Blah

The title of this post is kinda how I feel, very Blah. I went to the barn last night with the dogs and rode Possum. The barn was packed and very busy so I had to tie him to the trailer outside since all of the cross ties were taken. He has been eating on a round bale since Monday so he was fat and happy. He came right to the gate and followed me to the trailer. He was all lovey and stuff, it was kinda weird. Suprisingly he was still pretty clean and smooth from his scrubbing Saturday before the show, so it was an easy grooming. I took my time getting him ready and just talked to him and ran my hands along his sleek neck and back. He just kinda watched me. As soon as I got on I knew it was going to be a rough ride. I could feel the energy coursing through him. Even on the fkat he was revved to go. I just tried to stay strong with my body and keep my legs tight on him. It was a trying ride, but consideringg that he was super hyper I was able to keep him manageable. We worked a lot on the flat just being slow and relaxed. Then we trotted lots of 2'3" fences and then eventually started cantering them. We worked a lot on transitions and getting him off my hands and listening to the half halts through my body. We were both puffing when we were done. After the ride I undressed him and put him back to his round bale. I then watched all of the activity gooing on in the ring and chatted with friends. It was a beautiful evening. Perfect temp, totally dry and the sun shining. It just felt like something was missing though. Maybe my own sense of self, who knows.

I loaded up the dogs and we went home. I cooked some kielbasa for dinner. My roomie is working basically all of the rest of the week and weekend so it's gonna be quiet at the house. Just as I was settling in for the night a friend called and I went over to her house to have a drink and chat. We might be going to a softball game tonight to watch some hot guys play hahaha. I just can't get the Nick thing out of my head. One minute I'm mad for how he is treating me, and the next I just am too nice and really want to see him. My friend stopped by last night after Nick dropped him off and we chatted a bit about the whole situation. He clearly thinks that I am dumb for even caring about Nick and it bothers him how he treats me right now, he says that I'll be better of without him. I may be, but this needs to run it's course too, and it looks like it's getting to the end. My goal for today is to have no contact with him. I need a break from all of this friend, not friend stuff. I'm so sorry you guys have to liten to my rants, but this is the best way that I can process all of this shit. I need to take myself totally out of the picture. I'm giving him everything that he wants but without the commitment or time of being in a real relationship. Sometimes I just want to kick myself in the ass for putting others before myself, always! OK, enough about that.

My phone died the other morning so I had to get a shitty loaner phone. This morning the mail man delivered my new phone, so after work I need to go get it programmed. Plus I need to go to the pharmacy and also to the bank. I might try and it up the barn as well depending on when and if the softball game is going on. I'm just trying to stay as busy as possible and meet as many people as possible, like a nice little support system. Have a great day, I have to travel up north right now for a teen leadership group so I'll have a nice hr ride to mull over all of this crap again hahaha.