Friday, June 20, 2008

*WARNING* venting ahead

OK, so thought I was going to have a decent day but due to my brain, emotions, state of mind and the probable imbalance of happy feelings in my head I'm having a hard time. I'm on my way to work this morning when "G" calls to say that I don't have any mail, cause I asked him yesterday because I'm waiting for my stimulus check. We chat but I can tell something is weird in his voive. I ask him what he's up to tonight and he says "I'm going out". I asked "with Kelly?" and he says "yes". At this specific moment all of the blood drained to my feet and I felt like I was going to puke. (note the appropriate visual displayed at the top) Luckily instincts kicked in and I was able to control myself after an awkward silence. I informed him that was wasn't in town yet and was probably going to lose service, I said bye and hung up. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that we're only friends, we have no obligation to one another etc...blah blah. I opened the phone back up and texted him asking if they were dating or something. He wrote back that they were only friends. I'm thinking in my mind yea sure friends with benefits maybe. I shook the idea out of my head. A few minutes later he sent me the message "Stop making a big deal, i can have friends." My response was: "I dodn't say you couldn't. I'm not making a big deal. I could care less what you do. Have fun tonight and have fun this weekend." I feel better after writing that back but I still can't help but feel a twinge. And I know as the nday and night go on my complex little mind is going to start telling me stories. I'm trying to find something to do tonight to take my mind off of it. I had thoughts of relaxing and going to bed early since I'm so tired, but I think I need to stay busy. Maybe having a few drinks tonight will help with the process. I know this has been such a roller coaster ride for me and everyone who listens to this all, but it really is getting a little better. "G" and I are talking, he tries to clarify to me that he and this convenient store girl are only friends (yea sure). He's taken the dogs and corresponding regularly with me. I'm going to choose to look at the positive, but also think I need a little space this weekend. It's date night for him tonight, Saturday night he will probably doing god knows whatat the tuff truck, remember all what happened the last 2 times, not pretty. And then Sunday is the competition and he'll probably invite Kelly to watch because after all they are only friends (ok sorry a little too sarcastic there) I think the best thing for me is to make myself scarce for a few days. I have enough on my plate with the horses, dogs, work and moving to the new apartment. I'm really trying to take the high road on this one.
So onto bigger and better things. I got stuck in a HUGE hail and lightening storm on the my way home last night. I had to pull off the road for 20 minutes and I seriously thought my car was going to have all broken windows. The hail was about the size of golf balls and was so loud on my car. Lightening was all over the place. Eventually I got moving again and stopped in town to get gas, I has just pumped about 3 gallons when I heard a huge explosion. The transformer across the street exploded causing a huge power outage in town. The gas pumps shut off and everything. It was just a CRAZY night. I went to the barn for a few to try and relax an watch a lesson and then went home to play with the dogs and do my laundry and pack some stuff for the weekend. Still not sure about showing Sunday. The weather looks aweful and to tell you teh truth I'm kinda tired and drained. Work has been really stressful lately, I've had some not to nice families and I think I need a break. Maybe I will go for a nice trail ride or soemthing. Just enjoy my animals and try not to think about "G". Well gotta get back to work, hopefully getting out early today cause I've worked so much and I want to pick up the dogs and my stuff and get back to the barn to ride tonight. Have a great day everyone and words of encouragement are always appreciated.


Samphony said...

Sounds like you're handling these situations fairly well. That little twinge will be there for awhile, but hopefully will lessen as time goes by. I'm proud of you for restraining yourself from the physical relationship. In my opinion, no relationship can be stable when it's built on sex first. I hope you do show on Sunday. It will keep you busy for the weekend, and I know you love to show Moonshine. Recheck the weather, as it might not be bad afterall. I think you've handled a very difficult period in your life much better over the past few weeks. See you soon....... (love the photos you post)

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you need a girls night out. Stay tough he's not worth it soon you will feel this way too.

You have allot going for you and there's lots of good single guys left go find yourself one.

Stephanie said...

Holy crap - could you have found a worse picture - that freaked me out just seeing it when i logged on your blog!

MY EXACT THOUGHTS - girls night out, not with "G's" mom either.

Gotta be some of your girlfriends who are not all involved in relationships or if they are maybe a couple of them could use an evening out. Are you of bar age? If not, track someone down to hook you up - man....maybe even do the High School thing - go out to the beach start a little camp fire - turn up the tunes and relax sharing a drink - relive old times before guys wrecked it all.

I remember this quote from some movie and I can't remember which one... "I used to go out, have fun all the time and do whatever I wanted AND then I met you!" That, in essence is what men can be.

But you're handling it well - and Samphony is right that twinge will be there for a while. But will get less over time. Address it but don't dwell on it.

Sounds like you were lucky to get any gas before they lost power - those days always leave me feeling unsettled too.

Stephanie said...

Hope you show on Sunday too! Fill us in on how it goes!

I passed on the damaged Beval and am now stalking a Jaguar and a Pessoa Legacy. Decided to take my time and focus on finding something i I will be happy with off the bat, ya know.

Maybe someday I will be asking you to help me brush up on my jumping skills - which are by now VERY rusty.