Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Silver Lining, maybe.... hoping....

As you all know I've been having a hard time wrapping my brain around the whole Nick thing. But from the pic above, how could you not laugh at that. Abby and Phin decided to completely destroy a stuffed animal last night. They would play tug of war and Phinney would whip it around and Abby would attack it by diving her nose into the side wound of the animal and pluck out all of the stuffing. It felt good to laugh and just let loose. I was laughing so much my stomach hurt. I didn't even mind picking up all the stuffing after.
After work last night I raced home and changed and packed the dogs int eh car and went to the barn. It was pouring rain at this time and Possum did not feel the need to come out of his run in shelter so I had to literally wade in knee deep mud by the gate to go and retrieve him. I gave him a quick grooming and threw on my saddle and bridle and high tailed it to the arena dodging the rain. His warm-up was excellent. he flatted nicely and was bending and responsive and light in my hands. I then trotted some jumps, nothing above 2'6" and he did really well and if I asked him to stay in a trot after the jump he did and when I asked him to canter away he did. After some good warming up at the canter and trot we got down to business. I wanted to work on tight turns since we were in the indoor and there weren't many jumps set up. Two single jumps in the middle set at a diagonal. Possum did really well with the tight roll backs and waited for my signal if we needed toa flying change. Only a couple of times did we mess up and part of it was my fault.
Possum was really great for the most part but my body is just not doing what I want it to lately. I'm finding especially in the tight turns that all of my weight is in my outside stirrup (a common mistake I know) I am having to really struggle to keep the weight even in both stirrups. I decided to take my stirrups away and seee how I could cope with that. I felt myself starting to tip to the outside, but my legs are strong enough without stirrups that it kept me centered and I was able to sit up better too. I took my stirrups back and really worked on sitting up and keeping the weight even. It's so hard sometimes doing this all by yourself. I don't take lessons so it makes the process even slower for me. I know most of the time what I need to do, but seeing is half the problem, I need another pair of educated eyes on the ground to help me out. Oh well, such is life. I was very happy with Possum so we ended after only iding for about 40 min because I wanted to end on a good note and leave him feeling positive and happy with his work. The dogs followed me back to the barn, cantering because the rain was really coming down and I gave Possum his dinner and put on a rain sheet and threw him back out to eat his hay.
When I got home I just chilled. I'm back to trying to eat healthier so I made a healthy dinner and watched some Deadliest Catch (one of my favorite shows) and played with the dogs. I have to admit that I did text Nick last night, but it was to tell him my side of things. I actually asked him to call me or come over so we could talk in person. He called about an hour later but we had people over and I couldn't really talk to I resigned to texting. I said my piece abotu his trying to hard. About him playing the part and maybe feeling burned out a little. I told him that hanging out every day was like eating candy all the time. We like candy a lot, but to much of it it loses it's novelty and can even make us sick. I have to say that I felt better about saying my piece. I was in a clear mind and did not have emotions getting in my way. Nick actually agreed with what I had to say. I told him that we kind of strayed away from the fun and good times and played the label game. I told him that that is my only bad attribute hahaha. I love making labels. He seemed to respond in a positive way. I let it end on that and didn't say much else. I did tell him about the good ride on Possum because I knew he would be happy, and he was. SO today I was just going to let things settle in. It's rainign again but I have enough to keep me busy and I'm riding tonight. Just as I was writing this I get a text from Nick asking how my day was going. I gave him a quick honest answer and asked him how he was doing. We're both working inside today.
I think it's just time for me to play it cool. I need to work on my riding and getting ready for the show. My dogs always need me and I need them so their always a good companion. I'm going to focus on keeping busy. My brother flew in from Los Angeles last night so I'm spending Friday with my family after I ride and then the weekend is the show and prep on Saturday. Nick has some thinking to do, and I need to think less hahah, it's so funny how different people are sometimes. My mind is clear today, I have a plan and my friends all support me. I think I'm good right now and I'm not going to force anything with Nick. If things happen, it's because their supposed to and not because we made it happen.


Stephanie said...

Good summary of the situation - more thinking for Nick - less for you. I totally agree.

Still reading posts, do always feel like make my own post and sometimes I am feeling like I have nothing of value to say - but I am still reading. Takes my mind off things...

Write on girl.

Leah Fry said...

An excellent strategy. I know it doesn't always feel that way, but you're doing great!

SillyPony said...

I just caught up and am sorry to hear that thinks with Nick aren't as lovely as we all hoped they'd be.

I am very happy for you that you are quickly finding peace with the situation and focusing on the more positive things in your world.

BTW, you can buy Vitamin D supplements. Sometimes I take them in the winter because the sun doesn't shine much here in an Ohio winter.