3 hand mutt but he's all mine and I know that horse would do anything that I ask him and that is a great feeling. Everyone always says that we make a good pait and I'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult hehehe. Have a great day everyone. Above is a picture slightly exhagerated of a horse bucking like Possum.

Beautiful Weekend

Just wanted to do a quick blog cause I'm really busy today. I had a wonderful weekend overall. Spent most of it with "G". He was sweet and wonderful and loving and everything that I like about him. On the 4th we went to his family's for a cookout and that was a lot of fun, I really hanging with his family. Then we went back to my place and took a nap and then vegged for the rest of the night. Saturday was the Tuff Truck competition. It was actually fun to watch, even if it's not really my kind of activity, but I can appreciate all of the work and the passion that these guys feel for what they do. "G" did awesome and won the whole thing. It was cool to see him sail 15ft in the air over jumps and kick everyones asses!

There was a slight glitch on Saturday that I was fully prepared for, alcohol. It was kind of a test for me to see how he would do around his peers and drinking pressure. He did drink, he got buzzed and may have drank more than I would have liked him to but he didn't get stupid and he didn't drive. neverthe less I did take a small break to chill out myself in the truck and read a horse magazine. He thought I was pissed but I just needed some time to myself out of the situation. For the most part tings went really well and I enjoyed hanging out with him.

Yesterday was was a day of productivity for me. I vacuumed the apartment, cleaned the bathroom, washed and put all dishes away, cleaned the cat box. Then I went to the barn to let Possum loose to graze and cleaned up the camper even scrubbing the floors. I then went grocery shopping with a friend and put everything away. I was pooped by the end of the day. "G" asked me to come over to his house for a cheeseburger. Things were good at first but I could tell that he had been drinking some and was really on edge emotionally. I actually ended up leaving after he got into a mood and said that I didn't want to be around it. The old Molly would have stayed and hounded him of what was wrong until he snapped and we got into a big dight. I found out that when it all boils down he's insecure about my motives. He thinks that I want to see other people and all that crap. I asked him if he was psychotic. So we took a break for the night. He went to bed early and I hung out with my roomate watching the horse movie International Velvet and then went to bed. I snuggled with my 2 dogs and cat and curled up in the air conditioning under my down comforter.

"G" and I have texted a few times today and he seems to realize that he was being overly emotional and asked that maybe we take it slow since we have been spending a lot of time together, I agreed. If this is gonna work it has to be done right.

It was pretty much a non-horse weekend for me. I have one of the biggest shows of the year coming up this weekend and I'm taking Possum!!! I'm so excited to finally take my own horse and he loves the jump course at this place. So this week I need to put the pedal to the medal. I need to ride lots, trim his face and legs and get him spic and span for Sunday. I feel better getting my apartment and everything ready so now I can focus on my riding. Well off to work now. The Pic above is Possum and I 2 yrs ago at the same show we're going to this Sunday.

As a little question, what's everyone's favorite horse movie??? Here are a few of mine.

The Horse Masters

Phar Lap

Man From Snowy River

Happy Birthday!

My guy tied to a tree last fall in the middle of a 20 mile trail ride. He actually looks very happy and content. There were 16 of us that rode to a boarders house, ate chicken stew, bread and desserts with margaritas and then rode back to the barn. I love my horse family. Happy Birthday Possum!!!

My Comfortable Life

I got my new bedroom set, I got my new bedroom set!!!! I am so excited. Yesterday the furniture company set it up in 90 degree temps. I absolutely LOVE it. It's a sleigh bed with an ultra thick mattress with the pillow top. I have my new 450 thread count sheets, down comforter and duvet and 4 brand new pillows. I'm kinda a freak about my bed. I like to be comfortable when I'm sleeping and relaxing and everything has to be just so. I also have the new 6 drawer dresser with mirror and a night stand. My room finally feels like home now. I still need to put some clothes away in the drawers and vacuum all the dog and cat hair, but it's all MINE. Vacuuming is going to be a daily occurance with all these animals, but it's totally worth it. I was so comfortable this morning that I actually used the snooze button on my alarm twice for the first time ever. I can't wait to go to bed now hehehe.

