Monday, July 6, 2009

Not such a great holiday weekend

Sorry guys, I just knew the bottom would fall out from under me sometime and it looks like I'm on shaky ground right now. I've been kinda down because Possum is still missing a hind shoe that hopefully will be put back on today. We have a pretty big show next weekend so it's been tough not getting him ready and working the past 5 days. Plus I've had some matters of the heart go sour and all I really wanted to do was take my pony down the trail and relax and tell him everything that has happened, which I couldn't do that because of his shoe. Let me start at the beginning.

Last Wednesday and Thursday Nick has seemed a little more distant, just little tiny things that my hyper sensitive self would notice. Not as many texts in the day and not as many "I miss you's" Other than that everything was fine, no arguments or anything. Then Thursday night I was actually showered, dressed and ready to head over to his place when he texted me with this: "Molly, I think we need to step back a little". I was floored, so I replied "Umm ok." He then proceded to text me saying that his head is messed up and he's just confused and needs some time to himself. I told him that I thought something was up. I then tried to call him to talk about it not through text and he didn't answer and texted that he just needed some time and that he was playing video games with his friend. I was totally floored. I didn't know if I should be mad, or sad or what. I later texted him and asked if this was the end of us or what and he wrote back "I'd hope not." OK, I'm lost, what does that mean? I can't even ask him any of the questions that are running through my mind. The only logical explanation that I can think of is that my feelings are too intense for him. I'm a girl that doesn't like to play games. If I like someone they know it, I'm not good at the chase thing. I just want to be happy and on the same page as my significient other. He lives his life very much by the seat of his pants and maybe he feels like he is going to be tied down. This is not my motivation. I do not want to tie someone down or have them feel like they HAVE to hang out with me or talk to me. I want someone with me because they want to be. SO other then Thursday night there has been basically no contact. When I say basically I mean that on the 4th he texted me and said that his friend wanted to know where I get my favorite kind of beer. I was kinda pissed that even though he can't talk to me about what is going on and stuff, he has the nerve to ask me about beer for his friend. SO after I told him where I get it, I informed him that he can text me if he wants to talk to me, and if his friend has a question about something to give him my number. And an hour before that I get a voicemail from him of what sounds like his phone in his pocket that goes on for about 10 minutes. SO I call and ask him if he meant to leave a message and he says that his phone randomely dials numbers because it's a touch phone and he didn't mean to call me. Great, so now I look like an even bigger idiot.

I seriously don't know what is up with me. Why do I get myself in these situations. Maybe my loser radar is totally off, or I just choose to see the best in people who end up hurting me in the end. I have to say that I'm pretty crushed right now. I would be lying if I said this wasn't on my mind all weekend and I def did not have as much fun as I could have with this hanging over my head. So what do I do? My friends all say to not talk to him, to give him his space and time to miss me. Do you all know how hard that is for me??!! We go from hanging out every day and talking all the time, to nothing and "I need my space". I really feel like such a loser. I guess the one good thing is that it can only get better from here hopefully. It just sucks because I really liked Nick. He's funny and great and can always make me feel better and I thought we got along soooo well. Yea he's a little immature, but I'm a little upright so isn't that supposed to compliment each other?? Oh well, I'm totally confused and the only thing I can do is wait and do my own thing and see what he comes up with after some "space". I'll keep you guys updated.

I also rode one of the other horses at the barn yesterday and she was a complete bitch!!! She pulled a hissy fit when I asked her to go down the trail alone. Rearing and spinning and acting like a spoiled little brat. It's times like these that I really miss my horse. I didn't feel like working with a horse and reprimanding them, I just wanted to go down the road on a sunny day and feel better about life. Well I'm at work today and going to concentrate on the week. I have groups and educations this week so it will be pretty busy which will be good. Have a great day everyone, I'm gonna hang in there.


Leah Fry said...

I know it's hard for you, but try to just chill. Giving him space is not a bad thing.

Serena said...

Agree. I have to say you sound WAY way way more mature now than you did when you were having all the issues with G. you have come a long way and you should be proud. :)