Tomorrow is ever so close, the dreaded exam. Yesterday was a long day at work so to relax I swung by the barn to have a smoke and chill in the good weather. Got a good pep talk from a woman who is going through a similiar thing I'm going through with "G". I still felt kinds down though. Left pretty early to go home. I texted "G" just to ask if I got mail, cause not everything has been changed over. HE immediately called and said that I didn't have anything. He chatted with me for a few minutes, I was tired and I could tell he was tired. He said he go tout of work at noon yesterday to work on his motorcycle and just busy with jobs on the side and such, I told him I was busy with test and upcoming show. We hung up on civil terms, and you'll all be proud, I was the one to end the conversation, see it's the baby steps I need to focus on. I was still feeling kinda down so I decided to stop by the cemetery where my grandparents are buried. It' really beautiful up there on the hillside, hence the name hillside cemetery hehehe. I talked to them for a few until the bugs got the best of me and then decided to stop by their house which is like a mile down the road, see picture above.
The door was unlocked cause there's practically nothing in it and the realtor has been showing it to people. I walked in and the smell was just inviting. I could hear all the sounds of my childhood in the kitchen where we had so many parties and gatherings, it's like the walls were talking to me. My senses were overloaded. I caught myself yelling "Hello?" like I always did because my grandfather was usually sitting in his easy chair in the living room with the TV blasted. There was obviously no answer other than an echo around the room. It was sad to see all of the magnets on the refrigerator gone and all the family photos and dried flowers missing. My grandmothers cook books were still on the shelves. I miss them so much. They were animals lovers and realists. They lived only 4 miles from us growing up that we were always there either walking or biking and spent the night when my parents would go away. It was only 2 short years ago that they died. First my grandfather, and then 3 months later almost to the day my grandmother passed. They were a big part of my life. early on when I would do local shows walk trot and the junior stuff they would come and watch and my grandfather would buy us all cheeseburgers from the Feed Bag lunch counter at the show. My grandmother would stand on the rail and whisper "oh, isn't he pretty, good boy" as I would ride by. You never realize how much you care or miss their support until their gone. During these hard times I often picture myself talking to them and visiting with them about what's going on. It's conforting to talk to them in my thoughts. I went through the whole house. Upstairs I found a box of pictures that I carried on my hip and out the door. Instead of going home and studying, my parents and myself sat around the kitchen table and looked at old pictures. Pictures of a few years ago and some of back in the 50's and 60's. It was good to look at all the smiling faces agai nand see all the happy people. I really miss my childhood. My cousins used to come to Maine all the time and we were very close. Now we're adults with grown-up jobs and grown-up lives. One's a doctor, one is an environmentalist, my brother is workingon acting in Hollywood, one is getting married soon, one is still living at home (no, not me) And the youngest ones are graduating highschool this year. Where does the time go. Somedays I wish I could have one more day of running around my grandparents yard with shorts and a T-shirt with blonde hair flying and skinned up knees playing on the "big rock" with my cousins and begging for a sleep over that night. Those are all memories that I cherish and love and will have forever until I see my grandparents again.
So tonight going to the barn just for a few minutes to watch a lesson. Then coming home to pack for the weekend and get to bed at a decent hour. Probably can't blog until Monday cause my parents computer crashed and I won't be at work tomorrow. Everyone havea good weekend and do lots of things with your horses and or animals and family. Take Care.