Yesterday was a good day. Had a rough and busy day at work but was able to come home and relax in my room and watched TV with my roomate. The dogs and cat are always excited to see me. "G" then asked me to come over to the garage and hang out. We all had a couple beers and some steak and good conversation and some laughs. It was quite enjoyable. But about 9:30P I was ready to relax in my new room. "G" said that he was leaving as well but would probably go home to shower and go to sleep since he needed some rest. I was fine with that and took the dogs and went home. Took a quick shower and visited with the roomie and settled in bed to watch some PBS (I know. I'm a dork). I soon get a text from "G" asking if he can come over, I say sure and about 30 minutes later he shows up. He scoops me up in this big bear hug and kisses me all over. We lay in bed and just snuggle. It was at this time that he professed to me that he loves me and only me and is not interested in anything else. He said that he has seen the other side and does not want to be without me. He looked pretty serious as he was looking me in the eyes the entire time. He also said that he understood if I was a little heisitant about his motives and seriousness and only asked for time to show that to me. Time is the one thing that I do have. He asked me to go to his family's 4th of July party and then to his tuff truck competition on Saturday. Ofcourse I really want to but I need to make sure that things aren't taking off too much too soon. SO we're playing it a day at a time and seeing how it goes. I feel prety good about things lately and am totally looking forward to having 3 days off.

As for the horse front, there hasn't been much going on. It's been so hot and humid or thunderstormy when I get out of work that I havn't even mustered up the energy to put a saddle on. I went up the other night and just hung around and let the dogs play. I don't see too much riding going on this weekend either which is fine with me. I need a little break to get settled into the new place, clean and realx some. Next week going to get back in the normal routine cause we have one of the biggest shows of the year on the 13th that is my favorite of the whole year and I'm taking Possum!!!

So this is the last post for a few days. Everyone have a fun and safe 4th of July. It is also Possum't birthday tomorrow so I'm gonna have to give him some treats and a good grooming. It's not his official birthday to my knowledge but the equine dentist said that the 4th could be right around when he was born. So Happy 13th Birthday Possum! We're getting old together, I can't believe it's been 5 years. Time flies for sure. Be safe everyone and I'll miss my internet friends for a few days but I'll be back Monday with all the updates.

It's a great day!

The sun is shining and my world seems to be pretty complete and complacent right now. I know, it's been a really long time since I've been able to say that. I absolutaly love my new apartment although I no longer have a bed because they came and got the other one and mine is being delivered tomorrow.

I got out of work early yesterday. Went home and ate a quick lunch, picked up the dogs and took my car for an oil change. Saw "G" while I was there and he was all smiles and giving me those sneaky little looks, it actually gave me goose bumps. I deposited my stimulus check and then drove to my parents to get my cat Shadow. I visitied with them for a little bit and then drove back to the apartment to get him settled in. My roomate was heading out to work so I curled up in a chair in my bedroom with the AC on and the cat on my lap and finished the movie that "G" and I had started the night before. "G" then texted me and asked if I wanted to come over to his house since I didn't have a bed and chill. I said sure and took a quick shower cause I was sticky from the humidity and packed a few things and the dogs and I left.

When I got there we looked over our mail and then hopped in the car to rent a movie and get some nachos (my favorite!) We stayed up and watched a light move, Fools Gold. We laughed and joked and it was really really nice. By the time it was over it was 11:30 and we both were exhausted. We plopped in bed and held each other until we fell asleep. It just felt so right. No stress. No fighting or bickering, just hanging out and enjoying each others company and NO ALCOHOL.

He got up first this morning and let the dogs out and did his thing. I got up after and made the bed and got ready to leave to go home and shower and dress. We gave each other a hug and kiss and he wished me a good day and thanked me for coming over. He held my face in the way that just melts me and gave me a heart felt kiss.

Later this late morning he texted me and said that it was too bad that we were both working cause it would be a nice day to go for a motorcycle ride on his Harley, I agreed. The sun is shining it's warm and I'm feeling on top of the world right now. I truly believe that "G" is is trying to make some changes in his life and I only want to give him the room and space he needs to do that, but I think that maybe hanging out with me is something that he needs and wants right now. I'm trying to keep my cool and erase all of the shit in our past. I did tell him last night that I lije the goos "G" better than the ass. He said that he really isn't an ass and needs to focus on being happy and productive. I told him that was a great start. So I'm working the rest of the day but I really don't mind cause I'm in such a good mood. Just can't wait to leave and hopefully going to the barn to hang out with Possum if it's not raining. The weather here has just been crazy. It has had some kind of precipitation for like the past 14 days, like periods of rain or whole days with rain. The farmer around here are just waiting to do their first cutting of hay but need a guaranteed dry day!

Have a great day everyone. As always I have a lot to do at work, but it makes me smile just thinking of the few good days "G" and I have had with each other. It really is like a breath of fresh air. He also invited me to his family's 4th of July party. I'm not totally sure, I told him that I would like to go but need to make sure it's te right thing for me and think about it a while. I just love his family and that seem to like me. I just need to make sure this is an appropriate step for us in the right direction.